where do I begin?
I have never been well liked. quite the opposite. I have been rejected most of my life.
I've never gotten along well with people and for some reason despite taking care of my appearance, even learning to small talk somewhat people always wind up disliking me for reasons unknown to me, it happens again and again and i find its just best to keep as little contact with people as possible to avoid souring any possible relationship i might have. i have a girlfriend but she can never understand me by my facial expressions or tone of voice and is always interpreting it wrong. i am well aware there is alot i am missing. I've been in conversations before where i just felt confused when everyone was talking. a friend talked with his 'eyes' i dont have any idea what that even is.
I feel I have been taken advantage of again and again throughout my life. I am so closed up to everyone but my girlfriend that I am to the point where I am getting ready to cut the ties with my family as even they took advantage of my youthful gullibility.
as a small child i was fascinated with all sorts of interests. started with clipping coupons of all things. i wasn't interested in the coupons themselves, just cutting them for hours on end. relatives would bring me them.
then i moved onto volcanos, rocks and minerals, insects and finally settled on plants for a bit before moving onto computers and developing a career there.
when the dotcom boom crashed and the economy never really recovered i moved to where i thought there wouldnt be a saturated tech market and i could indulge in all my hobbies all which were related to a tropical climate. i wanted to get into coral reef conservation and grow tropical plants and tropical fruit trees and maybe develop an academic career in it.
so in 2005 my girlfriend and I moved from southern california to south miami which turned out to be nothing like i expected it to be. (we moved during the building boom to homestead seeing the new construction, snowbirds and broward investors thinking it was a good area)
turns out south miami is a racist hotbed of hateful hypersocial immigrants who dislike me for being american. but at least i can live isolated and indulge in my hobbies. my faith in humanity dropped to zero living here as i am surrounded by crime and people with serious ethical issues but again, at least i can indulge in my hobbies. at least in socal people would mostly tolerate you and be polite and instead avoid you if they didnt like you. miami has made me very hardened and i avoid people. many people here have criminalistic tendencies so it is best to avoid them even if you were an average person. our first apartment down in homestead on the border of florida city we wokeup at 3am to blood curdling screams as the police officer upstairs was beating the hell out of his girlfriend.
i grow tropical fruit trees and other tropical plants and was involved in a coral nursery conservation project until last year when a cold front wiped out the nursery. my main hobby is my tropical plants.
now i have come to realize that due to the cold fronts and hurricanes that miami isnt exactly perfect to grow my plants. so i am considering severing all ties with everyone i know, everyone who has caused me pain and leaving for another countries with a warmer more stable climate in which to grow the plants. the plants are #1.
I have given up on people. if a plague wiped out 3/4ths of the world's population I would say this was a positive development.
we are a cancer consuming this planet, it's ecosystems and wiping out whole forests to wipe our asses.
I was just back visiting my parents in socal for christmas and was so extremely bored with it. there is no wilderness there. its hours away in every direction and its DESERT.
I've always used nature to keep my sanity. when i lived there i would drive out to joshua tree alot when i was going through cyclical unemployment due to IT contract jobs. I'm very skilled in IT but my heart is no longer in it. corporations made me hate it. it only pays the bills.
i dont get along with my parents, they are just judgmental republican fundamentalist christians who tell me my political views are all wrong and just forward me political messages i can dismiss with one trip to snopes. however i am not athiest. were it not for christianity i probably would've killed myself already but i have a much less judgmental view of other people than they do. (i dont judge others nor force my religious beliefs on them)
I am saving up my money to take an extended trip overseas to southeast asia for the snorkeling, exotic plants, etc. i love everything about the tropics which is difficult when you live in the united states with only hawaii (too expensive to live there) and extreme south florida (and maybe puerto rico). I know with the way the US economy is failing it is only a matter of time before i lose my job and then i will take that trip. hopefully starting a life somewhere warmer and wetter. I would be completely at home living away from people in a jungle somewhere. I visited a rural part of the philippines this past summer and I could totally live in a nipah thatch house with fantastic tropical fruits at my fingers and unparalleled snorkeling.
anyways, thats me. start your condemnation.
03 Jan 2011, 6:37 pm
