Can you truely accept it?

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People post on here everyday asking all kinds of questions but my own question is can you truely accept the fact that you are an Aspie and NOT an NT? I would be lying if I said I didn't want self-pity from NT's, because I'd gladly accept it, but I believe if NT's had to deal with these things they would break. Crumble. They wouldn't be able to do the things they like and want to do.

I've been thinking all day (not really anymore than usual, just feeling more depressed) about my life and what I want to do with. Now I'm working on going to college but that's not the point. I want to be a singer. We'll, I'm not mind-blowing but I think I'm pretty good at the genre I play music in. Problem is, I can't play guitar well enough. The Aspie in me kind of gets in the way of this because you have to do more than one thing at once. Now I know with practice I will get better and will be able to create music by myself but that's not the point. The point is most singers are out trying out for bands, but the Aspie in me holds me down. So here we are as Aspie's fighting the same damn battle over and over again which is making us incapable of being able to move on to fight the battles we really need to be fighting. I will not settle for anything less. I WILL defy the odds. I WILL blow minds away and break boundaries. I WILL make sure my voice is heard loud and clear. And settle for nothing less.

You follow? I'm sick at being at the low-recieving end of things. I don't think the normal people of this world understand what they have. They don't. They may be able to feel pain, but they can't feel mine. Not by a long shot. They have no idea what it's like. I can't accept this and I won't. It's BS and I'm frankly sick of the odds.

Do you really think that NTs have it better than us aspies? Look around you. I don't think so. They just face a host of problems that we tend not to face. Many NTs want to socialize, and that alone can create problems for them. NT types may want power and money, and that drive can literally drive them insane. I don't care about power and money, and that sort of bothers my father, whom I have always said has a few AS traits, but not a lot. As long as I get something wherein I can survive and do what I want, I am perfectly happy. I don't understand this incessant desire for more and more, or this greed that is supposed to be a drive for NTs, because it's not within me. And I also believe it will be the downfall of society. NT lifestyles are self-destructive, pure and simple.

I'm not saying that all aspie lifestyles are good and cheery, but we have a better take on things than more NTs. If we were accepted by the NT culture, I believe that, for the more gifted aspie types, our abilities could be put to use in a very positive way, because our passion is so strong. NTs are, for the most part, lazy and want to party all the time. Yet, when they force us into positions that are boring and dull, and we don't meet their expectations, they have the audacity to refer to us as lazy. NTs! What hypocrites!

There should be organizations dedicated to helping aspies integrate into the big picture. Really! There should be. There are hints at this, but let's say ... affirmative action for aspies? Why not?

- Ray M -

I like the idea of affirmative action for aspies .

I think sometimes I go back and forth on this issue - depending on my mood. Sometimes I think it is frustrating that things seem to be harder or take longer for me to do than for NTs. I look at these "supermom" types and wonder how can they do all this domestic stuff perfectly and/or work full time and it seems to take alot more effort for me. I realize though that I have other gifts and talents, but it would be nice too to be able to be so efficient (lol).

I do not have any special gifts or talents, so there are a lot of days when I wish I was not autistic.

I've never had any doubt that I was wired differently ever since I became social in my early teens. The only thing I really question from time to time is the accuracy of the diagnosis. AS+ADHD is better than some of the alternatives, I guess. It's just that I'm a real Jekyl & Hyde: almost NT at some times and obviously autistic at others. The doc says it's normal to have some variation in ability depending on how much stress I'm facing or how much sleep I'm getting, but this seems a bit much.

Does anyone else experience huge variances in ability during the day or from one day to the next?

Yes actually. One doctor told me it was important to make sure I get enough sleep, make sure I don't forget to eat, ect. (Which I often forget to eat so that might not be an issue for everyone. ) But he was very specific about trying to control or limit physical and environmental stress.

Yeah! Affirmative action! It's a really good concept, I think. I tend to think the skirmishes between aspies and NTs are a lot like the skirmishes between blacks and whites. It's a cultural difference, or so it seems to me. I believe it is something that should be integrated into civil rights concepts.

If I were to take a civil rights course right now, I may ponder the idea of writing a report on the differences that exist between us and NTs and trying to find ways to integrate us both.

I don't see the problems facing us aspies or similar folks as a disability. I see it as a civil rights issue. We need to stand up, because we should demand that we have rights, just like everyone else.

- Ray M -

I think that most of us do, though many may not see it that way, say if their special interest is something odd or strange. Still, though, it can be put to good use. If we had a program in place that could foster that understanding, a lot of us may probably be better off, give or take some of the sensory issues we face or whatever. There are those things that we are always going to despise, but unfortunately ... we don't have the choice of picking which symptoms of an autistic disorder we wish to have. It's really the same as wanting to be right-handed, when we are born left-handed. We just can't change those things, at least not from a natural perspective.

- Ray M -

When I was in high school I used to have brief periods where I'd become hyper-confident, relatively uninhibited, extremely energetic, and uncharacteristically talkative. I'd feel like I was able to do things which I never would've been able to do in my normal, 'low' mood.

I spent a lot of my time trying to figure out what triggered these periods, trying to get back to that state after it had worn off. I did many things to try and get back to this state: exercised early in the morning (I thought it would bring back my energy), ate Weetbix and Bran for breakfast, did relaxation/focussing/meditative exercises, got over 8 hours of sleep a night, and rehearsed social scenarios. But after a while the phases stopped and I stopped trying. The last phase I had was back in Year 9.

But in retrospect, I don't think those phases gave me any added abilities at all. They just made me silly, unfocussed, and I often made a fool of myself during them. But they sure did feel good! In fact it was like I was on drugs, even though I've never had drugs. The teachers even asked my friends if I was on drugs, which offended me, since back then I was a model student. Well, sometimes.

Yeah I have AS and was recently dx'd with ADHD as well and at times it can be a challenge, especially adding stress in, lack of sleep or just whether I'm depressed or anxious too. Some days I can do more than other days. I think that is likely why I never really got recognized well enough for either as a child.

I accept the fact that I have AS, I wouldn't be me without it, even though I do tend to get more anxious than most. I look at how the vast majority of NTs live and thank my lucky stars that I don't put the sort of pressure on myself as they do in life i.e. always trying to impress or be like each other to have social approval from 'the crowd'. I don't need to do that, if people don't like me for my genuine self then thats their problem not mine. NTs spend a lot of their time trying to fit in with the so called crowd whereas I don't waste my time. I'm quite happy to not be false and live by my own rules and not those of some crowd.

I think that's pretty much what I was getting at. My whole life has been like that, and I still cycle up and down on a frequent basis. If it was my mood going up and down then I'd talk to the doc about bipolar, but really I'm fairly depressed most of the time and it's everything else that varies. When I'm "up" I'm social, I can handle noise and lights, and I live "in the moment" (very conscious of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it). When I'm "down" I find it very difficult to talk to people, lights and sounds bother me, and I feel like I'm just a passenger in my own body (the routines take over). These cycles can last a few hours or a few days, and don't seem to be related to diet or drugs.

Wow, do I ever feel you on that! Music is my thing, but I can't sing at all:wink: , so I want to be a producer or work at a record label someday. But, sometimes I really don't know if I'm capable of doing it. I don't have the "right personality" to be in the music business, but what can I say...it's all I want to do.
So to answer your question, I do accept myself. I feel like I don't have much choice in that matter. What I don't accept is the situation I'm in right now. I'm not sure how to change it, though...

Even before I was diagnosed, I was hoping for some explanation for why I was different, and was desperate for something that would allow me to accept myself. Now that I know I have AS, I can accept that, as it's better than assuming that I'm just an NT who doesn't fit in and has no idea why. I do try and focus more on the advantages of AS, and try to see it as more of a "pro-ability" than a disability. I think that even with AS, if we try and look for a way to go about our dreams that suits us best, we can achieve what we want to do in life. I've just recently decided what I really want to do, and I will try my hardest to get there. I think that AS can actually help us achieve what we want, as it gives us the drive to keep going, while NTs may not be as focused on their golas as us. So yes, I can accept my AS, and see it as something to like rather than hate.

I've gotten to the point, where I can accept my AS. I have a lot of artistic talent. I have a srong connection with animals, and I'm able to understand what they're thinking and feeling. I'm more sensitive than "the Average Bear", even though I'm not willing to admit it to my Family and Relatives. Sensitive people is something that the World needs more of. I have an unusual Accent for a person who was born in North America. I can be a bit of a Snob about it, when I hear a more Autistic person who slurs their words, or sounds rather Rain Man-sih, but I've been working on that, since I was 13 and my Attitude is a lot better than it used to be. I can go for the Austin Powers look and get away with it, because most of my Friends and Aquatiences think it's cute. I have an innocent Mid 1960s' view of the World, and that also relates to my "cuteness". I've become more at Peace with my Obsessions, since Last December and I'm much more pleasent to be around, because of that. I think it's cute how I need to have a Die-Cast Routemaster within my view to soothe me to Sleep at night, to keep myself awake, when I do the Early Morning Laundry, as a silent prayer that they will be put back on their proper London Routes.

If I were to look at any of my British stuff, a year ago, I would have shook my head at myself, and tell myself that I was in Canada and I shouldn't dissapoint my Parents.

The reality is that my Parents enjoy my Company more, Today than they did a year ago, because of the major adjustments that I've done with my Attitude towards my AS and my most dominant feature of AS, which is Obsessions.