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daedal
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12 Jan 2011, 1:02 pm

Since you were a child and all your symptoms were in the open? For example, with things like social interaction. For me, I am much more anxious when talking to people because I know now that I don't know how they'll react. But give and take conversation is almost easy for me now (although I do get some 'what are you doing, 20 questions?' type reactions) and even if I do exhaust my list of small talk phrases, I'll at least have made an effort. When I was little I was much stiffer with things like that than I am now.
So...can you almost pass for NT now? Do you think that it's easy to learn how to mask your behaviours and traits? I was obsessed with being normal when I was little, so I watched people very carefully and really tried to learn stuff when people made fun of me or whatever.



Non_Passerine
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12 Jan 2011, 1:48 pm

I can socialize better now than I could in junior high, but I'm still socially awkward.



Malisha
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12 Jan 2011, 2:34 pm

I can "pass" for normal with regularity. It's a combination of learned actions and taking advantage of people's expectations(people see what they expect to see: a normal person). It is also very exhausting.
Until learning about AS at 24, I had no idea what my problems were, so they were all most or less intact. I didn't seem normal as a child or a teen.



anbuend
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12 Jan 2011, 2:51 pm

All my autistic traits are still obvious. Don't assume everyone learns to pass better (or even breaks even) as they grow up. And the things that are better -- one, they're only better a small part of the time, and two, even at their best they don't necessarily LOOK better to other people. And the thing that has improved the most is so very autistic that few would see it as good that I'm even still doing it.


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wavefreak58
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12 Jan 2011, 3:06 pm

What do you mean by out in the open? I was not DX'd as a child. Most of my 'progress' grew of of necessity, not planning. I suck at maintaining conversation when it isn't about a specific topic that I already know something about. The more I know the better. Special interests will allow me to talk your ear off. Typical small talk? Good luck with that. If you can't sustain the conversation, it ain't gonna happen.


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Salonfilosoof
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12 Jan 2011, 3:09 pm

I've gotten to a point where most psychologists and psychiatrists have trouble recognising my symptoms, but they're still obvious to those who know me very well personally. Especially in a professional environment and in a relationship, it's still difficult at times to act as is expected but in many other areas of my daily life people don't regard me as nearly as excentric as they used to.



Arminius
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12 Jan 2011, 3:39 pm

I can pass. Doing it is miserable. Outside of circumstances under which I feel threatened or need to look conventional, I bother with it less and less.



Callista
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12 Jan 2011, 3:46 pm

As a kid, I was pretty much oblivious to other people. Nowadays, I'm ... pretty much oblivious to other people. But I can interact with them passably if I want to. :)


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Cornflake
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12 Jan 2011, 3:48 pm

I had no idea as a child. No-one did back then. This is all a recent revelation for me.
And since much of 'how far I've come' has only happened by mechanically learning certain ways of behaving through rote and study, with little or no understanding, it's far from predictable even now. (ie: risky and backfires often)
But that's not really progress.

So to those with the eyes to see it, I can sometimes wear a poorly-fitting mask and to those who don't - well, I guess I'll always be "that weird guy over there".
And that's Ok.


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MidlifeAspie
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12 Jan 2011, 4:16 pm

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 34. The progress I have made since high school is that I have become highly educated, developed a great career, married a wonderful and understanding woman and am raising a family, all of which would have been impossible for the 17 year old version of myself. I have also lost every friend I ever had with no replacements on the horizon and become estranged from my entire family, something else that would have never happened to the teenager me.



monsterland
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12 Jan 2011, 4:36 pm

Not nearly far enough.



Mindslave
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12 Jan 2011, 4:44 pm

I can "pass", but I prefer not to, because it's much more fun to be cheerful and make people laugh. I'm not sure many people would suspect Aspergers though, but I don't always need to blend in. I used to hate social interaction, now I see the merits of it. It helps to maintain a level of happiness and stability. I've tried the hermit approach, and things always go bad after a while.



League_Girl
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12 Jan 2011, 5:08 pm

I don't talk about my obsessions anymore and they aren't as strong as they used to be. I have theory of mind now, my social skills are better, I am flexible now and can deal with change. I've learned to tell jokes and use sarcasm and understand it (I still miss it at times).

I can pass for normal. People who know me well can still see it but strangers won't know. They might think of something else. Same as people who don't know me well. Even doctors can still see them and even my OB doctor asked me if I think I will do fine as a parent because my communication is different.


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CockneyRebel
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12 Jan 2011, 8:08 pm

This is an interesting question. I wouldn't say that this is good or bad, because these things just are. I was on that black and green Apple IIc computer that my dad would bring home durring school breaks for hours a day when I was 9. I'm on the Internet for hours a day now, at the age of 36.

I was glued to the TV, watching the Summer Olympics at the age of 9. I watch the Olympics summer and winter every waking hour, now at the age of 36.

I was just learning about an interesting rock band who sings about London an England at the age of 9. I listen to The Kinks durring my hours on the Internet today, at the age of 36.

Improvements: My special interests stay within the borders of WP, 80% of the time. I talk to my friends and coworkers about my special interests only 20% of the time and not at all to my parents.

Setbacks: I was dignosed with Depression in 1998, at the age of 23. I had perfect control of my bowels at the age of 9. I now have to wear disopsable underpants and I make light of it with that silly Kinks instrumental from time to time, here on WP. I only save it for theads about underwear, now.


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aghogday
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13 Jan 2011, 1:27 am

My first memory at age three feeling like I had been here forever and feeling connected to every living thing.

First day at middle school, excited smiling. Hey kid what are you smiling about you, !@@! !. After this feeling like I was connected to my mother, sister, the TV and my dog and that was about it for three years.

Somehow overcoming adversity with optimism and being tolerated, well liked, and considered very strange in high school.

Horribly disconnected in college and questioning my existence.

Somehow finding the optimism not to give up and deciding I was okay at age 22.

Graduating with three degrees and having no idea what to do next.

Working at a Bowling Center for 18 years being acquainted with thousands of people. Feeling accepted and laughed at, but enjoying whatever I was.

Finding a wife who would put up with an Island of a person for 21 years.

Leaving the safe place and being forced up the career ladder to places I didn't belong: Manager, Community Activities Director, Athletic Director. Moving to a place further within myself that I couldn't escape. Becoming more isolated from those I loved. Feeling like I had no feelings. Still receiving love from my family that I became unable to return. Losing the coping mechanisms and special interests that kept me grounded to the earth. Losing the complicated mechanisms required to fit in with everybody anywhere.

Finally understanding who I was and why I was and being amazed I did any of it. Trying to find a way back to safe. Realizing how lucky I was and still am no matter how horrible I feel.

A stabbing pain in my right eye for three years that no one can fix. Losing more of my executive function; finding out that much of my strength was an illusion and that my wife is the strongest person I ever met. Holding on to one more day.

Only regretting that I did not show as much love to those that truly loved me.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Jan 2011, 1:29 am

My life's journey has been intercontinental, symbolically speaking. I am a globe trotter. Perhaps I have enough mileage to qualify as having been to Mars and back.

You could say I have been a very, very long way.