Family reactions to disclosure

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Over the course of the past year or so, I've talked to all my immediate family members individually about the possibility of me being on the autism spectrum.

Mom:
I asked my mom if she'd ever considered the possibility that I was a bit autistic, and she said that yes, in the past few years she had. However, she seems to have concluded that the things about me that seem that way are actually due to other things - I was born (almost) prematurely and had to be in an incubator, and she thinks this hindered me from being able to bond properly; she also thought an unusual upbringing (or, as she put it, a 'weird mom') might have been a factor. She mentioned the fact that she was trained as a preschool teacher (more than 30 years ago) and learnt about autism then, and that I didn't fit what she'd learnt then. (I pointed out that that was before the less intense forms of autism were widely recognized.)

Dad:
When I asked my dad about a year ago what he thought about the idea that I might be on the autism spectrum, he first gave the disclaimer that he didn't know a lot about autism. He went on to mention several of the things about me that pointed in that direction (such as the fact that as a small child I had to be taught to like hugs - which my mom also mentioned), and point out one or two social weaknesses that he and I share and would do well to pay more attention to. In the end, however, he concluded that I was "not clinically autistic".

Sister 1 (about 2 years younger than me; I'm 28)
I mentioned the idea that I'm on the autism spectrum to her on the phone a couple months ago; I thought it was the first time I'd mentioned it to her, because I was pretty sure my dad was the first family member I'd mentioned it to, and I am still pretty sure I kept track of which family members I mentioned it to after dad. But she said I'd talked to her about it previously; I must have mentioned it to her a year and a half ago when I first really started to be aware of it. In the more recent phone call, she didn't dismiss the possibility of me being autistic, but didn't necessarily accept it either.

Sister 2 (about 5 years younger than me)
I mentioned that my extreme sensitivity to spicy things was one of several probable indications that I'm slightly autistic. She seemed very uncomfortable with this idea; her main reaction was "why would you put yourself down by calling yourself autistic?" I tried to explain that I didn't see it as putting myself down, just a way of describing how my mind works differently from most people's. She didn't seem to accept this, though after a few exchanges she might have gotten the point a little.

Brother (about 9 years younger than me)
When I introduced the possibility that I was a bit autistic, he didn't resist the idea; however, he kept trying to find pieces of evidence that might mean that he was also autistic - it was clear that he was not so much thinking "hey, that explains my experiences" as wanting to be autistic. It turned out that this was from a misconception that being autistic automatically means you're highly intelligent. I explained to him that while some autistic people are highly intelligent [in so far as the concept of general intelligence is useful, and I know it isn't very], it doesn't automatically go together, and there are autistic people who aren't particularly intelligent as well, and after hearing that, he immediately stopped trying to find evidence that he was autistic. He seemed open to the possibility that I was autistic, although not necessarily completely accepting that I was.

So I suppose the general trend is that most of my family (mom, dad, sister 1 and brother) are either open to the possibility that I'm autistic or recognize that I have some autistic-like traits, but don't necessarily think that I *am* autistic. I'm content with that reaction. Then I have the one sister who was highly resistant to the idea and thought I was putting myself down by saying I was likely autistic. I hope her attitude will change over time, but I don't know if it will.

So far, I don't think any of my family members know I've talked about it with other family members (though my parents may have discussed it.) I suppose my last family disclosure goal is bringing the topic up in a family group context so that it's no longer a private/personal matter, but something that can be discussed openly.

It's good that they didn't outright object to the idea of you being on the spectrum. They cant know what goes on inside your head so they probably wont be convinced until you are convinced. Whether that means an official diagnosis or not is up to you.

That actually went well. 4 out of 5 is pretty good

I remember when I came out about being bisexual.
I told my mom, who told me well that makes my fountain pale in comparison (she just bought a fountain) and then she told me not to tell anyone...but then went on to tell everyone herself

Sister: You know what the bible says about homosexuality and hell

Brother: it is just a phase

Dad: This is my fault...I sure it is

My natural father: I havent told him cuz he is penicostal and thinks that all homosexual people should be punished by God and that they have no rights

Mom's boyfriend: at first shock...but then, said ya I cant blame you.. pu**y is great.

My only significant surviving relative is my sister. When I told her, she said "well, we're all mad in one way or another aren't we?" I thought that was sidestepping the issue, though I think in her case it was mostly because she isn't very scientific and would have a lot of trouble getting her brain round the clinical way of describing people. So she's very much a "don't know" when it comes to autism. Nonetheless, she asked me what the DX would cost, and then sent me a cheque for that amount soon after I'd been through the process. She might shy away from looking at the condition in detail, but her heart's clearly in the right place, and I'm not disappointed in her. Aspergers Syndrome is a bit of a brainer.

I have no problem with people keeping an open mind. I myself can't really say that I know for sure I have AS. The tests are too subjective and arbitrary for that. All I know is that I have some of the traits associated with the (supposed) condition, and that they cause me trouble. A knowledge of typical AS traits helps me to understand myself, by suggesting possible reasons for some of my behaviour. I don't even tell people I have AS any more. I just tell them that I've been diagnosed as having it and that all I know for sure is that I have some of the traits, and that a lot of things in my life make better sense from an AS perspective. It's hard for anybody to argue with that.

Huh?

Mine all said, "Yep" "We've been saying that for years about you." My one brother said that he wanted a label too and my sister said, "How about ASS" "You can have the ASS part of Aspergers"

Honestly nearly 100% of the people in my life (and there are many) have thoguht the dx was spot on. Apparently it fits me like a glove and explains a lot of things for people...

LOL.

Sounds like your family has a well developed sense of humor.

True. (And even if I am convinced, they might not be.) I'm not going to try to get an official diagnosis at this point - I don't need one and expect that I therefore wouldn't qualify for one; if my life circumstances change that may change, and if I think a diagnosis would be useful, I will try for one. And I'll feel more comfortable seeking a diagnosis now that I know I can talk to my parents about it.


I agree.


It's an extreme sensory sensitivity that goes considerably beyond the reactions to spicy things that most people who don't like spicy things have. I find things too spicy at levels of spice where many people can't detect that there's any heat, and I experience the same heat from black pepper that I do from hot pepper, which most people find hard to understand or remember. I think it fits into the pattern of unusual sensory reactions including hypersensitivity in autistic people.

Probably not one of the best pieces of evidence to convince someone that you're autistic if they're inclined to doubt... but I wanted to discuss the topic of me being autistic with her, and my spice sensitivity was the first topic of conversation that provided a potential opening for the topic.
I mentioned another trait or two but my sister didn't find them convincing. (I don't think she really knows much about autism, though; and I don't think she's the sort of person to be interested in finding out more about it.)

These threads freak'n kill me. I WANT for people to not believe it about me. At least then I wouldn't feel so "exposed" or so "broken" socially. If you are actually mistaken for an NT, I'd say that was a pretty good thing as you have better skills than I do apparently.