Relationships: AS + NT or AS + AS

Post Reply New Topic

I know it's hard to generalize with these things, and that all relationships have difficulties.

Does anybody in a happy relationship (with another AS or NT) have any views on this?

My current relationship is with an NT and it can be very shaky at times. Not sure how much of this is my fault, how much is AS' fault, and how much is her fault, and how much is just normal relationship stuff.

Personality is more important than neurology.

I have been married for 4 years to an NT, and I think that the balance is absolutely critical to my success and the success of the relationship. If I was with another AS nothing important would ever get accomplished.

I agree with Asp-Z, for me, personality is more important than neurology. But I do say that when it comes to two people with AS getting together, there is a small benefit in regards to understanding where people are coming from.

How do you separate personality from neurology? Without neurology there is no peronality.

By neurology I mean what disorders you may or may not have.

Also, my experience has always been that the NT initiates the relationship. Is this common?

Depends how shy the Aspie is. I have initiated all of my relationships.

I've found relationships with people without AS difficult as my regular need for seclusion means they don't get enough companionship for them to be happy in the relationship.

It depends on the people and their personalities.

I agree with this. But, it's probably outweighed by this:

For me, yes. I am otherwise incapable.

It doesn't matter if nt-nt, as-as, or as-nt, the compatibility isn't based on the neurology, but on the personalities of a particular pairing. That's what you mean, right?

I'm too f*****g literal sometimes.

Yup, that's what I meant

I think my neurology seriously impacts my personality

I seem to have a lot of difficulties when in a relationship with an NT. The biggest problem has been that most people just seemed to expect me to act a certain way, and I did not fulfill that expectation. Meanwhile, I did not understand why they wanted me to fit into a certain "slot", or, often, it was not clear to me how I was "supposed to" act. I also had a lot of problems picking up non-verbal behavior- (couple relationships seem to be much more non-verbal than other social situations). In addition, I need a certain amount of alone time, but some people had trouble understanding that and would get hurt. In relationships with NTs, I felt that I had to try so hard and play a part all the time, and in the end, it was usually just too tiring. I often felt frazzled. I never used to be able to understand how people could be in relationships, and still have enough energy for their lives after that!

Since I learned about AS, and am now together with another Aspie, it seems much easier. Mostly because I can be myself. Rather than depleting me of energy, I feel like it gives me more energy. So, my vote is for AS-AS.