This is totally screwing with my head

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I thought the people in my life understood I had asperger's syndrome and I've known about it my whole life but it's REALLY HARD for me to explain to people. Like if I have a meltdown and go sit in the closet and cover my head and rock, yelling at me is only going to make it worse and cause me to resort to other measures to relieve the stress I'm feeling. Like it's a guaranteed way to get me to knock something off of a shelf, just scream at me while I'm having a meltdown.

And the more I try to explain it, the more I'm told I'm using it as an excuse.

There has got to be a simple book I could give the few important people I have left in my life so they'd know I'm not just making this s**t up and every problem we have with each other aligns with AS symptoms and they are indeed making it worse by reacting in anger/hateful words etc.

I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed. I'm visiting family and it's the first time I've felt OK in a while because they know how to act around me in a way that doesn't feel like they are purposefully agitating my symptoms. It's making me think I might just move home and I don't want to undo all the progress I've made toward being independent just because a couple of people are having a hard time wrapping their heads around AS.

And really it's laziness on their part, I give them links, they say "No, I know what asperger's is, I don't need to read about it." and then demonstrate later that they clearly don't know much about asperger's, they just think it means I have a high IQ and act somewhat awkward in social situations.

This is driving me mad.

I am currently reading this book and I find it immensely helpful to myself. The focus is more with children than with adults, but it explains a lot of things that go on in the mind of a person with AS pretty well in my opinion. It also advocates patience and trying to understand the person with this condition, so I think it might be helpful in your case.

The drawback is that it is a pretty big book (500+ pages) which might keep some people from tackling it, but in my opinion all those pages are stuffed with useful information that has helped me to understand myself a lot better.

Sorry to hear what you are going through, I went through something similar with my family (but they didn't know I had AS and couldn't even try to explain to them why I was different).

You could try pointing out to them that there a many different types of asperger's with varying severity of different symptoms; some are neat freaks, some are slobs, some can't even recognize facial expression, some have great academic success, and some have trouble with even simple assignments etc...

What I hate about how people portray AS in the news or in psychiatric documentaries is that they have to pick the people who have the most severe symptoms, and they never have the sense to mention that there are differing severities of symptoms. This is why I didn't discover until recently that I had AS.

I agree on the book selection I am also part way through Tony Attwood's book and it's packed full of information. For something shorter and with a bit of humor try Greenturtle74's Guide to Aspergers listed in this forum he developed it to explain to his friends what he goes through. You can copy it for your own use as he has given permission. It might get things moving in the direction of more deeper conversation and understanding.

I've had kind of the same issue with my roommate. I've known him for 14 yrs now, so he knows how I am. I told him last yr that I have AS and his reaction was that he was familiar with it and not surprised. Yet he is still put off or surprised whenever one of my aspie traits rears its head. Short of a doc who studies AS professionally, I don't think it's truly possible for NT's to understand how we work. Some may be able to handle they way we are, but that's different from really understanding us.

All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome by Kathy Hoopmann

This is a short picture book that may be more suitable.

If you want to be an independent adult, you are going to have to realize that you will run into people who do not understand you, and you will have to find ways to mitigate stressful situations before it reaches a point your can't deal with.

In many situations, if you politely indicate to others that you need some space, most will respect that. For those who won't, you will have to make up some reason why you need to step out for a while.

I agree with Chronos. It isn't easy but being free has significant benefits for us.

VetWithAS also makes a good point in that NTs really don't understand us. Some may accept us, but they are truly few and far between. Being under the thumb of someone who doesn't or won't accept me is intolerable. Freedom is worth the fight.

There will always be those who refuse to see. Don't waste your time on them if you can help it.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds". -Einstein

I have learned that one of my Aspie traits is an ability to endure. It isn't elegant, but it succeeds. I am very often able to simply outlast my persecutors and allow justice to take it's course. I have read that this is a common trait for better or worse.

A good 'heavy bag' in the garage helps too.

This is the next book that I'm going to order off the kiosk at Chapters. It will have to be in March, when I'll know what I'm doing with my money.

If someone told ME they do all the AS stuff, and I didn't have the SAME problems, etc.... I would NEVER believe it. And there are TONS of lies in books, on radio, on tv, etc....

Unless you can find an article from someone they respect, they may NEVER believe.

I haven't even told my father yet, though he knows I am odd, have social problems, etc.... HE has freinds that are mostly from his OBSESSION. He plays with a rich and famous guy that stims, and he said they DID say something about AS! He ALSO knows that the school, in first grade said I had social problems. A school psychiatrist blamed HIM!(AS wasn't in the DSM, and I certainly couldn't fit under the autistic label they had then.). STILL, my father would probably say I'm NOT AS!

And people ARE generally LAZY.