Ugh What the Hell

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So my mom is upstairs, and she's been doing something downstairs, I have no clue what. She was talking on the phone too, but I didn't exactly hear the conversation. I'm making music. We haven't had lunch yet and so when she finally comes upstairs I wait till she sits down and stuff. And I walk into the bonus room.

I ask, "What do you want me to make for lunch?"

She goes, "I don't know, why do you always have to come in like that? Always ask me for something you want to do. No, walk in here and ask me what's wrong or why I'm upset, why do you have to prey on the weak?"

What the hell? I mean come on. One I wasn't listening into her conversation, second she didn't look upset to me I had no clue I'm not preying on the weak, and third if you're upset talk to me don't expect me to know that you're upset.

My response was less then stellar though, but its so frustrating. She always gets mad at me for not understanding she's in a poor mood. I'm not asking her to cook, I'm going to cook, but I ask people what they want because they get mad when I make just whatever. I also don't listen into people's conversations.

I replied, "Fine, screw you too." [yes, I used the word screw]

I walk out.

She replies back, "And you always leave in a fit,"

Me, "Yeah because you're rude,"

Once again a response because I'm mad. This just happened, so I'm writing this out as a thread of frustration. Its annoying.

Maybe she was organising a Christmas present?

If I gave my mum that type of response I'd be out on the street.

I have actually acted the same way when people come in my room unannounced. Maybe she has spectrumish traits?

My dad is the one we got it. He has more spectrumish traits then mum.

Mom's just an uptighty woman. Still, I hate when she expects me to know things just right off the bat.

You walk in the room and you say this:

And she replies this:


wow ... what brought this on? I think its really nice of you to even offer to cook for both of you. I mean I would understand if she had just asked you to knock ... but the whole thing about preying on the weak, asking her what's wrong, I don't get that, were you supposed to guess that she was upset?

Anyway I've done some things similar to your answer, when my parents would say upsetting stuff like that I would go to my bedroom and tell them they were crazy.

One way I have found to defuse communication glitches before they lead to unpleasantness, is to reflect back. Meaning, when your mum responded that way, you could say, "You're upset?" She may or may not respond in a way that makes sense, but this will show her that you are not being inattentive. My counselor told me about secondary emotions. What ever was upsetting your mother was too big to address, so she chose to address something that she felt was more manageable; criticizing you. In her own way, she was asking for support but was afraid you would reject her.

Of course it's frustrating. That conversation was going in two separate directions.

I'd just say, sorry I didn't know you were upset, want to talk?

Does she know you have AS? Maybe remind her that things aren't always obvious to you.

to be in your twenties and have such worries...

twas a much simpler time.

Yeah she knows. I was diagnosed.

@Master: Its holiday break and I'm spending the time over. My younger brothers like me around so I decided to take a Christmas week at home.

That sounds a lot like my mom and mine's interactions.

Looks like I have to be the as*hole who says it: Maybe it's that time of the month, buddy.

Gross.

I'd say you both owe each other an apology. I think the time of the month thing isn't far reaching. She was very inconsiderate despite what was a very kind and generous gesture. (My mom would stare at me with alien eyes if I offered to cook for her) At the end of the day, thats still your mom, if you don't want her to be happy, who do you want it for.