I'm afraid I may have Asperger's. Possibly ADHD? Both?

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I'm 21 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I know of girls that are interested in me, but I never step up to ask a girl out because I fear that I won't have anything to say to her after the first date. I feel that way because I am never able to have natural conversations with people. I hyperfocus and tend to mimic other people's points of view. Also, even if I feel strongly about something, I can never coherently put into words how I feel.

Also, sometimes I definitely feel like I have sensory overload. Like there are too many things going on at once, and I'm not sure which to focus on. Occasionally this makes me feel a little disoriented and my self-esteem plummets even more, making me feel extremely fragile. Like if I don't keep my mouth shut, I'll revert back to my primitive instincts and want to yell and curse.

Also, there is no middleground for me. If I feel strongly about something, I can't control my emotions. If I find something funny, I laugh too much. If I disagree about a tiny issue with someone, I want to jump down their throats. I mean I don't want to, but I feel like my brain automatically goes into overdrive. This has lead me to give up trying, because I don't have any type of emotional regulation. I live a life of apathy, and if I feel passionately about something, I don't bother speaking up because I: have trouble having a naturally flowing conversation, putting together a coherent story, etc. Also, I'm depressed and inattentive. Even when something interests me like a football game, I sometimes lose attention.

This has kind of lead me to be afraid to share my own thoughts, so I just give short or neutral answers. Also, I tend to mimic the personalities of people I enjoy being around, to an extent. I feel like I never have anything original to say. But then I can walk away and be alone for a minute, and I come up with 10,000 different things to say during the conversation. So..extreme performance anxiety or AS? lol.

If I don't bite my tongue around people, I can impulsively say something I later regret. In other words I have trouble thinking/processing everything before opening my mouth.

It's a strange type of inattention, sometimes I focus so much on something that into a stupor. Like I can't consciously pay attention to two things at once. I feel like I hyperfocus so much, that sometimes I'll take slightly longer for me to "get" or process things, but in the end I always end up understanding. Other times too many noises will make me feel like there is too much going on at once. Also, when I hear people laughing, in a classroom for instance, my brain automatically goes into defense mode and assumes they are talking about me.

My dad is a tech nerd with barely any friends and loves math. Also, he has the sense of humor of a nine year old. My mother has schizoaffective disorder and is also hyperemotional. Also, my parents are divorced. we are poor and can barely afford the tiny place we live in. Four people cramped into a two-bedroom apartment.

My family environment makes me feel like it could be causing a lot of my problems, especially since I usually feel much better/more confident, etc. if I sleep at another friend or family member's house.

Also when I was on antidepressants, all of my social problems went away, as did my obsessions and problems with inattention.

I am a music lover and used to keep a list of songs I heard on the radio that I wanted to download. Obsessively, I compiled a huge list of songs that I eventually wanted to get onto my iPod.

In defense, I have no one specific interest. I enjoy music a lot, enjoy all types of sports, play videogames, and do well in all subjects in school (though I really can't stand math) and can get along with all types of people; albeit on a shallow level. I never manage to make any type of emotional connections with people, and having low self-esteem doe (i feel like a lot of it has to do with me trying to control my instinct of wanting to jump down peoples throats instead of having a good conversation).

Also, I understand metaphors/puns/wordplay/etc but sometimes I take them literally just as a joke. I get along with people, but at a very superficial level, and actually have TROUBLE talking about myself because of my inattention and coherence. Also, I have a lot of ups and downs with motivation, usually downs, but if I try hard enough I cheer myself up.

I don't have any types of obsessions any more, only rumination as well as perfectionism. But ADHD-related symptoms, such as hyperactivity (some pacing, always keeping my fingers busy), impulsivity (talking related, get very angry much too easily), and inattention are all there.

My father is undiagnosed, and my brother is diagnosed ADHD. Personally, I'm diagnosed with dysthemia (minor chronic depression), social anxiety, and possibly OCD.

Speaking of social anxiety, I tend to NEVER get comfortable in situations. If I eat lunch with the same group of people everyday, if it get's extremely quiet for a long period of time, I get major anxiety and feel like I HAVE to step up and say something to stimulate conversation. Then my mind just starts to race. Other times I feel like I'm too depressed to even process what people are saying.

When talking to others, I tend to flipflop between focusing on the situation as a whole (resulting in generalizing, summarizing, and a brief conversation that leads nowhere) or spending too much time discussing the small details. I have a much easier time talking to guys and ugly girls than I do prettier girls, but I still have trouble communicating my wants and needs and balancing a conversation. Even though I do bettter than some, I feel like I am a complete phony. A fake. And I hate that aspect of myself.

I hate getting unexpected phonecalls, but I feel like that is mostly because I live in a small apartment and everyone can hear every word I say.

I have no trouble reading facial expressions, and I can easily tell when somebody is getting bored, though when that happens I get so anxious that I don't know how to steer the conversation somewhere else. I have some trouble processing audible directions, but i feel like that is because I'm easily distractive, inattentive, and such.

I should also throw in that I'm constantly late for appointments and such.

P.S. I'm a little clumsy, and sometimes get anxious about dumb things like people watching me while I walk or possible laughing behind my back. I'm bad with compliments that catch me off guard, as well as criticism, although I've learned to handle it pretty well.

So could these coping mechanisms be a result of ADHD along with a stressful environment? Or am I likely to have aspergers? I've had a psychiatrist for over a couple years, and he's never mentioned aspergers; I guess it's because I am a pretty good conversationalist when I'm with him (no distractions, intelligent conversation, etc.) I am excellent at reading facial expressions, have no strange specific interests, and can get along with people to a degree. I understand expressions, but sometimes tend to take them technically as a "joke".

I took one of the online tests, and it matches what I said: I have a mix of aspie and NT traits. It would be pretty debilitating to me if I do have AS, only because I feel like I've spent so much of my time trying to be more socially natural and competent. I think the only way I'll really know what's wrong with me is when I move away to college next semester to see how I really fair, but I also value any thoughts or opinions you guys may have. I flipflop between being kind of scared about living in a dorm with someone because of my awkwardness, and the excitement I feel of getting away, getting to a new place, going to a good school with lots of opportunities, etc. If you managed to read all of this, thank you.

Last edited by eatingcereal on 15 Dec 2010, 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Go see a professional who can diagnose you instead of asking strangers on the Internet.

Are you going to give me the money and/or insurance to provide me with quality care?

Only skimmed through it, but there are tons of things that don't match up to Asperger's. Do people even read the criteria anymore? It's a very obvious disorder starting from childhood and has nothing to do with being inattentive or having social anxiety.

Looking at the DSM-IV-TR Criteria helps me find even more evidence pointing toward AS:

(I) A total of six (or more) items from (A), (B), and (C), with at least two from (A), and one each from (B) and (C)

(A) qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
1. marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people, (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity ( note: in the description, it gives the following as examples: not actively participating in simple social play or games, preferring solitary activities, or involving others in activities only as tools or "mechanical" aids )
(B) qualitative impairments in communication as manifested by at least one of the following:
1. delay in, or total lack of, the development of spoken language (not accompanied by an attempt to compensate through alternative modes of communication such as gesture or mime)
2. in individuals with adequate speech, marked impairment in the ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
3. stereotyped and repetitive use of language or idiosyncratic language
4. lack of varied, spontaneous make-believe play or social imitative play appropriate to developmental level
(C) restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least two of the following:
1. encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
2. apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
3. stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements) I have occasional tics, and develop a neck tic in cold weather when around many other people. Not sure if I should bold.
4. persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

(II) Delays or abnormal functioning in at least one of the following areas, with onset prior to age 3 years:

(A) social interaction
(B) language as used in social communication I was an extremely quiet kid with little social interaction, although I had a friend or two
(C) symbolic or imaginative play

but like I said 90% of the symptoms disappear or fade with antidepressants, but I don't consider the side effects worth it.

Doesn't sound likely, but you really should seek a professional. Whomever diagnosed you with OCD, Dysthymia and anxiety is probably a good place to start.

Just because you fit the criteria doesn't mean you have the disorder; I meant more along the lines of understanding the criteria. The things you bolded can be explained by things like social anxiety or OCD. The main components of ASD are inpairments in social interaction-- this mostly means not understanding social communication -- if you don't have criteria A.1. it's heavily pointing to ASD not being the answer. You also need the repetitive routines/interest... the tics you describe are not related to ASD or the criteria. There is no medication for Asperger's Syndrome, so taking a medication would not help your symptoms unless they were that of a comorbid, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Leave off guys. We do know a lot about AS/autism and we can help someone get more understanding.

Personally, I think the OP has ADHD and social anxiety. Anxiety and depression is often co-morbid in ADHD.

Asperger's to me has a lot to do with obsessional behaviour (special interests / rigid thinking) and need for routine.
ADHD and AS are both very similar and you tick a lot of boxes with ADHD.

Now I'm going to list some symptoms that have to do with ADHD and AS.

Before going on SSRI's (because they can decrease obsessional behaviour) did you have a need to learn information and did you get fixaed on just one part of a subject?
ADHD and interests is more about stimulation. With ADHD you can jump from one interest to the other quickly.

Do you fidget to calm down or just do it for because of boredom or because you need stimulation? The former is AS, the latter ADHD.

Do you find some days you feel slower and other days you have a lot of energy and may or may not be able to focus more? This is combined ADHD.

Do you feel the need to move and if you don't do you feel restless? Obviously hyperactive ADHD.

Do you have routines and if you break them does this cause you distress? AS.

Do you find you know a lot about a subject but very little in some other areas? Either AS or ADHD.

Do you often find it hard to read a lot of text? Or do you at times find focus impossible? ADHD.

With me I have a good memory for my interests but because I have so many I only know a lot about what I spend most time on. Combined ADHD and co-morbid autism. Or co-morbid combined ADHD.

How much better do you function is you have caffeinated beverages?

Do you talk in a very technical way? AS.

Do you find it hard to keep focus on a conversation, even if just one on one?

No doubt you have sensory issues, which can be either AS or ADHD.

Do you have attention to detail or miss the details? People with ADHD don't focus long enough to get the details but with AS co-morbid you can switch from one to the other.

Are you more orderly or disorganised?


I have both autism and combined ADHD. I have a memory for facts but can forget them a lot. My short term memory is virtually non-existant. I have a very poor math memory. I cannot choose when or when not I want to focus. I have attention to detail on things that matter to me but miss a lot. I daydream constantly. I have chronic procrastination problems. I can be organised but can become disorganised. I hate change but I'm easily bored. I'm easily stressed too which can be either ADHD or autism. And because I'm a combined type of ADHD I can have little energy and sometimes too much.
In social situations it's hard to keep focus, even if just one on one and then I don't know what to say if I can follow a conversation. I usually just turn off again and daydream. My sensory issues are so severe that I never get to say much words to anybody. And then because I'm impulsive I say things that I end up regretting.

I hope that gives you more of a clue of what you have.

I think expanding on this might tell a bit more about yourself, how and why did you get anti-depressants? If all the problems went away what made you stop taking them?

Anti-depressants can stop working. They did with me. I didn't have any anxiety on them but I didn't talk much on them either.

My daughter has been on medication that has lost its initial potency, but even when it worked the best it didn't make her social problems disappear. It helped her stay calmer in situations that would spark a possible melt down, but she was still just as socially awkward as before.

I thought it was interesting to read that all his problems went away, I wondered if this was overstating the effectiveness of the antidepressants or if he was literally "all fixed" on them.

That's why I suspected ADHD. People that are medicated can socilaise much better than off them. There's either a lot of hyperactive attentional issues or a mind fogginess that affects the way they interact socially, but AS social awkwardness is more severe. The whole being able to read body language thing got me thinking too.
I don't remember what I was like on anti-depressants. I was drunk half the time which wasn't a good thing but I hardly had any anxiety. I remember when the anxiety came back. But I think I was always in a really dreamy state and wasn't able to talk to people.

When I was 20 I wanted to by an AR-15 rifle for target practice. I worked a crap job only making 7.70 an hour I saved and made sacrifices. I did not go anywhere, I did not eat out, I did not buy new clothes, I only bought what I needed, and I stayed away from making credit card purchases I was able to save up enough money to get the rifle I was suprised how quickly I raised the money when I controlled my spending responsibly. When I was 25 I hurt my ankle the place I worked at did not provide health care so I had to buy my own for four months I paid for my own insurance I had to make plenty of sacrifices to get it. It is not imposible for you to get the money unless you are lazy or lack the disipline to get it. Most testing costs around $1,500.00 you could easily make that in about 3-4 months working at a resteraunt or a retail store. You might even find a job that pays for half you insurance. Stop making excuses and telling sob stories get out and get that money.

If you are 20 aren't you on your parents insurance?