not sure

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I am not sure if I have autism. I am an adult and my childhood was not very good. I ha an alcoholic but affectionate father and very strict non affectionate mother. I was a very shy child who would not speak to anyone outside the home. I had one or two friends at school but because I was shy I was bullied. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I remained with my dad as he was the one I got on best with. My teenage years were ok but I was a slow learner at school. I was in the main stream classes but never really liked learning so did not do well at school. I got an office job after going to college and my social skills improved. I never got promoted at work and was seen to be one of the less able ones but was always employed. As I have got older I have found that although I have friends and like mixing and meeting people, I never like to be too close to people physically. I cannot stand sitting next to someone on the bus or train and get very frustrated when things go wrong and have a phobia of people walking too close to me. I live on my own and prefer to live on my own. I am fine with people I know but strangers are the problem. If I am on a train and someone comes and sits next to me or opposite me I have to get up and move to a seat where there is nobody beside or opposite me. When I am anxious I bite my tongue which I have been doing since I was 13 years of age. I do not think my behaviour is normal but I can seem normal in certain situations and people with Aspergers or other types of autism would be abnormal in whatever situation they were in regardless and never mix with anyone which is not like me. Any ideas?

Have you tried taking any autism/asperger tests? They are not diagnostics, of course, but they might give you some idea of whether you have traits associated with autism spectrum disorders. One of them, which is in fact sometimes used as a screening test, is the Autism Quotient (AQ) test. It was devised by Simon Baron-Cohen and his collaborators, at the Autism Research Centre in Cambridge. It can be found at

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autis ... m-quotient

no and I do not like those online tests so I am not doing another. They are too general and not accurate.

If by "not accurate" you mean that the AQ test does not give a definitive answer, then of course. It was not designed for that, and it doesn't claim to be "accurate" in that sense. It can, however, be a useful tool in the armory, and is sometimes employed as such by professionals when they carry out assessments for ASD. In any case, no testing or assessment for autism can claim 100% accuracy.

It, and many other resources that can be accessed via the internet, can provide helpful indicators. I found it quite useful to read some of the research papers that can be found, such as the paper where Baron-Cohen and collaborators first proposed the AQ test, and also some of the subsequent research by others who cited that paper.

While no one here can give you a definitive answer, none of your difficulties strike me as particularly autistic. They seem more anxiety-related than anything else. If you want to address them properly, I'd suggest arranging an appointment with a doctor. Many people (myself included) make the mistake of going to a therapist for a diagnosis, but you should really see someone with a PhD, as they are best equipped to accurately assess your condition.