Autism causes vaccines

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There are a lot of parents on this site who need to know the truth.

Autistic toddlers (who are putting on a guise of normalcy for the purpose of deceiving their poor parents into thinking they have an NT child) send out subliminal messages that say "VACCINATE ME" to their parents. The vaccine is actually part of a secret satanic ritual that will force the NT parent not to commit infanticide.

We've been secretly implanting false memories of having vaccinated their children in the parents of NTs to cover this up. Wakefield found out the truth, but we weren't in a position to assassinate him, so we wiped his memory. Unfortunately, it turned out he'd written down "my study of twelve children proves causal relationship between autism and vaccines." But ALL WAS NOT LOST!! He misinterpreted his own notes and published a study which appeared to indicate that vaccines cause autism. He continues to crusade for what he believes is the truth, all the while doing our work for us, making a link between autism and vaccines seem ridiculous.

I worry that a secret autistic hit squad may silence me tonight, but I will have gotten the truth out. Still, it's scant comfort when I picture a sinister figure rocking, hands flapping, beside my dead body.

(To those who have no sense of humor, this is a joke.)

This is why I squeeze Autistic children on people with the flu. Their pee cures it up in a week or two! Brilliant!! !

I'm sorry, what?

Autistic people pee vaccine. Its all in the title.

Vaccines are intended to be administered before exposure to a pathogen to build immunity. After you're already sick, a vaccine will either do nothing or make it worse.

OK, I guess I forgot my humour settings, Thats why i said it would clear up the flu in a week or two, which is how long the flu takes to run its course naturally...

I do not now, nor have I ever believed that autistic children can pee out vaccine. But smallpox vaccine can be given three days after exposure and still immunize you. technically.

If a kid with autism bites an infant, it protects the infant from autism, but only if the skin is broken.

Three days after being exposed to smallpox you aren't sick. Smallpox has a long incubation period. Perfect for traveling the globe spreading it to every contry on Earth before you realize you're sick.

I can now see that your joke was very funny and I apologize for not getting it.

But wait. Why does squeezing them make them pee? (Well, you should squeeze them anyway. Deep pressure, and all that.)

Best topic ever ...

Squeezing them might work, but holding them within earshot of running water would work better and result in a higher yield of product.

And they say we have no sense of humor.

I am only faking my sense of humor as part of an elaborate Xanatos Gambit to make you laugh.

All of my posts are really British agents and they are feeding you strange loops. (Like fruit loops, but instead of being multicolored, they're mobius strips. Now I want to eat Strange Loops cereal.)

*giggle*

Well people like Pastur and Jenner who created some of the first vaccines probably wouldn't have been considered NT today.

This is hilarious. And satire of this caliber on Wrongplanet is like Jesus peforming live on a Yehovah's Witnesses mass in His Black Metal aspect.

So it's like the opposite of vampirism then? This is a funny thread