My son has autism and my wife thinks I have aspergers

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This essentially came up because she feels, and I somewhat agree, that I am emotionally apathetic to others, or I have an inability to relate to how others feel. Many times I do feel socially ackward and have a hard time communicating with strange people. I have been told that sometimes I come across like a jerk and do not look others in the eye, but I have made a conscience effort to try and remedy that, how good I am doing at it now is beyond me. I am 28 and was diagnosed with ADD, not ADHD, at the age of 12 and was put on amphetamines (I quit taking them @ 19). I also had to go to see a speech pathologist for learning disabilities, but I just figured out how to compensate for them in school. Anyway, just wanted some thoughts and ideas about this from those adults that have gone through this or can point me in the right direction because I sure could use a helpful lesson in how to better read people and communicate more effectively...sometimes I feel that this holds me back.

I wouldn't throw it past ya to be an asperger. You seem to have a pretty good grasp(from your short post that is) of language and logic, but you say so yourself that you had/have some social awkwardness(which is a key aspect to the whole spectrum). You should look into the online tests, there's one called the aspie quiz and the autistic quotient is the other one. They are a little concurrent but the aspie quiz a little more indepth, more detailed, the autistic quotient is more of a general scope, asking main questions that seem to overlap with autism in general. You can find both of them through google and I even think there might still be posts with the link to at least the aspie quiz. Either way, look into it.

This is what the aspie quiz said:

Your Aspie score: 116 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 95 of 200
You are more Aspie than neurotypical

Really do not know what this means or how to interpret this score, but it is mainly the social issues I suffer with. I wish I was a champion communicator, I wish I cared about relationships, but I just don't with the exception of a few. Most strangers will always be that to me...strangers.

Hi brweh,

(How do you pronounce that, anyway?)

You will find plenty of support for your wife's position on this web site. Let's try another approach.

In 1923 Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote a book in which he outlined his concept of personality. Jung said that although human behavior is infinitely varied and complex, there were some basic patterns that could be discerned. These patterns Jung called "psychological types." About 20 years after that, the mother-daughter team of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs-Myers developed and extended Jung's ideas. They came up with an instrument called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) that "indicates," or shows one's psychological type. You may have heard people talk about their "Myers-Briggs type," or just their "type." That's what they're talking about.

There are 16 Myers-Briggs types, but they're not divided equally among the general population. Some types are much more numerous, constituting up to 12-13% of the population, while others are found in less than 1%. No type has an absolute majority, but some dominate because of their numbers and their similarity to other types.

In 1944, twenty-one years after Jung's book, Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger wrote a paper describing the behaviors of six children he had worked with extensively. Because Asperger's paper was written in German during the war years, it wasn't widely circulated in the English-speaking world. That changed in 1991 when English psychologist Uta Frith translated and published Asperger's paper. Three years later “Asperger’s Disorder” was added to the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), the main diagnostic reference for mental health professionals in the United States.

Both Jung and Asperger talk about the typical behaviors of mind and body that are associated with their respective views of personality. Jung's behaviors are referred to as "characteristics," while Asperger's are called "traits." There is a vast difference between traits and characteristics. One of the most important is that Asperger's traits are typically expressed negatively, in terms of deficits, faults and inability. On the other hand, Jung's are expressed in positive terms such as ability, aptitude or skill.

Now let's look at some of the traits of Asperger's Syndrome which your wife feels you display, and with which you "somewhat agree." (Does that mean you "somewhat disagree" too?) I will reinterpret them in each case along the lines of Jung's positive view of the psyche.

You say that you are "emotionally apathetic," and have an "inability to relate to how others feel." Does that mean you are "objective," and can distance yourself from your own emotions as well as the emotions of others so as not to let them interfere with clear thinking?

You say you feel "socially awkward" and have a "hard time communicating with others." Do you prefer your own company to the often boring and trivial companionship of those others? Maybe *they* have a hard time communicating with *you* because they don't understand and fail to appreciate your cogent and precise communications.

You have been told that sometimes you come across like a jerk. I'm reminded of that old aphorism that says that anytime you point a finger at somebody there are three fingers pointing back at you. My guess is that in your area of expertise you are anything but a jerk.

You don't look others in the eye? So what? You're listening, aren't you? You're processing, aren't you? And if you don't respond instantly with some trite or superficial comment, is it your fault that most people are too impatient to wait for the good stuff?

There are a couple of really positive comments in your post too. I want to just touch on them.

First, you say that you've made a conscious effort to remedy some of your (wife-perceived) deficits. Great! We can all do better. But let's focus on your strengths first, and then work on the (wife-perceived) deficits later.

Next you say you figured out how to compensate for your learning disabilities in school. Super! Your style may not be everybody's style, but again you're working on it, and, I assume, getting results.

Last, the most positive and important thing in your post is the fact that you got off the amphetamines nine years ago. There is nothing more destructive than telling somebody they're "defective," or "deficient," and then putting them on drugs to keep them that way. But you got out of that trap. Good for you.

So do you have Asperger's Syndrome, or are you a fairly normal Jungian type going about his business in what is for you the usual way? Frankly, I can't tell you. Type, unlike Asperger's, is not a diagnosis. It's not determined and handed down by an expert. Type is self-recognition. It's holding a mirror up to the mind and the soul, and, if you recognize yourself, you validate your own way of being. And if you don't, then you don't. Nobody is going to impose a type on you that you don't want.

My suggestion would be that you go get an MBTI and find out your type. You may be pleasantly surprised, and your wife might even come to see some of your "deficits" as strengths. There is this word of warning: the MBTI isn't available on the Internet. Despite the claims of some web sites to have material "based on Jung's concepts," or "derived from the Myers-Briggs test" (it isn't a test either), nobody is allowed to put it out there because it's a controlled instrument. You have to be trained and authorized to administer it. The best way to find people who have had the training and who are authorized to administer the MBTI is to contact the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (see below).

If you want to talk more about this, send me a Private Message, and I'll bend your ear all day.

Cheers,

geezer



Bibliography

Asperger, H. (1944/1991). Autistic psychopathy in childhood (U. Frith, Trans.). In U. Frith (Ed.), Autism and Asperger syndrome (pp. 37-92). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

Center for Applications of Psychological Type <http://www.capt.org/>

Frith, U., Editor (1991). Autism and Asperger syndrome. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

Jung, C., (1923). Psychological Types, New York: Harcourt Brace.

Keirsey, D. W., & Bates, M. (1978/1984). Please understand me. Del Mar, CA: Prometheus Nemesis Book Company.

Lawrence, G. (1993). People types & tiger stripes. Gainesville, FL: Center for Applications of Psychological Type.

Myers, I. B., & Myers, P. B. (1980). Gifts differing. Palo Alto, CA: Consulting Psychologists Press, Inc.

Pearman, R. R., & Albritton, S. C. (1997). I’m not crazy I’m just not you: The real meaning of the 16 personality types. Palo Alto, CA: Davies-Black Publishing.