I wish i understood it all much earlier

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I found out about my autistic traits 3 years ago, when i was 26, however i didn't understand it all so well, where there is any problem. Now, i found out that my main problem is that i am emotionally underdeveloped, i am now 29.

Usually people at my age already had some girlfriends, and start marrying. I never had a girlfriend, and just learned about how important eye contact is. A thing others learn at the age of 2.

I also seem to figure out that playing a role, might not only be a bad thing, maybe it helps understanding each others. This always seemed strange to me. Probably others learn playing a role, acting as someone else at the age of.... maybe 5.

So i am emotionally alot ret*d, at least it seems so to me, and i missed alot of things in my life. I wished so much that i found out all this at least 10 years ago.

thanks for reading,
Anton

If I knew then what I know now...That's what everyone says. I know, I know, it's different in this case. It's really not if you think about it.

Isn't the main point that you know now and can finally work on yourself? Sure, you might have started to work on yourself earlier if you had found out about AS earlier, but instead of whining about the years lost, should you not better put that energy into figuring out how to make up for your deficits and how to make the most of your strenghts?

At first they said I had ADHD they put me in special education classes so I figured I would never be able to handle college level classes so I did not even try to study. I graduated with an 85% all quaters grade average. My psychologist who did my testing said he saw no signs of learning disability so I pretty much bit myself in the ass on that one. If they diagnosed for Aspergers in the 70's I might not have been dumped in special education where they pretty much warehoused me with a bunch of dopes.

Dopes? Ugh, that's nice. God you people complain people call you names and just look at what you're doing.

Well, because of my ADHD and maybe my autism I was a slow learner. I was put in special classes but I was still too distracted to do any better. Then my poor memory kicked in and I just forgot.

I don't know if I was diagnosed if things would have been much easier. Maybe my family wouldn't have treated me like I was an idiot. Now they treat me like I have no problems.
Maybe I wouldn't have dated and gone through a confusing relationship and an agonizing break up. Then I wouldn't have severe social anxiety. Then I wouldn't be diagnosed with AS. Then I wouldn't have gone on anti-depressants that gave me side effects. Then I wouldn't have to go on stimulant medication which gave me severe side effects. Then I wouldn't have epilepsy. Or maybe if I was diagnosed back then people would have given more of a s*** that I actually do have epilepsy.

But I'll never know so why dwell on it?

Well you don't really know if knowing about AS earlier would have made your life any different. So I'd say there's no point worrying about what could have been, and focus on what could be.

I wish that I would have known, at the age of 10. I would have managed my obsessions a lot better, between the ages 10 and 14.

They made fun of me more than the NT kids did just because they were in special education it does not mean they did not have the social skills to see I was different. They were even worse about it because they knew me from first grade to tenth grade so they pretty much knew what to say to make me have a melt down and I was stuck pretty much in the same class with them everyday. They were also mad at me for always being right all the time and not wanting to be in those classes. If someone calls me names or torments me then I feel that I have the right to refer to them as dopes or anyother insult I may choose to drop on them.

Almost every time I learn something essential, Im close to embarrassed because I didnt know it before

Next time is approaching....

Why not just be happy that you have the knowledge at all? Go out and test it