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Hi. I am a mom of a 15 year old son with Asperger's. In the last few years he has become increasingly violent and we don't know why. I'm afraid he is going to end up in jail or worse. Here is a few facts about our situation...
My son is very intelligent , I would say brilliant. He has always had a facination with anything pertainig to the Army, weaponry,training,strategy,etc. He has become the bully of our own home. He had a growth spurt and he is now bigger than anyone else in our home. He threatens everyone in our home. He started threatening us with punching us or making our lives miserable. These were generally empty threats,however he would get into fist fights with his brothers. His threats toward us have mainly been psychological,such as ,him threatening suicide or hurting the adults physically. We have tried and tried to explain to him that its not ok, and that he can go to jail for doing these kind of things. His response is ,he doesnt care. He says they will put him in jail,and he is ok with that. I've tried explaining that he cant get into the military with any type of violent record and he says there are other military he can join,not just the U.S.

We assumed these were mainly empty threats. We assumed that he was having trouble in school ,or with girls, and he was taking out his anxiety on us as a way to relieve stress.

That is when we found a letter in his room saying goodbye to everyone. He is a perfectionist. He has above 100% grade in most classes and because he got a 98% in a class he was going to kill himself because he thought he wasn't good enough. We as a family have never put any pressure on him at all to be better. We tell all our kids if they are doing well and happy thats all we care about.

We also found that he is not having problems in school as we previously thought. He actually hangs with the popular kids and dates a cheerleader.

We are at a complete loss. He was taking meds a few years ago for depression,and its no mystery that he needs to start taking them again,but he refuses and the doctors and psychologist say we cant force him. This is crazy. He doesnt know we cant force him . He says he doesnt care if he has to go to jail or a mental hospital,he is not taking meds.He does seem more at peace on meds.,but he says that he still feels the feelings and thoughts he has now he just doesnt act on them.

He tells us all the time that he is better than us and that he hates us all. Then he will have days that he is fine,laughing and giggling with us like he used to.
He was making comments to me that something evil was coming to him in his dreams telling him mean things to do and that if he didnt do it,it would scare him and make him have bad headaches and nightmares. This was a big concern for me because my father is schizophrenic. Having lived around my father many years though ,he doesnt exhibit any other symptoms of this disorder. I even caught him telling my 12 year old that he likes to torture everyone in the family,me by telling me things like I mentioned earlier and his brothrs by threatening to hurt them. I've told him this behavior isnt ok,and he cant act like this. He says he doesnt act like this anywhee but home.

I really need any thoughts on this becauseI am afraid I will have to call the cops or mental health professionals if it doesnt stop.

By the way,we have taken him to psychiatrist and they prescribed hm paxil,which he only took for a month then refused after that. I asked for something stronger ,they evaluate him and said he didnt need it. He then laughed at me and said he was smart enough to know what to tell tem.

I have no idea what has turned my sweet,good hearted son into a twisted ,sadistic, bully overnight. Any help,ideas ,anything I would appreciate.

Call his bluff.

Next time he hits someone in your family, have him arrested.

Let's see...first of all, he's 15 - ouch! 15 is hard enough. Second, he lives in a world, all of which appears to be singing the same "there's something wrong with you" tune, and try to imagine how the rest of his life looks to him. He thinks he has nothing to lose. Nothing. When your own mother joins the chorus...well...where can you go from THERE?

Tell your son that you were wrong. Tell him that there's nothing wrong with him. Tell him that what they call Aspergers is not a disease or a defect. Tell him that he is merely a bit further along the evolutionary scale than most people and some fringes of the scientific community are only just now beginning to see that. Tell him he's not alone. Tell him you don't understand it but that there are others out there, like him, who are figuring it out. Tell your son that he can do things that regular people can't do. Tell him that he is not subject to social rules. Tell him how cool that is and how everyone on the planet wishes they weren't either. Tell your son that you are sorry and that you wish you could start over with him and tell him that if he hates you that it's ok. That you understand. That anyone would, under those circumstances. Tell him that he must figure it out for himself because, apparently, most of the world and all of authority has it wrong. And then tell him that you would be most grateful if he would, as he is figuring it out, try to help you understand it too and promise to do your best.

Sorry but I tend to agree with them....Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,but your joking right? While some of what you wrote did make sense,I dont understand apologizing.? I think you misundrstood what I was asking,but thanks for your comment. I have tried to treat him as "normal" as possible,becuse that is how the rest of the world will treat him someday,and when he goes to the doctor it is treatment for his depression. Guess I just need reminded that he does have Asperger's ,but he still has the same capabilities to be controlling and manipulative as the next person. So I believe calling his bluff will be good for the threats,etc......


Does anyone have any ideas on his perfectionism? Are there any ways to help him cope with the stress associated with that? Or does anyone have any methods they find useful themselves in handling stress other than meds.?

I would also like to add that I myself am an Aspie. I have trouble in dealing with some of his issues though because we are two different people and have different issues. Some of he issues he deals with are hard for me to understand, but I do try to educate myself and help him in any way I can.

I am dead serious. I don't think I've ever been more serious. She can, of course, continue with the pushing that brought this on but...well...it's too late now, isn't it? She can't un-read what I wrote. If she doesn't take my advice, the only question left is: Can she live with herself in the aftermath of what's going to happen if she continues as she has?

Do you know where the lack of empathy originates? I do. Any 3 year old NT can tell you that it is impossible to garner empathy for someone who tortures you, day in and day out, by ridiculing you, bullying you, pushing you, judging you "unacceptable" and telling you that you are defective. All of those things mean the same thing: "Your very existence is wrong.". Well, there are only 2 remedies for that. You can either magically morph into a different person or you can cease to exist which leaves you with only one possible remedy. And you can't blame anyone for taking the only remedy available to them. Nor could you blame them for taking a little taste of revenge before they go.

There's a third choice that few people take. You can not give a rat's ass what other people think or say or do. For NTs, caring what the other guy thinks is what makes the world go 'round but anybody, HFA, Aspie and even NT, can step off that insane merry-go-round. Anybody. But they gotta want to.

This is the source of war, folks. It is the source of terrorism, mass murder, serial killers - all of humanity's worst nightmares. If you're going to torture someone, you should be prepared to either kill them or strap them down for the rest of their life. Otherwise, the results of all of your hard torture work can pop up and shove a bomb up your whatsit, whether you like it or not and regardless of how "right" you think you are. Unless, of course, it's a Jesus or some other MORE than human-type being.

But it's a good news/bad news thing, too. The bad news: It's the nature of the beast. Whether you like it or not and whether you believe it or not. You reap what you sow. The good news is that every breath you take and every thought you think is an opportunity to turn yourself around. You are whatever you are, in this moment, only. Nothing less and nothing more.

LINK: Salon Article - Psyche Meds Drove My Son Crazy

I guess it's a pretty tough decision. "Let's see...help him - be right - help him - be right? Hmmm...that's a tough one...screw him, I wanna be right.".

stop emotionally supporting him - when he has a break down, let him know that part of being a family is being there for each other. If he alienates everyone then he will, one day, be completely on his own, with nobody there for him. I'd just ignore his good days and bad, and spread the word to everyone else, until he gets the picture. Worse case scenario, put him into an institution for a few weeks for hands-on therapy.

I think Cyd's basic point is to tell him he is different, not defective. And that he is not the only one. I think that would be a good idea. The rest of it, well, not so much.

I think the idea of possible schizophrenia is not at all out of the question. It does come up usually with young people in their teens or early twenties. A mental health professional with experience with that as well as depression and ASD, if one could be found, would be a good idea.

(Do you have pets? There's research that MAY link schizophrenia with what you can catch from cat litter. And improvement if the infection is treated.)