"Thanks"

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such pleasantries are necessary social lubricants.

I say it all the time, because I'm a nice person.

And a small price to pay compared to others. I'd count myself lucky if politeness was all that was asked of me.

I don't have any trouble saying a quick "thanks" to sales or trades people as an end to the conversation.

I say thanks to pretty much everyone... I even say it in response to "thanks" or "thank you." For some reason I never remember "you're welcome."

I'm sometimes sincere but usually it's just what you're supposed to say, and I say it because people get shirty otherwise.

Last edited by Verdandi on 29 Dec 2010, 2:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

I'm usually being genuinely polite when I say it, but I'm sure I've said it in a sarcastic manner before.

It's right up there with "How are you?"

Such niceties have become automatic with me. They're just part of the social "scripts" I've learned over the years.

Although, there are times when I actually mean it.

For years I've talked about social "scripts" to describe how I deal with people in many contexts (such as when to use niceties). I am kind of amazed (and relieved) at how common this (and other similar formulations) is here. I'm used to people (NTs) not understanding what I mean when I talk about this sort of thing. That is, it's good to know I'm not alone.

I do it for both reasons. I say it to be nice and polite and I also say it when I mean it.

I always mean it when I say it and I don't recall ever saying it when I didn't mean it.

I just say it because I am supposed to most of the time. I suppose it is my lack of theory of mind, but the way I see it is, 'Isn't it obvious that I am happy with this {present} you got me? Why do I need to add what seems like a pointless word to this?' I have been like this since I was a kid. I do say thanks more nowadays but because of my speech problems it usually comes out more like 'fanks' or sometimes even without the 'f' sound altogether! If I am really happy with something, like I was on Christmas when I got a lava lamp, I say 'fank oo ve-y much'... This seems to work!

That's so like me I could have written it myself!
I have huge problems with social niceties like this because they feel so pointless and ritualized, exactly for the reasons you give, and sometimes overcompensate by mumbling nonsense "ooh, ta - fank-oo ver much" noises instead (which I immediately wish I hadn't and feel worse for having done so). The "socially correct" response sometimes pops up in my head after I've said something daft and then I go into an analytical spin, mentally kicking myself for not coming up with it on cue.
At other times I might be so pleased/happy about something being done to/for me that I have a mini-meltdown and can't respond in any intelligible way at all. Sometimes I just well up and go all teary; that's a bit embarrassing...

I mostly say it in all the right places socially, but I happen to mean it most of the time. It's not hard to show a little positive energy once in awhile.

I don't say thank you to get someone out of my face. I'm too likely to push back in that situation.

Maybe it isn't necessary to actually verbalize the word "thanks" ~~

But it's just basic good manners to somehow express gratitude, when someone does something nice for you. If it happens to be something you really don't want them to do (certain types of "help" come to mind) ~~ "Thanks, but just to let you know, I would rather you don't do that again please."

Obviously this can only apply if one can recognize the occasion when it's appropriate to thank someone, and has a way to communicate with that person. In other cases it just gets worked out, maybe misunderstood ~~ it is what it is.

Just because I say it to be polite doesn't mean that I'm not also sincere.