So what does everyone think? Do I have Autism?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm thinking that maybe I have Autism since I've always had trouble talking to people all of my life. As I grew up everyone just thought I was shy and that I would have grown out of it by now, but then it just kept continuing and still interferes in my life as of now. So something definitely has to be wrong with me. Its like I can't think of what to say to someone. I don't know how to answer a question when people ask me something. Its like my brain is thinking of several things I could say at once, thinking should I start out what I'm going to say "like this", how should I say this, should I say it like this, or should I say it like that, and what if I say it wrong? I'm always feeling unsure about what to say. Most of the time I really go blank and really can't think of what to say at all though. Sometimes its like I really know what I want to say, but then I just can't make it come out the way I want it when I try to say something. I pause and freeze up a lot when I try to speak to someone and I get very nervous. I get all shaky, my heart starts pounding really fast, I feel like my breath is being taken away, and I feel like I just want to panic.

As I've grown up ADHD has also interfered in my life a long with my social difficulties with talking. (Just found out I had ADHD not too long ago.) Its like its all mixed up together. I'm half one way and half the other way. Its really weird. I mean I was very hyper at school all the time, could never seem to stay focused, or stay still, and stay seated and I was very fidgety. I was very disruptive and getting sent to the office a lot. I wouldn't ever do my work or ever seem to stay focused and I'd always feel bored all the time. My mind would drift off into space all the time. I was always picking at the other children and annoying them, not out of meanness though. I would laugh a lot, play and joke around, make noises, try to talk funny, and make faces at them. I know I was weird, but thats the only way I could think of to try and get the other children's attention, its like I couldn't think of any other way, but then I would just always end up scaring them off and they would be mean to me and I would get picked on, made fun of, and beat up. I always felt left out all the time and got pushed away. So not that many people wanted to be my friend and treated me like I was gross, disgusting, and like I was some kind of germ. I really just wanted attention and for everyone to like me. I had no idea what was going on or what was the matter with me. I was never trying to be mean. So at school I was usually active most of the time, except for when I was in High school that all stopped with that at school and I stay closed up to myself. Along with all of that though its like at sometimes I could still be very nervous and have a very hard time talking to people and not knowing what to say at times. So it was all like a mixture. In some certain different areas like school I was very hyper and disruptive, then at other times or certain different classes or with different people I acted all hyper, then at other times I'd act very scared and afraid to talk. Then sometimes after a while when I was quiet for so long and when someone finally did get me to open up then my ADHD started to come into effect and the people who used to like me stopped liking me. Its like they'd be so surprised at how I was acting, because they thought I was a very shy, quiet type person.

At some other places besides school I was always very, scared, nervous, and had a difficult time talking to anyone or knowing how to talk or what to say to anyone and have trouble expressing my feelings or thoughts. So my mother has always done most of the talking for me my whole life to this very day she still does it and I follow her and stay close by her all the time whenever we go some where. As of these days its only gotten even harder. My whole life I never really speak to anyone like in a store or some other public places, someone tries to say Hi to me. I don't even say Hi back as simple as it is for most people. I start having a fear that it won't come out right or that it won't sound right when it comes out. Then when someone asks me questions. I get all confused and have a hard time thinking of how to answer it correctly. Even when I go to the doctor I have a hard time explaining myself. I could even be really sick and in terrible pain, like for my Acid Reflux for example I get very sick with that, and still have trouble trying to speak to them and tell them how I feel. So my mother always usually had to help me with that all of my life too. I mean you know that I wouldn't want to just keep staying in pain, that any normal person would try and say how they felt if they could so that they could get better, and if I could think of exactly how to explain how I felt that I would try the best way that I could and I do try. I did my best to be able get some diagnoses for my problems and didn't have my mother with me. Although since I didn't have her there with me I messed up a whole lot and when I probably had more things wrong with me then just ADHD that they could have diagnosed me with me. Like Autism for example I probably most likely really do have that, but when I was there that day talking to those people about my problems. I tried to speak and talk the the best way that I could, but I ended up only explaining about how I feel hyper and fidgety a lot of times and about my school problems. I wasn't able to explain to them well enough about how I have such a hard time talking, like I'm explaining in this post. So I wasn't able to fit in exactly everything about my problems. I meant to tell them exactly everything , but its like when I tried to say how I felt the words didn't want to come out and my brain kept feeling all scrambled up and got confused on what to say. Its like I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure exactly how to say it and I was sitting there trying to open my mouth to say something then it just felt like it didn't want to come. I was just like "Uhhhh" and making a confused face, trying to say what I wanted to say, but it just didn't happen as hard as I tried.

Its like when I'm online though expressing how I feel. Its a lot easier, because I have more time to think out exactly how I want to say something before I say it. Its taking me a really long time just to even think of what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it and if I actually took as long as I took to speak what I was typing right now...well that would be too much of a long time to respond and on the Internet you don't always have to respond so quickly. You can take a bit more time to actually think out what you're going to say.

I think of myself as a pretty smart person. I mean I'm not slow or ret*d, because deep down inside my brain I feel really smart, but then when I try and communicate with my voice. Its very hard. So this sounds a bit like Autism wouldn't you think so?

Even sounds will start to get to me, like the tv a lot of times. I don't even like the sound of a vacuum cleaner. These things seem to distract me, ruin my concentration, and make me feel very irritable when I'm trying to concentrate on something. I feel upset when getting interrupted when I'm trying to do something. Then sometimes I could be so nervous. Its like my ears start to feel weird when I'm speaking, listening to my own voice, at times it'll feel like my voice is going into my head or like its fading out. Especially when I get really upset and a lot of times I do get very upset and snappy even over simple things then thats when my ears will start to feel weird too. I don't even know if I explained that right, hopefully someone will know what I mean. Also I've just never really liked loud noises. I don't like parades, very loud music, or instruments. Last time I went to a parade I had a panic attack. I still ended up really enjoying myself though, but I was still very nervous and crying. I really don't go to parades that much. Its so scary! Anyways though and like even just being touched, tapped, or petted. Its like it really jolts me and gets me all upset or distracts me from what I was thinking of or concentrating on and really I just feel irritable being touched at times. I get mad and pull away or I get snappy. Seems I have trouble controlling my anger too, getting upset just over every little thing.

I'm always over thinking things or over analyzing the way people act towards me or what they say and then I end up getting the wrong ideas about people, misjudging them, and thinking that they're bad when they're not. Its like my brain will keep confusing me about someone.

Also when I'm on the Internet, well thats the only place I can ever seem to make friends and I know that I should not take Internet friends so seriously, because they're not always going to be there for me all the time. They can't. Its not possible and I know that. I mean they have their own lives and aren't always going to be on the Internet all the time. I try to tell myself that all of the time. Its like I get attached to some people, then I end up getting very sad, almost crying, and depressed when they're not there or if I think someone might not like me anymore. Its very silly and stupid, but I feel like I can't control how it makes me feel. Why do I get this way? Does Autism also make you have attachments to people and even small things like Internet friends? Because I'm feeling really stupid lately and I just have to find out why I get this way.

Anyways so after all I've typed up for here. I would like to know what everyone else thinks. Do you think it sounds like I have Autism or what do you all think?

Okay I think thats all I'll say for now. It took me a very long time to type out this message. Like over 2 hours. So don't think it was so easy for me to just type up all of this stuff about myself, because I did a lot of thinking and erasing, trying to make everything perfect. Just because I'm able to interact and express my feelings so well online doesn't mean its so easy in real life. I'm sorry for making my post too long, but I had so much to say and I didn't want to leave out anything too important.

For all I know, you COULD have it. But be careful, sometimes shyness is mistaken with Aspergers, and they are completely different things. Aspergers it not knowing how to ACT in front of people and thus can cause shyness, whereas shy people can many times understand body language and facial expressons, etc.

There's always a possibility but I'm certainly not qualified to give you a diagnosis on here, I would suggest you speak to your local GP and get referred to a professional to get clarification on your diagnosis.

For some reason people on the autism spectrum, especially women, tend to get misdiagnosed as ADHD which I don't get. The people with ADHD that I know of that really have it have good social skills and function well in their community--they just have poor attention spans or jump subjects quickly or plan ahead poorly. You were probably bored in school because you were not passionate about whatever you were forced to learn.

You might have autism, but you might have an auditory processing disorder. That would explain the distortions in your hearing. There could be many things going on. The next time you go to your doctor take your post with you. Expand it even. I know it can be difficult to speak.

Did you check out the tests at the top of this forum? They can't diagnose, and neither can we but it can give you a clue.

You could try getting a diagnosis again, but this time, instead of trying to express your thoughts verbally, hand in what you've written. That's how I communicate with my doctor, because like you I have trouble expressing myself verbally.

People on the spectrum often do have distorted hearing. Generally our hearing is super-sensitive and noises easily bother us, and we can hear whispers a great way off, but other sounds and vocalizations can come off as unclear.

Yes, it can definitely co-exist.

No this has got to be more then just shyness. This has gone on for way too long. I mean maybe it is partly about being shy, but also it feels like it could be something else along with it, something that makes me feel like its holding me back. Every time I just get so stuck when I'm trying to talk or communicate with someone. I try but nothing seems to come out well when I'm trying to talk, say Hi, answer a question, or explain something. Well unless its like my mom I can always talk to her with no problem. So whenever we go places shes always the one speaking for me all the time, because my brain just doesn't seem to function fast enough when I'm trying to think of what to say to people. I might be able to just say a little, but not much at all. My mom thinks that I have it. So shes just been starting to say that I do have it, but then I would really like to be for sure.

Yeah I guess thats probably what I need to do. I have some things that I've already written out. So I'll probably show that to them again if I decide to go back. I'm not sure weather I should really go back or not.

Last edited by ShyChristianGirl on 04 Dec 2011, 8:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah I keep wondering if I should go back and talk to someone about these problems or if its really necessary. I guess I won't really get any where much if I only ask in forums, but I'm just really so nervous about going back and facing them, but maybe its really a good idea. Its just that they always speak to me like I'm stupid up there and like I don't know anything.

There were some people I've came across on the Internet who have ADHD and they have a hard time talking and communicating, but they never spoke of being hyper, disruptive or bored at school. So then thats what confuses me too. Autism and ADHD can be so much a like in some ways. How do I even tell them apart? I mean what if I could have possibly been misdiagnosed with it? Then again it really seems a lot more like I do have Autism too or can I actually have them both? Because I have some of the same symptoms from the both of them, except for the part about talking a lot. I mean have a hard time with social skills more then anything.

Last edited by ShyChristianGirl on 04 Dec 2011, 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your opening post is excessively long, you'd get more responses if you summed up. No offence.

But, tl;dr: see your doctor who can refer you to a psychiatrist.

Telling someone autistic to "sum it up" is like telling a slug to jump a little higher.

There are many reasons as to why someone can be bored at school. I was terribly bored and eventually stopped bothering with the work in favour of a bit of daydreaming in order to take the old imagination for a walk. I would sit quietly staring out of the window rather than run around or anything though. Was not particularly disruptive. The reason, however, was because I tended to move through the work quickly, the teaching pace was very slow and I spent a lot of time waiting for other children to catch up! It was so frustrating because I was so curious and wanted to learn but all the waiting and having to slow my learning pace down to accommodate others got really tiresome. I lost interest for a while as a result.

My school reports from then on always read "Cheryl is a very bright child but does not use her ability to its fullest. We also cannot read her handwriting" lol

I much prefer higher levels of study...much more interesting and they move at a much much quicker pace. Although even at University I may still need to slow it up a bit until the rest of the group catches up.

I used to fall behind on purpose so that I could play catch up. It meant I could return to my normal learning speed. I also liked stuff that you could work through at your own speed rather than having to adhere to a class schedule.

To the OP, it may be a possibility but look into it more first.

Agree 100%