Either the world is more accepting or flying purple penguins

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I have a wonderful, loving, accepting (immediate) family. (Extended family I didn't even process.)

Today really shouldn't be cause to say that.

Lately, I seem to run into a whole bunch of people who get it. Like, I was experiencing severe sensory overload, mostly or wholly auditory, this summer while at a church function. A Sunday school teacher had agreed to give me a ride. I managed to stay appropriate the whole ride there! In fact, once we got there, I think I approximated normal behavior really, really well for about two whole minutes!! (I must be getting so good at faking normal. Really. I think I deserve a trophy for my impressive performance. /sarcasm) After which I ceased interacting fully normally (but didn't become fully uninteractive if pressed) and kept my hands over my ears more than 70% of the time, and actually left the room for much of the function. This is definitely inappropriate behavior. And the Sunday school teacher? Tells me she has experience and not only tried to help but opted for an actually helpful strategy (she showed solidarity, made sure I wasn't lonely or forgotten but didn't overload me with interaction, kept quiet, empathized (she ACTUALLY HAS experienced worse sensory overloads than mine), asked what it was precisely that I was diagnosed with and responded to my rather pro-neurodiversity explanation by suddenly proving that she already believes in neurodiversity, though not in so many words and with some iffy unquestioned assumptions-- I say all this in case there's a mother out there who cares more about the how than the "how odd that this is common", and anyway, feel free to ask for clarification).

Today I was woken up by a lawnmower. I stumbled into my grandma's room, crying, and was met with sympathy-- well, that's to be expected. My grandma's just wonderful and that lawnmower bugs EVERYONE. Most people to the point of feeling bad, me to the point of crying. And anyway, other than that I managed good social skills.

Then we went out to lunch with some cousins. I really TRIED to tell myself "look up" and "don't look like a target" and "be aware of your surroundings." I was very aware of my surroundings. I was very aware of the floor. I mean it. When I looked up, the images sort of didn't meet my eyes, didn't come over to be processed. I mean, I'm not talking about losing abstraction-- I processed that there were people, tables, booths and chairs. And then I went and watched the tablecloth. It had fruit on it. And spoke in my default (in the sense that it takes energy to not do it, but I expend that energy automatically a lot of the time) tone of voice. My default tone of voice is a monotone that I'm told sounds angry. I guess this can't be called a great idea, but I figured parents of autistics get blamed, parents of typical teens get sympathized with, so I pulled out my cellphone and stared at it (maybe I would have looked less rude if they'd seen that I was reading the Bible-- actually I made about two posts on WP, too).

And what did I get from that? Surely I could expect a lecture, and the scorn of my cousins? Nope. Cousins smiled at me, Grandma told me how bored our cousins made her, Mom said she'd figured out that there was something bad inside and nothing she could do could help. (Actually I was just tired. Falling into autistic perceptions and behavior instead of expending the invisible effort to look normal. I was so tired and unable to process everything that I was actually better off because I didn't register the sounds, which I was aware were very loud, as much as I might have otherwise.)

I don't remember when, but a while ago (maybe a year), I had a meltdown in school. And everyone was worried about whether or not I was okay. As opposed to how they're SUPPOSED to react (hating me, punishing me, expelling me, sending me out into the wilderness at night with instructions to not come back-- not kidding there, but it was at a summer camp, and my mother was there, and one of them then came out and decided to give me a ride over to where my mother was-- it was a big summer camp-- probably not dangerous-- not scary either).

It's getting weird now. This stuff isn't supposed to happen-- doesn't happen-- what's going on? I'm serious. I'm acting way more autistic than usual. I have a new stim. Instead of putting on an NT front I talk about who I am and what I think, and so I tell people I have a whole bunch of symptoms they never thought. I'm serious, after that, I spent today rocking really hard (as opposed to kind of slowly and in an arc of not very many degrees) and snapping my fingers (brand new stim). I have decided to lay claim to a ring of somethingorother (plastic?) for a stim toy, too, but I don't think anybody saw that and anyway that sort of thing is typical for me.

Why has the world become a more accepting place? Does acting more autistic make me more acceptable? What's next? Will the Ku Klux Klan start supporting black pride? Will Niagra Falls run red with Red 40? Will chocolate stop being awesome?

In think in general there is better awareness and understanding of autism than there was ten years ago. Human awareness and understanding leads to better acceptance. After all, people with the condition of epilepsy were considered to be possessed by demons before that condition was understood.

You brought up a good point that your Sunday School Teacher had sensory overload experiences worse than you. The world has so much more sensory stimulus that it used to have that it is probably driving many people to levels of discomfort they didn't feel earlier in their life when things moved slower. So maybe there is a level of shared experience that creates better acceptance.

I don't think that you becoming more autistic has anything to do with, maybe just better understanding, unconditional love, and acceptance, and a condition shared in someways by others living in the increasingly overwhelming world around us.

The worse my symptoms get the more I get yelled at. Can I have your family?
I find the more high functioing I am the more people treat me well and say they understand my autism. WTF? My symptoms were not causing me as much grief back then.

My guess is that things are changing for the better. People are more accepting than they used to be. Things were really bad when I was in high school. I'm glad those days are over.

Pensieve, the thing is, I could have said the same thing three or four years ago! (If, three or four years ago, I had been thinking about autism, or aware that I appeared different when people were reacting differently to me, I could have said exactly that.)

Maybe I just know some awesome people.