My mother undiagnosed?

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Hi. I don't feel entirely comfortable talking about this but the thought won't leave me (with all this talk of genes etc) so i need to get it out.

Technically (officially) my mum is NT and I am the one with the diagnosis (aspie). However, despite my massive struggle as a child, our traits may suggest things are the other way round. It's easier for me to list:

• My mum struggled at school
• had / has a limited number of friends
• She has low self esteem
• very rigid in personality
• Obsessed with "rules and regulations" - (won't tolerate any interpretation)
• still gets a hard time at work, despite being in the same job for +5 yrs
• Her last long-term relationship was with my father (26 yrs ago)
• can't cope with busy places (Birmingham New St railway station for example)
• very creative, extremely good at art
• speaks of a topic in great detail, won't summarise despite my requests!
• never lies, sometimes a bit too honest - my mum let me know the truth about the Tooth Fairy and Father Christmas in what i can only describe as cold blood!

Family background:

• My Nan (her mother) suffers from OCD, possibly anxiety
• My cousin (her niece) is having a very hard time with anxiety and possibly low self esteem (despite being rather outspoken) - although this may have been trigged by unfortunate events

I have not made this thread to speak of my mother in a negative light. She is the most amazing person I know and I'm confident that anyone that meets her will agree.

This whole thing could be a coincidence, but I want your thoughts. My mum went through hell bringing me up and if there is anything I can do to return the favour I will

It was only after having my son and getting his diagnosis that my own ASD was brought into light. Despite a lifelong struggle, no one ever suggested I be assessed throughout my childhood or early adulthood. I believe their are many people who have gone through life without a diagnosis. Even when my son was having difficulties there was a relative ignorance about autism and Aspergers. It is quite possible your mother was overlooked but the general consensus amongst doctors seems to be that if you have not been diagnosed in childhood, there is not much point in getting diagnosed as an adult because you will have learned a way to get by. If she wants an assessment herself she can request one, but there is some debate whether a diagnosis is a useful thing or not. Do you think it would improve her life to know whether doctors agree with what you assume to be true? Have you ever talked to your mother about it? In my opinion it is highly likely to be hereditary. My dad is undiagnosed but in my opinion very much an aspie.

Hi there. I'm not sure whether it would be beneficial for my mum to have a diagnosis at this stage of her life - she gets by - in the same fashion as i do. No, I've not spoken my mother about it and for some reason I daren't. Also, all these things mentioned upthread are on my mother's side of the family so I feel i would be opening a can of worms that is not for me to open.

It seems that your mum was overlooked. A lot of female aspies are.