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Morgana
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15 Dec 2010, 4:44 pm

I was just wondering if anyone else has something like this. When I go shopping- (say, Christmas shopping or something)- I get so obsessed with looking at the objects in the store, it´s almost like I can´t tear my eyes away to make eye contact with anyone- (for instance, store personnel)- when they try to talk to me, or even when I´m paying at the end. I know that I´m "supposed to" make eye contact with people, and- contrary to when I was a child- I am able to do it now, but it´s almost like, even though I know I "should", I don´t. It´s as if my body has a mind of its own. I just can´t seem to tear my eyes away from the colorful objects. Often it´s so bad, and I get so distracted, that I don´t even answer store personnel when they talk to me. I can tell they´re irritated, but I still can´t seem to help it.

?????


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15 Dec 2010, 8:11 pm

It depends on my mood. If I'm in a rush or my mind is on something else, I don't make any eye contact and talk as little as possible. If I'm feeling rather good, I might give them a nod and a smile. I always say "have a nice day" to everyone just out of reflex from working in customer service as a teenager. If its the people that come up to you in the store I have a few put offs I use. If they're trying to sell me something and I know it, I give them the automatic "I'm just browsing". If they're trying to help me find something, I say something like "I don't know the name of it but I'll know when I see it".

The only time I interact more than that is when I'm trying to get information on something I don't know a lot about, for example, somewhere like Lowe's and I'm looking for some specific part or gadget or I need some advice on a project. Some of the people at Lowe's or Circuit City are actually knowledgeable enough to be helpful (but not always I'm afraid). Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Radio Shack, Office Depot, don't know what they're talking about, as often as not.

Of course, for me it's not so much because I'm looking at things, but rather that I'm concentrating on finding whatever it is I came in to get, or thinking about something else, and there's just no purpose in chitchat. When they talk to me I'm thinking, I don't know you, have nothing terribly important to say to you, and the odds are good I wouldn't recognize you if I ever even saw you again. What purpose is there in this interaction?



Arman_Khodaei
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15 Dec 2010, 8:27 pm

My big problem with going to stores is that I tend to get nervous around employees, and I think this makes me look like a shoplifter which I have never done in my life. Well, I take that back. I once stole a magazine insert when I was in the sixth grade.


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the_curmudge
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16 Dec 2010, 1:35 pm

I don't worry about using proper eye etiquette with store employees. I figure they deal with all types and I'm far from the worst they deal with. It makes sense to keep my eyes on the objects for sale as I have to get a good deal of information about them in a short period of time, and although I might ask a question or two, most of the time I like to see for myself.

I wouldn't be deliberately rude, however. If I had a prolonged conversation with the clerk or asked him/her for an unusual amount of information, I would try to demonstrate good eye contact manners.



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16 Dec 2010, 2:08 pm

I'm really bad when checking out items. I don't look at the employer, most times I'm watching the conveyor belt and the items people are packing unto the conveyor belt. Then I'm to interested and looking at the pins machine [the card slider]. But while I'm doing all of this, I'm talking to the clerk, doing my fake smiles, but not actually really looking at them so I end up looking uninterested even though I am suppose to look sociably normal and interested.
I'm sure they think I'm crazy.



Cicely
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16 Dec 2010, 3:02 pm

I have problems with this too. I'm usually overstimulated to some degree when I'm shopping, and when I'm overstimulated my ability to make eye contact deteriorates.



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16 Dec 2010, 4:39 pm

I have a tendency to kinda depersonalize other people in a store - I perceive them as little more than moving obstacles which I need to avoid. This leads to me virtually never recognizing people I know when I pass them, and to my not realizing that someone is talking to me, when they do speak to me.

Once someone does get my attention, I am able to converse with them, and I behave quite normally in that type of conversation. At least, the same way I would elsewhere in a minute or two - even with someone I know, it never gets beyond the "Hi, how are you today? We haven't seen each other in weeks! We simply must get together sometime. Well, gotta go, so I can get home and make dinner!" level of inane meaninglessness. I interact enough with the checkout clerk to seem friendly, I think, but certainly not "chatty."



Pandora_Box
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16 Dec 2010, 5:02 pm

another_1 wrote:
I have a tendency to kinda depersonalize other people in a store - I perceive them as little more than moving obstacles which I need to avoid. This leads to me virtually never recognizing people I know when I pass them, and to my not realizing that someone is talking to me, when they do speak to me.



This is kind of how I do it.



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17 Dec 2010, 12:09 am

yes when im out shopping im more focused/interested on the products and just ignore making eye contact with people most of the time. i feel comfortable making eye contact and answering the how are you?can i help with you anything? from the employees and go on my way. but to go beyond the normality of standard expected chat out shopping, unless i run into someone i recognize/know i'll do it without much thought , but that happens very rarely.



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17 Dec 2010, 12:30 am

Pandora_Box wrote:
I'm really bad when checking out items. I don't look at the employer, most times I'm watching the conveyor belt and the items people are packing unto the conveyor belt. Then I'm to interested and looking at the pins machine [the card slider]. But while I'm doing all of this, I'm talking to the clerk, doing my fake smiles, but not actually really looking at them so I end up looking uninterested even though I am suppose to look sociably normal and interested.
I'm sure they think I'm crazy.


ya that is me. I am looking at getting it all on the conveyor belt, making sure it all rings up at the price I grabbed it for, grabing a pen, finding a new check, tearing it out and handing it to the cashier. Then I look for my ID, and look at the machine to make sure the check went through, At last I might say Have a nice day. I have no idea what that cashier even looked like...let alone eye contact. I dont worry about seeming rude, cause I used to work in a grocery store and if you ignore the cashier, he/she wont remember you in 5 min. either. If you were rude, you would:
ask 1/2 the items that were rung up to go back
ask the bags to be bagged in plastic, then in paper.
rush the person double bagging your groceries cuz you are late to pick up your kids.

basicly anything that requires more than standard effort to a cashier is bothersome, but if you ignore the cashier...unless you ignore them when they ask a question that pertains to getting the transaction overwith, they will be just as happy if you did ignore them cuz they are just there for a paycheck anyway.


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Morgana
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18 Dec 2010, 5:42 pm

Thanks, everybody, for replying! I can relate to basically everything you wrote. :)


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mosez
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20 Dec 2010, 12:09 pm

Ha! I hate shopping..especially now, around X-mass. I hate it..cause all the stress make me don't wanna have eyecontact..but when finally made it to the cashier...I feel I've got to..and the result..is a weird stare..and fumbeling..etc..yeah..know the drill...goes wrong almost every time


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wavefreak58
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20 Dec 2010, 1:06 pm

BAH!


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wavefreak58
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20 Dec 2010, 1:06 pm

HUMBUG!


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Pandora_Box
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20 Dec 2010, 1:46 pm

I've also left my groceries at the counter too. I can't text a quick message and pick up the very groceries I just bought. hahahahaa.