Are you looked down on by family members

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Hi all

I have always been looked down on by both my sisters. I have always been treated as if I was different and wasn't as worthy as they were. They always knew I was different to them but never knew why as it was only recently I was diagnosed AS. Even to this day I am still treated with the same disrespect as when I was a child, as if in their mind I still am. My parents obviously favour one of my sisters which clearly comes across in the way they treat me compared to her. If I mention it to them of course to my face they totally deny it. The truth is though that I have really acheived a lot of things, with a higher level of difficulty because of my AS, but that dosn't matter she is looked up to and always given a higher priority over me. This really hurts me to the core to the point that I do feel unworthy and start to believe I am. I really try to be positive but this really gets me down as I carry it with me and dwell on it a lot.


Has anyone else experienced this and how should I deal with it, should I make my feelings clear to my family or ignore it and seek support elsewhere.

Are you looked down on by family members?

Not nearly as much as they were looked down upon by me.

This is only for me, but I like to point it out only when it happens. I find there's no use in generally stating I feel something, as they'll just deny it. If it's pointed out right when some condescending thing was said or done, they find it harder to deny.

Standing up at the time is awlays a huge struggle for my as I don't cope very well with conflict. I always end up letting others assume their high position while I get down to were they have put me. I think your right though in speaking up straight away, I think you would only have to do it once or twice. This may be how to earn some respect. If I can only manage to do it at the time.

I think "once or twice" is too optimistic. There will likely be conflict about it. It takes a long time to train NT's because they don't think logically.

Yes.

My sister has looked down on me, since my dad who looks down on me had told her that I'm HFA, when I was 15 and she was 12. She started babysitting at the time, and my parents didn't have enough faith in me, to be able to do the same. My dad also insisted that I go into a special needs work experience programme in college. He was embarassed to have a hippie for a firstborn, not knowing it was his own falt that I chose that life for myself.

I ended up working in a factory, where they made various wet suits, dry suits and diving suits. There was all these interesting tasks that I would have been able to handle, if my stupid job placement officer didn't ruin things for me. I was stuck taping zippers with double sided tape, cutting hanging threads off garments and turning fishing waiders right side out and shaping the arts that fasten. I told my parents that I was going to look for another job, without any special help. They kept insisting that I stay at the factory. I've decided that in the Spring of 1996 at the age of 21, that the money that was coming to me was too easy, so 70% of that money started going towards Kinks merchadise that I would mail order from rock n roll catalouges. All that, when I could have been working at a better place and saving up to go to London.

I don't wish to share any more, right now.

Family can be quite cruel at times.

Not at all. My parents think I'm wonderful the way I am. They've always been completely supportive of me. They realized pretty early on that I was different from them, from my brother, and from my peers, and resolved never to make me feel bad about being who I am. They are comfortable with my diagnosis; it didn't change anything except that now they know why I react strangely to what most would consider ordinary situations. It never bothered them, but it puzzled them! Both of my parents, especially my mother, happen to be that rare sort of NT who says what they mean. I don't have to try to interperet body language, facial expression, or tone with them. I know it's not some sort of roundabout hint I'm supposed to puzzle out. I never have to say, "I can't read your mind," to them because they don't expect me to be able to. I'm more at ease making eye contact with them than with most people, but I don't do it much and they don't mind.

I'm also lucky to have a great group of friends who accept my AS and AS-related behaviors as just part of who I am. They don't look down on me for being an Aspie. Some of them knew what it meant (one friend said, "Is that why you don't hug people?" Answer: yes) and some didn't. Thos who didn't usually wanted to know what it was, and were interested rather than negative.

I've been teased for being weird, absolutely. I didn't feel looked down on, though.

Indeed. And cruelty or support has perhaps the most effect on the outcomes of our lives. Nature gave me my neurology. Nurture gave me my neurosis.

Mother abnd one brother - but I was not the only one disfavored- nor I think bottom of the heap.

I was from the earliest years. My family have always treated me like I was the new Black and makes aload of excuses for it. My mum even denies half of the emotional abuse she gave to me from 1979-87 and expects to get away with it using the I 'only'got frustrated with you' kind of crap' well she is not the full shilling. My family are not a loving family at all.

This. My family treated me like s**t, but I treat/ed them even worse.

Family are people, and you can't change people.

The good news is you never have to deal with people you don't like. Disown them and move on.

+1
In my case it was two of my Aunts and one of my Uncles. My Mother tried her best to understand where I was coming from.

One Aunt always criticised me and my behaviours and always said stuff like "Are you ever going to (read/watch/etc) adult (books/tv programs/etc)?". The other Aunt and Uncle acted as if I was rude/mean for things that I couldn't do easily* and expected me to act 'normally'.

*I lived there for a while because of work, I came home seriously emotionally tired and went up to bed to recharge myself for the dinner talk. My Aunt tore strips off me for doing this without going in to her for a chat (approx 3/4 of an hour, near exact time before dinner).


For ages I thought that I was a horrible person because why would a nice person be made feel so bad by family for stupid things like not drinking alcohol or not reading Maeve Binchy (not to my taste but apparently good books for the type).



Or just stop talking to them because then you can simply say you lost their number or were very busy if for some reason you meet in a social gathering of nice relatives (in the case of extended family).

I don't really do things halfway.

Yes, but it no longer bothers me.