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Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 11:44 am

I have some body image issues esspecially my height is a concern for me becuase i am only 5ft10. my younger brother who is 18 and taller than me is 6ft and today he walked in through the door and started annoying when i was sitting in the computer poking me and calling me a hobo becuase i am unemployed and have got a beard at the moment. he then bite me on the cheek which really annoyed me and i lashed out at him and shouted and sweared at him.

we then got into an argument and he said "I am stronger then you so do not bother trying to initimdate me" he also went on to say "Get over it you will not grow any taller". he then said one thing which really got to me "If you don't like your height and who you are then seriously go kill yourself, what is the point on living on"

That really hurt me because i cherish life. Any advice because i feel awful after the argument. My dad also told me to kill myself a month ago.



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03 Jan 2011, 12:15 pm

Why do you feel your height is that important? Is it just because everyone tells you think you ought to be taller? Isn't there things that are more important in life like the ability to cope with problems or to grow flowers or to learn a bunch of foreign languages or whatever it is you think you are good in? 5ft10 doesn't sound that short to me either, I wouldn't expect you to have problems to get stuff out of the upper shelves at the local supermarket, for example.

If you can't find work and have the feeling you need something useful to do, how about charity? Help the lady next door with her garden, look after kids from your neighbourhood, do whatever gives you a sense of doing something and keeps your family from telling you you're useless. You might even earn a few tips that way.
Building up your self esteem might also be helpful. Doing things is a great way to do this. It needn't be big or useful things, just something you can point to and say "I'm the one who has done this!" Grab a few boards and some nails and build a bird house if you can't think of anything else. The birdies will love you for it! ;-)


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hello07
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03 Jan 2011, 12:29 pm

Seriously, I find it exagerated to do such a thing for two inches and a job less than your bro... If you're happy in who you are, don't let the others always make you want more about yourself. You are who you are, and nobody have the right to make you sad about it! :wink:



wavefreak58
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03 Jan 2011, 12:39 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I have some body image issues esspecially my height is a concern for me becuase i am only 5ft10. my younger brother who is 18 and taller than me is 6ft and today he walked in through the door and started annoying when i was sitting in the computer poking me and calling me a hobo becuase i am unemployed and have got a beard at the moment. he then bite me on the cheek which really annoyed me and i lashed out at him and shouted and sweared at him.

we then got into an argument and he said "I am stronger then you so do not bother trying to initimdate me" he also went on to say "Get over it you will not grow any taller". he then said one thing which really got to me "If you don't like your height and who you are then seriously go kill yourself, what is the point on living on"

That really hurt me because i cherish life. Any advice because i feel awful after the argument. My dad also told me to kill myself a month ago.


I thought you were 5'11" (based on previous posts).

What's with all the physical aggression in your family, anyway?

I know a 5'0" women that could probably kick your brothers ass. It would happen so fast he wouldn't know wtf had happened.


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Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 12:45 pm

i thought i was 5'11 but my brother said i was 5'10. If i was 6'5 my brother would not be bullying me.

my brother does have a point though my height is something that i am finding very hard to come to terms with. maybe its just some teenage problems that i might grow out of eventually?



wavefreak58
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03 Jan 2011, 12:49 pm

Jamesy wrote:
i thought i was 5'11 but my brother said i was 5'10.


What? Your brother is a cyborg with a laser measuring device in his eyes? What is on your driver's license? What makes HIM the arbiter of your height?

Here is something to think about. Other people can bug you only as much as what power you give them to do so. You cannot control their behavior. But you can do a great deal to control your reactions to their behavior.


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bee33
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03 Jan 2011, 12:50 pm

If the people in your life are not supportive, you need to be your own best supporter. Treat yourself like you would want to be treated, or how you would treat any other person you care about. Stop bashing yourself and thinking negative things about yourself, and telling yourself that you aren't a good person.

I know this may sound hokey, but you really need to learn to be good to yourself, especially if the people around you are giving you negative feedback.

And btw, 5'10" is not short.



Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 1:37 pm

Yeah Wavefreak i also stood next to my brother in the mirror and we measured ourselves up. Honestly there looked not as much 2.5 inches between us but he just said "Yeah 2 1/2 inches" i think he is just doing his best to put me down about myself.

He did lash out at me and say "Your selfish and you only care about yourself" which is true i must admit :(



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03 Jan 2011, 1:45 pm

1) Do you help people sometimes?
2) Do you care about what's happening in the life of someone?

If you answered yes you're not as selfish as you believe you are... :)



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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03 Jan 2011, 2:04 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I have some body image issues esspecially my height is a concern for me becuase i am only 5ft10. my younger brother who is 18 and taller than me is 6ft and today he walked in through the door and started annoying when i was sitting in the computer poking me and calling me a hobo becuase i am unemployed and have got a beard at the moment. he then bite me on the cheek which really annoyed me and i lashed out at him and shouted and sweared at him.

we then got into an argument and he said "I am stronger then you so do not bother trying to initimdate me" he also went on to say "Get over it you will not grow any taller". he then said one thing which really got to me "If you don't like your height and who you are then seriously go kill yourself, what is the point on living on"

That really hurt me because i cherish life. Any advice because i feel awful after the argument. My dad also told me to kill myself a month ago.

This looks like escalation. Things escalated between you and your brother to the point hurtful words were said. One thing I would do is try not to let arguments escalate in the future by leaving before they do. Just get away from your brother or your dad and return after they have cooled off.
If they don't and keep at it, try to find a trusted person to talk with and hear what they suggest.



Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 3:07 pm

Sometimes I do help people. At least I think I do?



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03 Jan 2011, 3:13 pm

Even if you only try to help and don't actually achieve what you were aiming for, that counts. The thought is important. Just keep trying and at least some of what you do will help somebody. :)


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Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 3:17 pm

The problem is I am feeling depressed and unhappy at the moment and i am a burden on everyone else becasue of it.



wavefreak58
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03 Jan 2011, 3:20 pm

Jamesy wrote:
The problem is I am feeling depressed and unhappy at the moment and i am a burden on everyone else becasue of it.


You aren't a burden on me.

I'm part of everyone else.

I think I must have already said something about thinking in absolutes.

Stop doing it. It will help.


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FluffyDog
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03 Jan 2011, 3:24 pm

Jamesy, you are human. Thus you cannot be perfect. It will help you to find some peace of soul to accept that fact.

At th same time, I think it is important to try to be as perfect as you can. Try to help people. Try to find a job. Try to find a way to get along with your brother. If you succeed, that's great and will make your life easier. But if you don't succeed, that does not mean that you are worthless. It just means that you are not perfect. Just like the rest of us. :)


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Jamesy
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03 Jan 2011, 3:44 pm

3 years ago i was not so depressed and my friends enjoyed my company. but i don't think its just me that has changed its them as well.

i find that exercising and going to the gym helps me feel better mentally its just that i ran out of money for it nearly 1 year ago :(