Hi,
I am new to this site, and I found it searching the web. I am 18 years old, and when I was a little kid, I was diagnosed with Autism. I am not sure if I am severely Autisic, lower on the spectrum, or somewhere inbetween; I have visited a few clinics, and they say I may have Asperger Syndrome. I have always had friends all my life, but i've always been a bit shy and nervous around them. I avoid eye contact because I am nervous talking to them, and I never quite know what to say, and I fear saying the wrong thing when I speak to others, so I am usually very quiet and keep to myself. Other times I find myself lost in thought or staring away in the middle of a conversation, sometimes I even end up daydreaming. I enjoy being alone, and having time to myself more often than socializing, but I do like being around others, to an extent. I feel compassion and empathy for other people, to the point where I feel sad, angry or frustrated when the other person is angry or sad. I am easily manipulated and will believe almost anything, I do have trouble choosing friends and I have hung out with the wrong crowds.
I enjoy learning, and I find myself totally engrossed in certain subjects and topics that I am into. I am told I am very intellegent and mature for my age. I think logically, cancelling out answers in my brain until the best one is chosen.
I am a "workaholic" and I become obessed with completing jobs and tasks on time. I feel I must do a perfect job... just because I have to. I clean rooms right down to the nitty-gritty, like making beds for example; the sheets and blankets must be lined up and straight to the inch, and can't have any wrinkles or anything. When I work like this, I get this feeling like there is a weight on my back and shoulders, I get dizzy, and I have to breathe harder. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just to work on projects because I simply can't get my mind off them. If I do not scour out my cup or plate spotless, I consider it dirty, I am highly germophoic.
When I get excited, I start doing movements without realizing it, flapping my hands, rocking back and forth in my seat, hitting my head when I lay in bed. I have controlled this around others, but I still do it in private. I do this when I think about past events that I enjoyed, or found funny, or my friends.
When I am bored, or sometimes just anytime, I litterally space out, daydream, whatever. My attention goes to staring at the wall, or out the window. It happens in conversations, class, work, etc. I'm usually lost in thought when It happens... I sometimes laugh about, quote sentences, or sing whatever I'm thinking when this happens, it's gotten me in trouble a few times.
I also get very nervous when I am speaking in front of a crowd, enter a building I've never been inside of before, climbing stairs or being off the 1st floor of somewhere. I get scared to the point where I freeze up and can't move a muscle, I speak nonsense and jibberish, and have on one more than one occasion, had a nervous breakdown or panic attack. I am very sensitive to light and sound, I squnit and cover my eyes at car headlights, lightbulbs, those sorts of things. When I hear a high pitched sound, scream, loud noise, and so on.. It literally rattles my ear drums and head, kind of like fingernails on a chalkboard. I am easily scared, if someone sneaks up on me, I jump out of my seat, If I hear a weird sound, it startles me, even If I see something and don't suspect it, Im creeped out a bit...
I am easily frustrated, annoyed and I have a really bad temper. It can be anything, if I get interrupted in the middle of working, or it just comes out of nowhere, I snap... I don't really like to talk about it, but i can get pretty mean and violent... I'm a nice person, but, I can't control my anger. Everything must be in order, and I am not too fond of change.
Do I have autism, Asperger's, something else? I know some of the symptoms inculde what I mentioned... But i gotta know! lol
Thanks.
13 Jan 2011, 11:21 am
