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nicelady
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29 Nov 2010, 1:27 pm

I'm sitting at my favorite table in the back corner of the library basement. It's the table I use to work on homework things and sometimes like today, I just need to kill a little time and do some personal research.

There are 2 young men who keep looking over here. They have several large sheets of papers they are trying to go over in a pair of little cubicles. I know they want this table, but neither one has the b***** to come over and ask me to move. So here I sit, because I was here first.

Is this selfish? Or just taking care of me. I've got 1/2 hour to go before I need to be somewhere else. Once upon a time, not so long ago, I would have just assumed they wanted the table and left. But I don't feel like moving today. I've been here since 9:30.



ediself
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29 Nov 2010, 1:29 pm

maybe they think you're cute :P



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29 Nov 2010, 1:35 pm

Anticipating peoples' wishes and fullfilling them without actually having been asked to so was a mistake I made for the longest time. It leeched both my strength and my self-esteem.
If those people want you to do something they can ask for it, but you needn't be cowed by something you assume and can't even be sure of.
I'm not the elbowing type myself, but remaining seated when there is no reason to get up does not figure as selfish in my view. It would be something different if it was a frail, elderly person and there was nowhere else to sit down, but in this case, I reckon you can stand your ground. :)


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nicelady
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29 Nov 2010, 1:43 pm

ediself wrote:
maybe they think you're cute :P


I doubt that. I have 6 kids older than both of them and a grandson just a couple years younger.

I'm not moving till I'm ready to. It's kind of like the lady that gets mad at me in the checkout. If she didn't want to have to wait for me to properly put my change away, then she should have got in line in front of me. Oh yeah, don't honk your horn if you're behind me at a stop light either. If I was there first, you're going to have to wait for me to make my turn. The more you honk, the longer you wait.



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29 Nov 2010, 1:48 pm

In my younger days I would have kept my desk and not moved, not least for not wanting to initiate a conversation with people I don't know due to social phobia. However, nowadays, I would use such a circumstance to build goodwill with people and go over to the men and say something like "Looks like you are struggling for space there - would you like to swap desks with me?".

It would be no problem for me to move and may result in good deeds coming back in return. You may run into the young men again in the future and the roles be reversed - or they remember that you are helpful and do something helpful for you. I've found that if I am helpful and positive with people they tend to reciprocate.


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nicelady
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29 Nov 2010, 1:58 pm

TallyMan wrote:
In my younger days I would have kept my desk and not moved, not least for not wanting to initiate a conversation with people I don't know due to social phobia. However, nowadays, I would use such a circumstance to build goodwill with people and go over to the men and say something like "Looks like you are struggling for space there - would you like to swap desks with me?".

It would be no problem for me to move and may result in good deeds coming back in return. You may run into the young men again in the future and the roles be reversed - or they remember that you are helpful and do something helpful for you. I've found that if I am helpful and positive with people they tend to reciprocate.


I used to try to build some goodwill by doing that very thing, but usually what happened is I would be taken advantage of. Let her move, she's older, we're younger so we're more important. I get that at work too when I offer to take position that most on the line don't want to try to build goodwill. Now I get dumped there all the time. Hard to know what the result will be. Getting tired of being used and not considered 'as good as' everyone else.

I guess I'm just the opposite of you. I would have automatically moved to make things easier for someone younger. Used to call this a 'mom' thing.



TallyMan
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29 Nov 2010, 2:11 pm

nicelady wrote:
I used to try to build some goodwill by doing that very thing, but usually what happened is I would be taken advantage of...

Of course if I live to be 150 years old too, my thoughts on that may change. (noticed your birthdate 1860)


I'm actually 50 but feel more like 150! :lol:

I've been taken advantage of numerous times over the years. How helpful I am depends on the circumstances now. If someone behinds me honks their horn wanting me to drive faster then I drive slower still. If I'm at the checkout with a lot of groceries on the conveyor and there is someone behind me with a single item I tell them to go in front of me. Sometimes I'm the one with the single item behind someone who has bought everything in the shop - sometimes they let me in front, sometimes they don't. I don't keep a score card about it. However I find life to be happier and smoother by generally being helpful to others especially if it costs me little or nothing to do so. The art, like you say, is not being taken for a mug.


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SoulcakeDuck
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29 Nov 2010, 2:18 pm

If they don't approach you at least asking if they can have it for important stuff then they don't want it bad enough.

And you were there first so you stay there.


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Bunneth
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29 Nov 2010, 2:29 pm

SoulcakeDuck wrote:
If they don't approach you at least asking if they can have it for important stuff then they don't want it bad enough.

And you were there first so you stay there.


Yes, if you don't ask you don't get. If it was putting them out that much then they would ask you.



Philologos
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29 Nov 2010, 2:40 pm

Under normal circs - public table, nobody owns it, I am in place, why move? IF they asked would I move? Depends on what reasons were given.

BUT - at many points in existence - if they hung around I would get antsy and leave. I cannot shop an aisle in a store if others occupy it too near my goal.



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29 Nov 2010, 10:39 pm

If they asked nicely I would move. But I wouldn't assume they want the table and move without them asking becuase who knows what they are really looking at.



Cash__
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29 Nov 2010, 10:41 pm

Quote:
I cannot shop an aisle in a store if others occupy it too near my goal


Ditto. I will stand just far enough away to be comfortable and keep them in the corner of my eye. Once they move on, I go in to what I want to look at.



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29 Nov 2010, 11:56 pm

Noone ever says anything they just make comments under your breath and look at you rudely.

Sometimes this happens in fast food places where one person is taking up a table. I would consider it sort of inconsiderate, but you were there first, and they're welcome to ask if they want it.



hale_bopp
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29 Nov 2010, 11:57 pm

Cash__ wrote:
Quote:
I cannot shop an aisle in a store if others occupy it too near my goal


Ditto. I will stand just far enough away to be comfortable and keep them in the corner of my eye. Once they move on, I go in to what I want to look at.


God i'm way worse. If someone gets in my way and im in a bad mood and they're blocking the aisle I will stand behind them until they get uncomfortable and move. I'm terrible.