Could I have Bipolar?

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Lately I keep getting these depressive episodes that only last for about 2 or 3 days. I feel OK when interacting with other people, but when I'm alone I feel depressed, self-loathing and isolated, oversensitive and also paranoid that people are judging me or don't like me or whatever. I know I'm on antidepressants but the depression I keep getting are more like depressive episodes, otherwise I am not depressed, if that makes sense. I think feelings of social isolation or exclusion from my peers triggers off these depressive episodes, but I can't be sure. I was thinking of going back to the doctor to discuss this but I'm afraid of changing my meds in case I get side effects that I don't get on Sertraline, like nausea or severe agitation. I've been quite lucky on Sertraline, as I have never really experienced any side effects, but I have been on them for 5 years now.

I shouldn't be depressed, because I am rather content with my job and my relationship with my boyfriend, so I wonder if the depressive episodes are caused by something else. I don't know much about Bipolar, and I've searched it up on Google but I want to receive answers that are more personal, rather than a blanket description.

What do you think?

I felt like this when tiredness from social activity built up - even if the activity itself was enjoyable.

It doesn’t sound like bipolar to me. People with bipolar also have manic episodes.

You were worried about having early onset dementia recently. I think more of your problems could stem from anxiety than anything else.

Do you ever worry about getting other illnesses? I, myself, was a bit of a hypochondriac when I was younger.

I'm not really a hypocondriac. But I haven't got any more stress than usual, and my job is laid-back and not stressful at all, not like my last job. I am actually happy at work and I don't even have social anxiety at work.

I'm NOT alexithemia, as I CAN identify my emotions easily, but lately I haven't run into much stress or anxiety, as my life has become rather easy. Socialising helps with these feelings. Also I meditate every afternoon, not like a Buddhist, but I mean I listen to an audiobook whilst relaxing on my bed, which clears my mind.

It doesn't seem like you are describing bipolar symptoms.

Bipolar Disorder, formally called Maniac Depressive Disorder (MAD), is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). When your mood shifts to mania or hypomania (less extreme than mania), you may feel euphoric, full of energy or unusually irritable. When you become depressed, you may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. These mood swings can affect sleep, energy, activity, judgment, behavior and the ability to think clearly.

Individuals can relive past traumatic events. The unused excess stress energy is stored within the muscles and nervous system. When the stored energy reaches the body’s capacity, it can trigger a massive uncontrolled release producing the mania or hypomania condition. And one of the reasons is that when you do these kinds of reliving or flashbacks, there's a tremendous release of adrenaline. There's also a release of endorphins, which is the brain's internal opiate system. In animals, these endorphins allow the prey to go into a state of shock-analgesia and not feel the pain of being torn apart. When people relive the trauma, they recreate a similar neurochemical system that occurred at the time of the original trauma, the release of adrenaline and endorphins. Now, adrenaline is addictive, it is like getting a speed high. And they get addicted not only to the adrenaline but to the endorphins; it's like having a drug cocktail of amphetamines and morphine. And after the stored stress energy is depleted, their body crashes into depressed state. The effects of coming down from a speed high are: feeling restless, irritable and anxious, aggression that may lead to violence, tension, radical mood swings, depression, paranoia, lethargy, and total exhaustion.

I am often restless and irritable but I do have ADHD. I had a depressive episode about 2 weeks ago, and I even lashed out a few times on WP, which isn't normally me. Also I yelled at my boyfriend over silly things, because I was easily sensitive. And I cried at work when I was told off for talking, and I even had a panic attack, which is not something that would normally trigger a panic attack. I'm not usually this sensitive, it was just part of the depressive episode I was going through. I thought I was going to have another one today but it fizzled out, thankfully.

Does it happen at the same time in your cycle every month? From your description it sounds like how I get when my gut is messed up and not eliminating estrogen properly and my hormones get imbalanced. Imbalanced hormones can have a huge impact on your mood and personality.

What you are describing doesn't sound like bipolar but there is a very large grey area between unipolar depression and bipolar which doesn't seem to be well understood.

This website has lots of information about it.

https://psycheducation.org/mood-spectrum-contents/