Behavior during legal proceedings

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My wife is going to a SSI hearing before a judge and I'll be with her. I'm afraid my eye contact issues will be interpreted as shiftiness and evasion. Should I tell the judge I am on the spectrum? If he asks me questions, my tendency towards pedantry could also be mis-interpreted. I really don't want him to be put off by me.

I thought of just handing him a note the says:

"I am a high functioning autistic. Please don't confuse my lack of eye contact, overly formal speech and repetitive movement as a sign of disrespect."

Judges are used to people being nervous. Just don't correct their speech, and address the judge as "your honor" and "sir" or "ma'am" whichever applies.

LOL. That would go over well.

It's probably not a bad idea, although as the poster above me said, it's not as if judges aren't used to people being nervous.

I think the biggest problem is my speech. I get very professorial, especially in a situation like this where I would be trying to say exactly what I think. I'm hoping he doesn't actually ask me anything.

I am sanguine almost to the point of nihilism regarding the encounter itself. He's a judge, not a god.

This is a good idea in this situation. If it is a disability judge they will get it.

As it was stated, as long as you use the proper decorum, which is your honor by the way, you should be okay. Most lawyers use overly-formal speech in the courtroom for these type of proceedings, it is the nature of legalize. The note is a good idea though, because there may be offputting behaviors, and this will be for your benefit. It is not uncommon for people with disabilities to hand such notes to a judge. By the way, you want to do it through the baliff or the clerk.

The lawyer is an idiot. We were assigned him by the firm and he is easily "dazzled by brilliance and baffled by BS"

The hearing is for my wife, so I'm wondering if bringing up my issue is inappropriate. I'm not trying to score sympathy points. But I don't just put my foot in my mouth when I mess up. It's usually my entire leg up to the hip.

True, but most judges are not autistic and may be limited in experience with autistic people. Your actions will be seen from the perspective that you are NT.

Samsa is right. Judges won't care if you're nervous or not; their goal is to make a fair decision. And explaining your reason for nervousness will only make the decision more fair. Heck, I once got arrested, and when the cops asked me why I was so fidgety, I flat-out told them: "This is my first time getting taken to a police station; you can't blame me for being nervous!" They told me something in the line of "can't argue with that", and were quite civil to me for the whole procedure. I ended up getting released on my recognizance. (This all had to do with me getting pulled over and them suspecting something; long story, don't want to get into detail.) Similarly, if you tell the judge calmly and rationally why you're not acting "normal" and remain respectful the whole time, he/she won't hold your nervousness against you. Just remember the three P's: polite, pleasant, and peaceful; and you'll be completely fine. Then again, nothing is guaranteed in today's world, so all this is simple a guideline and not a hard-and-fast rule.

Now, the one person you do not want to admit being nervous to is the other party's attorney. He/she will use it against you in any way possible. Also, get the best lawyer you can, and let him/her worry about the eye contact for you. But this thread is about interacting with the judge, so I'm going to leave it at that. Best of luck.