How NT's view lying

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Thought this was interesting. Aspies may not be the only ones oblivious to "all" of the lies.

http://www1.redding.com/redd/nw_nationa ... 64,00.html

We're not oblivious to all the lies. We just have trouble doing it. Most of us are so worried about social conventions and desperately trying so hard to fit in that we feel that a lie may jeopardize our chances. We don't typically understand social conventions well, so even a white lie is sometimes hard for us to accomplish. But oblivious? I think we know that lies exist and that we sometimes know when people do tell a lie. But some of us may tend to misinterpret some situations as lying when it's merely difference of opinion. It's hard for us to make sense of a chaotic world. Lying just adds to the chaos, and we have to weed through all of the stuff to find the truth.

But, I'll tell you though, with what I have read on some parents' forums for children and teens with AS, we aspies may be in for a shock come the next generation or two. There are some parents complaining about their AS children not only lying straight to their face, but also stealing.

- Ray M -

We're not oblivious to all the lies. We just have trouble doing it. Most of us are so worried about social conventions and desperately trying so hard to fit in that we feel that a lie may jeopardize our chances. We don't typically understand social conventions well, so even a white lie is sometimes hard for us to accomplish. But oblivious? I think we know that lies exist and that we sometimes know when people do tell a lie. But some of us may tend to misinterpret some situations as lying when it's merely difference of opinion. It's hard for us to make sense of a chaotic world. Lying just adds to the chaos, and we have to weed through all of the stuff to find the truth.

But, I'll tell you though, with what I have read on some parents' forums for children and teens with AS, we aspies may be in for a shock come the next generation or two. There are some parents complaining about their AS children not only lying straight to their face, but also stealing.

- Ray M -

I was about 9 the first time I observed lying. I noticed inconsistencies in a story my best friend told a couple of times. When I question him about it, he completely denied it.

After getting over the shock that my friend would lie to me, I saw that there was value in being "dishonest". I learned that story telling isn't about getting the facts straight. Instead, it's about keeping the listener entertained. It also occured to me that no harm was being done. So, to me, it was "What's the point of worrying about it?". I just accepted it, and started learning how to do it myself.

As I got older, I learned of other things people lie about. I just accepted it, cuz it didn't matter unlesss I really needed to call thier bluff. And I would recipricate it also, cause I valued the companionship over always being right.

I'm usually supprised every time I come across a new lie. I assume honesty, then find out that it's not required, and even unfriendly. I sometimes wish I would of been explicitly told when, where, and how. But that would probably ruin the fun. Because, for 99.9% of the time, it doesn't matter if your ignorant or in on it.

I think telling lies are morally wrong, I feel very strongly about it.

But if people tell me lies I can, now, tell them lies without feeling bad about it.

I keep reading that Aspies can't lie, and I am not talking about "white lies" to spare someone's feelings. I am beginning to believe that this is not entirely correct, that AS individuals are just that, individuals - and everyone is different, even in this respect.

I will concede AS folk have difficulty with duplicity, an entirely different matter.

Believing that someone has the fit all of the stereotypes to a T to qualify for a label is ignorant.
And in that regard, it's stupid to apply stereotypes to one's self to make a label more applicable.

It's like saying someone's stupid because they are blonde. In reality, they grew up not being curious about the world they live in.

Aspies are just underdeveloped (the extend depends on the person) in there lying abilities.

When I read the topic I thought it would be about how NTs feel about lies, not whether or not we can lie to them.

Anyway, I always thought that NTs had a rather subjective opinion about lies: each seems to think it's OK if *they* are telling the lie, but get quite upset when someone else lies to them.

I can tell lies. I'm just not very convincing and feel very guilty about doing it. I prefer to either tell the truth or avoid answering.

Same here. If I can see an alternative to lying, I'll take it.

I almost never lie and feel inordinately, intuitively that it is preposterous/I'd be detected, or it is somehow wrong.

I certainly detect enough lies in others though. My intuition's pretty sharp that way, perhaps I'm not that kind of sufferer. I always feel like I *perceive* others almost like others perceive others...to the extent if I meet someone who does something I'll do, I'll think "that's how it looks!" (usually awful and negative)

I can lie, but I don't like it. I prefer to avoid it. I also dislike the 'bond' you get when you lie along with others. I absolutely try to avoid that cooperative lying.

I'm also surprised to find out someone is lying and indeed it would be useful to have a protocol about when to lie or not.

I can also detect lying in others. And when I notice someone is cheating on something, I can't let go. It almost hurts me when someone continues to cheat in the presence of others who don't know or don't seem to know that someone is cheating. I have noticed that sometimes people know about teh cheating, but they don't mind. I can hardly deal with that too.

I usually try to avoid the cheaters. When I can't it can give me a hard time. I usually withdraw then.

I can lie through my teeth and keep a straight face. I hate doing it though. Being honest shows more respect for people, in my opinion. (I wrote something on this topic.... *goes and finds it to copy and paste*)
"When a friend asks a question, and we know that the answer will hurt them, most of us will lie, or at the very least, distort the truth to avoid hurting their feelings. Are we not insulting our friends by doing this? Are we not saying, in essence "You can't handle the truth!".
Would it not be better to tell the truth and risk hurting them, thereby paying them a great compliment: "I know that what I say will hurt you, but I admire your inner strength and believe you can deal with the pain of what I am about to tell you"? Is it not better to compliment a friend's strength than to (albeit indirectly) insult their weakness?
When we lie, we cannot guarantee that we will be able to maintain the illusion forever. Anyone who has lived knows the pain that arises from the realization that one has been lied to; that one's beliefs about the universe do not fit with the actuality of the universe. Complete honesty, although it may hurt deeply at the time, will harm one less deeply and cause less lasting damage than discovering a lie and having one's illusions shattered. While the truth may be hideous, it becomes more hideous if we had previously believed in a beautiful, shining lie.
That being said, there is value in learning to use tact. We do not wish to kill our friends with our admiration."

About lying to your significant other and saying that you're too busy to go out... why? If they care about you, they should respect the fact that sometimes you will be too tired or stressed or just not in the mood to go out.

the only people i lie to is my parents.
ive found that if i lie i stay out of trouble, if i tell the truth i get into trouble if i lie then they find out the truth the trouble is no worse than after ive told them the truth in the 1st place
so to me its worth it to try and lie asnd get away with it than get in trouble

but i wouldent lie about anything serious... only little things, and im good at lying and holding my face the same as i do if im telling the truth so ppl find it hard not to belive me, becase i learnt off a body language expert about lying because i saw him on the television.

I'm awesome at lying. It's got a lot to do with keeping all emotion out of your face and voice.

Bad sources, perhaps?
I will lie to my parents and family; when asked how my day was I will usually reply fine, even if it wasn't.
I usually don't like to lie.

Same here. When I was younger, I was also very, very manipulative when I wanted something, although I didn't generally lie over it--I was an expert at tailoring the truth to suit me. I am a very bad liar; if I try to lie about something big, I get nervous, and when I get nervous, I start smiling, and then everything goes lopsided.

On the other hand, I believe 'white' lies are usually stupid. I don't lie about people's looks, and I don't lie about having prior commitments when I don't want to go to a social event.