Reasons why you refused treatment!@!

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I refused to take anything before when people said maybe it would help me, because I thought it would impair my ability to figure out my problems that were making me depressed in the first place, and I also thought it would compromise my survival instinct. Also, since I wasn't doing much, I thought it was insulting for people to say I may need something to function instead of just being able to do it myself without being told what to do, or being medicated into just being normal.

(Now I need an antidepressant and I take it. I knew I needed something, I was understimmed, and by then I understood that it would help my understimulation by stimulating me.)

But if there were. I understand your question... for me I suppose that Autism has become so intertwined and a function of my personality for so long (namely all my life), if say a miracle were to happen, a neurologist were to pull the right nerve or I did some Chinese accupuncture and she or he poked the right stiumulae point, or God would take pity on me grant me my wish of having an Aspie free NT day. I would be extremly disoriented. For starters I wouldn't have my internal "satanic" voice in my head (aka my "here myself think" voice, telling me the step by step instructions.

I wouldn't have my quirks such as tapping my head to stimulate careful paranoid thought, to make certain that is a decision I want to do. I wouldn't have my super charged mind that can really really focus on strange obsessions and be as boring and one dimensional as a NT, giving and not taking, not creating, but consuming productivity. Sure I'd be rich with a porche a stereotypical trophy wife, in suburbia with trophy kids. But they would be lifeless. Sure my thoughts are dreamy and abstract, but it has magicical thinking, and the craziness/stupdity/courage to try and carry them out, and the ability to be so anal enough that it does succeed (sometimes), aka Animal instinct).

Without Aspergers, I'd feel more pain in this world..... But mostly I'd not be able to function without my crazy voice in my head, my higher conscience my intate intellgence.

the Aspie mind is like a very expensive "Penis" car (a term I heard that describes old men, who spend money getting expensive and impressive luxuries, ie coins, cars, rare luxuries for their homes), because Viagra makes their chests feel very very funny), you can drive your Bentely, Porche, Benze (the reallly crazy mercedes), or flash your bling watches and I live near Macao. I've seen lots of Blingage. Aspie minds are like that, a Bentley, you don't want to really drive this thing around and have riff raff dent it. I have a medal it's made of soft gold paint, I feel heart broken that I only wore it like 3 times, and now there are some pin prick dents and bound to be some more, as it flops around in my. Aspergers is like that!

My aunt has had severe depression and had a lot of social skills therapy when she was a few years older than I am now, about 20ish. She told me she didn't think she'd ever be depressed again but the other day my dad told me that a while ago she'd stopped taking her pills and had quickly spiralled down, feeling suicidal etc. She's not autistic. She's not in a position to choose whether she can take the meds or not.

Because I'd rather be dead than be in dependance of peoples services and medicine.

Because I'm not damaged goods. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.