What is the best way to respond to dishonesty?
I recently met a couple of guys looking for a drummer on Facebook for an already existing band (their original drummer had left not too long ago). I met up with them at my place (I have a small jam space) to practice some covers and original material and things seemed to go ok (they said they liked my drumming and that they'd be interested in meeting up again and would consider having me join the band).
The next day, after I sent a message to the singer thanking him for coming out, he said that instead of us jamming again in the near future, I should instead send him audio or videos of me playing to the songs we already played at practice so that they would be able to program the drums in at a later date. One of the reasons he gave was that I didn't have a good enough vocal amp for him to use but I don't know if that had anything to do with it.
Anyway, I sent them the videos he asked for. Within a few days he told me that they liked the videos and that they had decided to go with me but that I basically wouldn't be involved in any of the band stuff in person for at least a few months because they were busy recording the rest of the tracks and didn't have the money to record the drums in an actual studio but that they'd program the drums at their own space. He said that we would be able to jam closer to when they felt they were ready to perform live.
After four months of waiting and still not hearing back, I got a notification from the band's FB site that they were having their first live performance on Dec. 31 (it had already been announced a week earlier though). I messaged the guy and facetiously said "hey, just saw we're having our first gig next month. What time should I get there? Think we should rehearse first before we go on?" He messaged back saying that they decided not to use a drummer for any upcoming gigs and were just going to use programmed tracks. He also said he didn't mention the event to me or invite me to it because he thought it would be "rude" (huh??).
Now at this point it's obvious I'm not in the band but what really irritates me is the complete lack of contact from this guy for four months when he told me he'd keep me posted with updates on what was happening. If he changed his mind about having a live drummer then why wouldn't he say something instead of having me contact him first? Was he ever planning on telling me anything? Tbh, I've had other bands ghost me as well but they never actually confirmed any plans with me after we met like this guy did so I didn't really hold it against them too much.
I'm just wondering if it makes any sense to call him out or if I should just give up and ignore him. I kind of want to call him a liar, especially since he complained to me about another musician ghosting him and how much of an "honest guy" he is but I don't feel like it's going to do much good.
DuckHairback
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Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 45
Gender: Male
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I tend to think that if someone can square this sort of behaviour with their own conscience in the first place, they're unlikely to change their mind or feel any remorse on being called out on it.
So the question is what do you want to achieve? If it would make you feel better to vent at him then do it, but if you're looking for any sort of genuine contrition then forget it.
Personally I'd say rise above it, they're not worth your time. Move on.
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Listen big boy, now that I've got you made, goodness but I'm afraid, somethings going to happen to you...
So the question is what do you want to achieve? If it would make you feel better to vent at him then do it, but if you're looking for any sort of genuine contrition then forget it.
Personally I'd say rise above it, they're not worth your time. Move on.
Yeah, that was my feeling too.