Anger getting ignored

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When I was young, I was just quarantined when I had any strong feelings, so I learned to be mostly numb and unexpressive. However, now I have a problem that no matter how angry I get, nobody takes me seriously. Partly, it must be that I see the true situations through logical connections that escape them, but I just get stuck getting more angry, because I'm getting ignored, and getting more ignored, and more angry, trying to get noticed.
I wonder if people expect everything to pass without action of acknowledgment, or only take things seriously if repeated ten times, or what? Whatever happened to empathy? Have I been missing a gender division in reasonable expectations?

I have found that the more time someone spends angry the less reaction anyone around them is going to have to their anger as it has become their "baseline" emotional state and not an indication of anything in particular being wrong.

I don't know your specific circumstances, but is it possible this is the case?

Similarly, I've sort of learned to mask my anger. Lately I've been fearing that I've learned a default kind of refinement of my emotions, in order to make them not show up in my physical demeanor. When I am angry I don't know how to express it. I think it often ends up not sounding like any emotion at all, and thus no one thinks they ought to do anything about it.

What do you want the other person/people to say or do when you get angry? If they do what you want, will it make you feel suddenly not angry?

I've made the choice last fall, not to be an angry person, anymore.

Being ignored makes me angry.
I can guess that being ignored while angry feels so much worse. It does happen to me at times.
People don't show me a lot of empathy either. Maybe they're trying to imitate me?

very helpful insight. i agree with this. you hear some parents who speak in an angry voice all throughout the day, for example, and their children stop reacting to it.

to the OP - it may also be the way you are expressing what you are angry about. in therapy i learned to express my emotions without causing an uproar (and without getting ignored). it's more complicated than what i could post in one response on a thread, but you might want to look into that. group therapy works well because then you can get angry at other members in a controlled environment and learn appropriate ways to express it.

Maybe because they want you to see the "big picture" and the more you try to get noticed, the less they'll want to pay attention.


I think that would actually make it worse, as they would tire of it if repeated, encouraging them to emotionally detatch and ignore you further.

Yes, a couple of weeks ago, one guy made a 'phone call to get me some useful information in a dispute, and I had the happiest day of my year. It isn't even just my dispute - a lot of other people are getting screwed by a con man, and I can't even get warnings circulated.

Thanks, but I don't think that applies directly. I don't raise my voice even once a year, and stay engaged on other issues that don't upset me.

Mostly, I use email to communicate, and nobody has accused me of flaming. As far as I can tell, my story is similar to others that don't get ignored. Reminds me of the yearbook entry of a classmate: Favourite Saying: "You don't rate." Ambition: "To rate."

I tried group therapy at Prairie Haven, Saskatoon, and it was a total disaster. They lied to me at the intake interview. I have issues from being abandoned as a baby, so my safety rule with therapists is that if I curl up in a fetal position, they have to at least reassure me with a hand on the shoulder. If they had told me then that they would not do that for fear of creating too much attachment to the surrogate parent, it would have given me everything I wound up getting from the program in one quick visit. Instead, they sold me a 4-day program that became just abuse. They were using outdated theory and didn't even believe in AS, and had left out that information, too. Not even my counselor who had referred me there could get them to admit any fault.

Yes. My husband especially, when we disagree about something, he shrugs it off, it seems only his point of view is important and valuable. And I don't especially like confrontation so I let it go, but it does get frustrating. The problem is nothing is solved when he does that and it slowly accumulates.

I used to have more choice in the matter, it seems. Having first gotten a temporary overload by accident, I went into a positive feedback loop of negativity.

Thanks for all responses - still curious about the pattern. Do people routinely ignore fraud and shrug it off like wind damage? Do they sympathize with the crook, having their own fiddles? Do they think kind, gentle people are just the natural prey of the unscrupulous, neatly leaving themselves out of the loop? Do they assume I exaggerate instead of reporting honestly?

you were quoting me, i think.

it could apply to you if you are expressing anger in some way and nobody is listening. i don't yell either. i was a teacher for 5 years and a parent for 16 years, and i never raised my voice to them. once in a blue moon i yell at my husband.

if you're angry and people in general are pretty much universally not heeding you, the problem is not with them. learning effective ways to communicate will help you to get people to listen when you are angry.