Describe what happens when you try and make eye contact

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in conversation.

I get this weird surge of anxiety in the front of my head and I have to look down. It's like I'm not able to talk fluently while making eye contact and I go into stupid mode where I can't naturally make a sentence flow together.
Actually even when just listening to someone and staring them in the eyes I get this surge of anxiety. Also I feel like I don't know what the "right" amount of eye contact is. I'll be questioning myself inside my head like, "should I look away now or keep making eye contact?" Also I get really defensive and impulsive when I try to make eye contact, almost like my brain perceives too much eye contact as a threat. Is that normal? I don't know if these problems are Aspergers related or perhaps just a result of low self esteem, dysthemia and anxiety. I know that I have no trouble reading facial expressions when I actually CAN make eye contact normally, which is rarely ever.

My head explodes.




On a more serious note, eye contact interrupts the flow of my thoughts. It is as if the eye contact itself becomes the primary thing of which I am cognizant and thinking takes a back seat. Depending on the amount of mental effort required to maintain the conversation, eye contact can be very disruptive. You can have eye contact with me or you can have conversation.

My eyes will burn and I immediately go back to where I usually keep my eyes during conversation: the shoulders.

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I get pain behind my eyes that fills my head and an uncomfortable/self-conscious (anxiety) feeling until I look away. I don't usually consciously decide to look away, it just sort of reflexively happens. I can suppress it, but I don't usually bother.

anxiety and panic.


I stop hearing what is being said to me....

The internal monologue starts up about whether or not I should keep looking into someone's eyes, or if I should look away cause I'm creeping them out, or whether I need to look at them because they now think I'm not paying attention...(which I'm not, because I'm too busy thinking about eye contact).

I also tend to feel threatened by people who try to "force" eye contact. I had a manager like that once and I always felt like I needed to just go along with whatever he was saying to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

It's like biting into a really sour lemon or licking the end of a battery.
The feeling of tiny creepy crawlies shimmering under your skin making you cringe.
Butterflies in your tummy trying to escape out through your head.
Like the cold feeling when you realise your partner has been cheating on you...

It's like all those feelings consolidating into a tight feeling across your chest and shoulders, hairs on the back of your neck standing up, it makes your body recoil from it's centre...pulling your head down in embarrassment with desperate need to hide your eyes from others. It's the opposite of how a crush makes you feel, like being invaded by the other person, or like someone touching you in way too personal a way. It only lasts a second, as long as the glance, so it's easy to recover from, but it's-just-creepy.

I can do eye contact when I'm comfortable with someone, I can almost forget about it - if I'm somewhere new then I don't find it comfortable so even with someone close to me I'll struggle. I can really not figure out how long you're supposed to maintain eye contact, I know I don't make enough eye contact as my eyes dart around everywhere to avoid looking at the other person, but when I have to look them in the eye it's impossible to figure out when to break eye contact, it also feels like my eyes get stuck to theirs and I'm desperate to break away.

It baffles me that the smallest millisecond too long is the difference between being normal and being slightly 'off', and that people make decisions about you based on first impressions, but those first impressions can be ruined by such a tiny thing as initial eye contact...a millisecond of eye contact makes so much difference. That all adds to the anxiety and makes it all the worse.

I don't have any problem with eye contact, to be honest. I mean, I don't feel anything weird or scary or nerve-wracking. I generally just stare at the person's eyes as an object. I don't see anything when looking into them but color.

I don't really feel much. I just feel a bit shy and self-conscious. It just seems like an odd and unnatural thing to do, and I forget to do it unless I remind myself.

Eye contact... it's a challenge for me.

When I meet someone for the first time or an encounter begins with conflict (fight with family, rude customer, etc.) I cannot bring myself to look that person in the eye. It's hard to describe, but it feels like I'm "overexposed" to their emotions and thoughts when my skin is already prickling because I have already figured out exactly what they're upset about and what they are going to say. In terms of autistic traits, my strength is in language and auditory ability.

If I know and/or trust someone, then I don't get the same invasive/overwhelming feeling from looking them in the eye and I can easily do it, and feel how I imagine an NT feels doing it.

Same feeling when I accidently look at the Sun. And it's like I can can read someone's mind. Sometimes I think they are thinking awful things about me, other times I feel ok. I rate them on softness and intensity. People that I know have issues in their life have intense eyes and really nice people have a softness to it. I don't always struggle to make eye contact.

I find myself forgetting to blink and also beginning to overheat. It is purely psychological, but I am utterly unable to make eye contact whilst speaking. I am able to stare, even at ones eyes, but I am unable to converse and make adequate eye contact simultaneously.

I lose my concentration and feel nervous. Sometimes, I feel sorta light headed. Not dizzy, just light headed. It's easier to make eye contact with sunglasses on. When I know they can see me making eye contact, it's harder to do it.

if someone is talking to me and our eyes are looking at each other, then it feels very intense and direct and confrontational. I look away to break the intensity. Unless it's my husband, and then I like the intensity, but with anyone else it's too much. I look at them when they aren't looking at me, and I look away when they look at me. If I try to look in their eyes when I'm talking I feel like I'm being too direct and confrontational and "in your face" so I look away to soften it, or If they look at me while I'm talking I feel like "why are they looking at me like that" and get freaked. Sometimes I think I've "read" their faces correctly, but then I find out I didn't and feel stupid. Like I"ll see something in their shoulders or hear something in their voice - stress ? anger ? frustration ? at me ? or in general ? so I'll ask someone "is something wrong?" and they'll say no, so I'll be all "ok" and think it's true. Then I find out they were really mad at me and I'll feel stupid for not knowing it. and they're mad at me for not knowing it. Some people can "read" emotions in other's eyes but I just usually get it wrong. Like I'll think some guy is "making eyes" at me and flirting - and he's not. He's actually looking at me because he thinks I'm weird. or I'll think someone is just being friendly and it turns out they think I'm flirting with them. Apparently looking down when someone looks at you is considered "coy". One time I even got accused of staring at some guy's crotch. I wasn't, I was just looking down to avoid his eyes. I didn't even realize what else was in my field of view - I was trying to pay attention to what he was saying. Maybe I should wear dark glasses more. I have hyper-sensitive eyes so it would make sense on 2 levels. Although I'd just look even weirder....