Should I stop/reduce stimming?

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Hello,

I'm a middle-aged, undiagnosed male Aspie (with a NT wife and AS and HFA offspring) trying to break out of his shell and become a little more social. I generally stim all the time, but it becomes much worse in social situations because they are anxiety-producing and I can't handle the large amount of social cues and other social information flying past me. When I'm around family, I don't look at them when I talk to them because it makes me feel more relaxed, so I don't stim as much in that situation. But if I'm at a party, etc. I don't have that option. My stimming when I'm in private includes:

1) continually tapping my thumb and index fingers together, 2) clacking my teeth together rhythmically, 3) pursing my lips repeatedly, 4) rubbing my feet together, 5) rocking in my chair with my eyes closed, etc. I used to hum the same tunes over and over again but I don't do that anymore for some reason. When I stop doing one thing, because I'm aware of it, I start another without thinking.

When I'm in an intense social situation, like a party, I try to stim as little as possible, but I usually find that I have a sore left thumb afterwards from continually inserting my thumbnail into my keyring in my pocket. When at meetings, I usually play with objects, such as pens, erasers, etc., and when I stop doing that I usually start scratching, stroking my beard, etc. Ugh! I look around and notice that the NTs around me don't do these things, and I realize that my behavior must look odd.

So my question is: is it advisable for Aspies such as myself to reduce stimming? In other words, are there good reasons, other than social acceptance, for trying to reduce or eliminate stimming? Are there methods for doing so? It sounds so stupid but there is nothing better than closing my eyes and swiveling my chair back and forth, but I feel that I shouldn't indulge it so I usually refrain. I haven't done much research on the subject so I figured that I'd ask others in the know. Thanks!

Besides the reason that you mentioned, I can't think of any other reasons to stop stimming, unless the stimming is physically harmful, not any of the ones you described.

Stimming makes me feel centered and focused and feels good, so it is probably more advisable to stim than not to stim, if you feel the need to stim.

as long as your stims aren't hurtful to yoursel fof your direct environment, social acceptance is indeed the only reason to try to supress a stim, if you ask me.
supressing stims is generally a bad idea becouse the bottled up energy has to come out in some way; usualy in an explosive meltdown, or you find different stims to replace the supressed ones (like the thumb-in-keyring you mentioned), but are probarbly worse for you then just allowing yourself to stim

If I try to reduce stimming, I feel extreme pressure building up and I can't stand that. So, I try to make it less visible...

Stimming in the manner you describe isn't really a big deal - a lot of NTs "fidget" when they're nervous by basically doing the same thing. You only need to worry if you have a strong urge to flap your hands in public or something.

It doesn't really matter as long as it's subtle. I used to flap my hands at school when I was younger, and I got some funny looks.

It's ultimately up to you. I agree with SyphonFilter and izzemee, that if it becomes unbearable and leads to meltdowns, then it's probably not a good idea.

When I was kid I'd flick my fingers in front of my eyes, but by about 6th grade I'd become self-conscious about it (no one else commented on it (I think), though, so maybe it wasn't as obvious as I thought). So, by high school, I'd redirected it into rubbing my toes against each other, so that it was hidden inside my shoes.

Nowadays I don't care, but I stim a lot less than when I was younger (health stuff -- my energy level is often quite low). My only concern is about people calling the cops because they think I'm drugs or something.

Honestly, unless it was harmful or extremely distracting, I don't know why a person would want to stop. Is there some way you can still stim but make it less apparent? Maybe that could be a happy medium.

Thanks for the replies. It makes me feel better. I didn't know if there is research or anything that might tag stimming as something that Aspies should stop doing or not.

I think I'm the first true Aspie in my bloodline, although my wife noticed that my mother rocks occasionally and wondered if it was a tiny touch of AS (although I never noticed) she is otherwise completely NT. Oh, and except for the fact that she is/was a big Tolkien fan, and I grew up having The Hobbit read to me once or twice. Don't know a lot of NT women who are denizens of Middle Earth... Maybe she's just right on the spectrum.

In some ways I appear NT because I don't speak with a monotone and I have somewhat normal facial expressions and animation when I talk. I also TRY hiding my stimming in public so at first I might appear NT. When you get to know me....

What's odd is my son is HFA (didn't speak until 3 years old) but I don't notice much stimming. He does adopt curious postures though, like standing on one leg and tilting his pelvis. Is there such a thing as "yoga" stimming?

I used to do that leg posture. I don't know if it was stimming. I was just an impatient child and needed to be doing something.

I stim the most in a public area though I do catch myself hand flapping at home and I just go with it. When I see it's reducing stress I'll keep stimming. Sometimes it gets really hard to control even if I do want to stop it. But I need to reduce stress so I just allow it to happen.