Ktgrok wrote:
My son has behavior issues and has always been very hard to parent. He surely has sensory issues, but I never thought much of that. However, a few people have commented that it could be more Aspergers or another spectrum issue, not just sensory issues. A huge issue is eye contact, at age 11 he still doesn't want to look people in the face. And has to be reminded, STILL to say thank you, to say Hi, etc. When he was younger i just figured he was shy, but its becoming really obvious that this is not normal. So anyway, he is being evaluated by a neuropsychologist. As I fill out the forms I'm having trouble answering some questions because I have no comparison. One area I'm having trouble understanding is obsessions or focusing on something. When he was younger he did focus on fishing for about a year, and now maybe skateboarding to an extent, but not as much as before. But what he DOES do is grab onto a topic and stick with it like a bull dog for hours or days. For instance, he asked yesterday where the Christmas tree stand was. I explained it was in the attic, but we would get it down when we bought our tree later in the week. He asked me to get it down then. I told him no. He continued to ask several times that evening, and has kept asking about it half a dozen times at least today. I was very clear that the answer was no. I reflected back to him that he wanted it. But he kept asking, and got a bit angry because he says I don't have a good reason for telling him no. In general, if i don't have what he considers a good reason then the will not let a subject drop and will get more and more angry about it. Is this normal, or an Aspie trait?
Yes. Because you have not presented him a "good" or logical reason, he does not understand what the issue is. All children react in such a way to some degree, but people with AS generally have a much stronger need to understand why things are the way they are, and often needs this communicated explicitly. If you ever find yourself arguing with a child or adult with AS, it's likely because you have not communicated something sufficiently to them.
So why don't you want to bring the stand down? If I might take a guess...perhaps it is because you don't want to be bothered with going up into the attic and getting it because it's a hassle, and you don't want to have it lying around the house where it's in the way and someone might trip on it.
You can explain this to him in quite a direct manner, and I am sure you can think of an experience that he has had of not wanting to do something that really didn't need to be done at the moment, that he could use to empathize with your situation. For example, many children don't want to clean their room "now" for company, because company isn't coming for a few hours and the children have other things they'd rather do.
As far as the eye contact, I wouldn't push it on him. It is a bit demeaning to be told to look someone in the eyes in front of them and doing so may distract him from thing more pertinent to the encounter. To help him, you might try having him stare photos of people in the eyes. You also might explain to him that people expect him to say hello, and thankyou, and when he doesn't, it makes him stand out in their mind. If he's shy he probably want to avoid standing out.
Concerning obsessions, not all obsessions are consistent and long term. I will get on a topic for a few months, or even a few hours and it will be on my mind until I've collected all the information about it I cared to know. I've read through 300 page books on a subject in less than a day, and when I was finished with the book, in some instances I was finished with the subject.
30 Nov 2010, 11:05 pm
