does anyone have a "refrigerator" mom?

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the notion that cold, unempathetic mothers cause their children to become autistic was dismissed long ago, but i sometimes wonder if it isn't absolutely true.
i haven't been diagnosed because i don't have the money to see a psychiatrist, but i think my mom has a lot to do with my inability to bond with others, make eye contact, etc.

my mom is very, very self-centered, self-righteous and controlling. she obviously doesn't have autism herself because she always seems to know exactly what i'm thinking by the look on my face. but she's awful and i can't even stand the sight of her. she's not physically abusive but unless you are smart (or grown up enough) to realize what she's doing, you'll be stripped of your own identity and emotions.

she has always talked to me like a ret*d, helpless baby. she tells me things that a 4 year old can figure out. she lectures me constantly, and demeans me over common, human mistakes. she's always right. she always has to be one-up. the look on her face is almost always stern and hostile - that, or she's smiling at me like a monkey in the zoo. when we're with her friends, she tells them not to offer me things like food, as if i'm a dog or something. i could go on and on about how much she screwed up my childhood...

i'm wondering if anyone else has a "refrigerator" mother, and i'm interested in hearing opinions/information as to whether or not this theory could be true.

My mom was not an Ice Queen. She was a Demon of Infernal Anger.

My mother was always quite loving and affectionate to the point where it felt oppressive and intrusive. But I guess I'd rather have an affectionate mother than a cold or abusive one.

I'd rather not say. I will say this, though. She does have the knack for saing the wrong things, at the wrong times.

First off, I'd like to point out that children are affected by the behavior of their parents whether they are autistic or not. So, you have most definately been influenced by her attitudes and/or actions. But, I believe that as far as her CAUSING your autism goes, there is a far more likely (and credible) scenario: You would have had autism regardless of her behaviors toward you, though the severity may have differed, it is just that you also happen to have what in my opinion, sounds to be a narcisistic and cruel mother along with said autism. So it's most likely purely coincedental. However, as I mentioned, her attitudes and/or behaviors towards you probably determined, to some degree, the severity of your autism.

No, definetelly not.

Nope, I don't have one. In fact I am the way I am based on how I was raised. Same as how I think of what kids don't even need.

ya know... she may have AS.... her disconnectedness and rigid sense of what is right and what you should do sound a bit like it.


im thinking that maybe my dad is a bit aspie

My parents never showed much emotion or paternal love. My mom is kinda like my ATM to be honest, and she doesn't understand my trials and tribulations but yet she'll kiss ass to my severely autistic brother. My dad is passive and lives in his own little bubble.

I plan to move out in 18 months after I graduate from college. And my contact with my parents will be limited to only what is necessary - housework, maintaining their cars and such.

I just remembered in my teens, my parents started to get mad at me about my anxiety. That one year was horrible for me and when I was reading my diary one day, I wrote how everyone gets mad at me for expressing my feelings, even my parents. Well no wonder I don't express myself well anymore. I learned to not do it. Honestly reading that diary entry was upsetting and I felt my old feelings I felt at the time and I wished I never read it. It almost brought tears to my eyes too. That's why I like to leave things buried in the past and never go back and read it.

People tend to confuse the terms "cause" "effect" and "symptoms" or coexisting problems. Just as not all people on the spectrum are the same, not all the mothers of people on the spectrum will be the same. However, most people on the spectrum are similar, so it can be expected that most mothers on the spectrum are similar. Almost every serial killer had an absent father and a domineering mother. Almost every serial killer acts the same. Sure, I'm not saying that people with AS are serial killers (it's almost the complete opposite for that matter) but you can apply this kind of pattern recognition to almost any person or group of people.

Nope, mine was the exact opposite of this, which is the only reason I made it as far in life as I have.

I've never assumed it had anything to do with AS, but my mother is, based on my limited experience with her, quite cold and incapable of compassion.

She did something very illegal and was not allowed to see me from before I'd even turned three years old until I was nearly nine years old. She managed to be legally allowed eight hour visitations every other week and I saw her three times before she did something else incredibly illegal and abusive toward me. No one found out about what she'd done until a decade later but after the abuse she stopped showing up to court etc. so she lost her parental rights entirely and I didn't see her again until I was fifteen or sixteen or somewhere in that age range. I moved in with her and my sister when I was sixteen, just for my first semester in college, and she proved herself to be quite awful.

I know from my sister, who grew up with her, that she killed multiple pets intentionally and in cruel ways, saying it wasn't practical to keep them or whatever. She tells outrageous lies. We occasionally speak on the phone. That's about it. I can't say I feel emotions for her in any way, but I do make time to talk to her about once a month. She attempts to manipulate me in negative ways so I'm quite vague and don't give her much more than twenty minutes. She believes she can convince me I am stupid, or that I am incapable of living a normal life, so I don't fill her in on any details of my life. I am somewhat amused by listening to her say I'm never going to accomplish things I've already accomplished.