Holding Back Anger.

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Do you ever get so angry that you just want to smash things punch things and just destroy stuff
but can't bring yourself to destroy anything out of fear you will be in big trouble?
This happens alot with me but i somehow manage to hold the rage back.
I am not sure if i have worded this right or if it even makes sence.
But does this happen to anyone else at all?

Yes, I hold it back all the time. It's probably not healthy. I get these really bad headaches every so often, and I wonder if they are related.

Sometimes I get so angry I want to drive so fast on the freeway and purposely crash into someone else's car, but then I remember my insurance premium is high enough as it is and I just can't afford to pay all those hospital bills again.

Oh yeah, then there's the whole possibility of killing-someone-in-the-process thing.

I've felt like this all my life, but it's getting harder and harder to control my anger.

What I find helpful in situations like that is to physically destroy something that is definitely not needed any longer. My father receives a lot of things via mail for example and it can be very satisfying to tear apart the packaging after he has set it aside.

Or try chopping vegetables when you are in that kind of mood. The pieces may not look nice afterwards, but it's a way to turn your aggression into something productive. (Be careful with the knife though.)

Something else that has often helped me was walking very fast, so fast that I was almost running, and then to stop abruptely to a very slow walk. That makes me feel like some of my anger simply drops aways from me.

I think it's natural enough to let good sense prevail when you feel like smashing the place up. Perhaps the cost of bottling the strong emotions is less than the cost of reparing the damage that would come from not controlling them.

It's a great shame that the world is set up that way, and I'm sure it's not healthy to simply bottle the anger. But as long as you remain aware of your anger, and don't try to pretend to yourself that it doesn't exist, that's a start. If you can tell a significant other how you feel, and get them to understand and to show sympathy, that will probably release some of the tension. Some activities are good for burning off the frustration of life - soul singing, bicycle racing, drumming....many people never let themselves make any loud noise or really have a good workout with their muscles.

Most of the people I work with don't seem able to challenge the management about the things that anger them, but they let off steam by running the management down to each other. It's sad to see it, but their reluctance to confront the source of their anger (the bosses) is very strong and without the safety-valve of whinging to each other, there'd be nowhere for their anger to go.

I've always had a strong control of my temper. I guess that came from my upbringing, my mum was very domineering so getting angry with her just led to punishment, and neither of my parents were comfortable with any kind of uncontrolled or loud behaviour. So, to this day I can't really lose my temper. When I do get angry, although I feel out of control, my reactions are nenetheless fairly measured and finite, as a rule.

It's proved quite a valuable resource, being able to hold onto my temper more strongly than most. I'd prefer to feel comfortable about displaying small amounts of anger in an immediate way, without worrying about the consequenses, but I can't seem to break the programming, so I just have to stick with my "instincts" and make the best of a bad job. I'd probably need to do a training programme on healthy expression of anger before I got any better, but I don't know of any such course.

I found it impossible to contain my anger as a child.

+1

So many AS traits I wonder why I didn't display as a child, but I remember always living under the threat of being punished for "unacceptable" behavior. So, I learned to suppress my behavior. Learned to do that with a lot of things...ultimately unhealthy.

Yes, but minus the hold back part. More times than I can count. This year I have literaly destroyed mother's vaccuume, due to WP trolls who diserve oblivion, in my oppinion.
You know, those who troll people when they are emotionaly down and hurt.

I've destroyed her hand vaccume, which was also broken anyhow. Smashed my broken coffie maker, and battered the #%@ out of an old set of mini shelves. I also swiped my keys over my car paint a time or two.

Don't feel bad.

It distresses me that there's this perception that the only possible responses to anger are ... (1) smashing things or (2) "bottling" it up and somehow causing damage to yourself.

Those aren't the only possibilities.

How about facing your anger and dealing with it in a constructive, adult manner? Something caused you to be angry ... and maybe your anger is rational, maybe it isn't. But why not face it head-on and figure out what went wrong so that you can learn from it and hopefully prevent the anger from happening again?

I don't get to the point of wanting to break anything, but that's because I let it out much earlier than that by talking about it, or fixing the problem. Once it gets to the point of wanting to break things, that's a RED FLAG that you've waited longer than you should, to address a problem. Sadly, people usually do that because of an unhealthy relationship (could be family, girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, or friend), with fear or other things making it difficult or impossible to share feelings.

Charles

I have to do that all the time when I am at work. There have been numerous times where I wanted to just scream and or throw something but I have to hold back and put on a fake smile so that I dont lose my job. When I am home tho I can let loose. I may get more angry due to the stuff I have been holding in but it feels better to get it out at home even tho yes I would rather not get so mad at the little things, I just cant help it.

I hold mine back all the time.

The only way to undo anger is to face it, like CaroleTucson said, but I'd add and replace it with its opposite. This is a basic practice in refining the mind so as to weaken and eventually uproot anger even in its subtlest forms. And it's very achievable. You have to deal with anger when it comes up even in the most subtle way so that you don't find yourself in the grips of a huge, uncontrollable bout of angry feelings.

Regarding smashing things out of anger, no, I don't ever feel like that and I wouldn't do it because I pay good money for my house and everything in it. Why on earth would I break it?

When I was little my father would go into these blind rages that were dangerous for everyone around him. I'm pretty sure my OCD has some connection to that. By acting like a spoiled child you could be causing psychological damage to others (children, pets, etc.) who witness it, not to mention lose their respect.

All that said, I do sometimes feel aggressive, but it's not out of anger. It's just a high energy or desire for something. But I still don't smash things.