"Is this an Asperger's trait?" Not what you think.

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I've noticed that people, in finding AS or any other diagnosis after years of being the only person among many different people who acts as they do, well... There's a phase of examining every little idiosyncracy, every unusual trait, every thing of any size that every gave you trouble or drew attention or caused someone around you to accuse you of just being difficult when you honestly weren't...

So that's my thread. Things that you can't honestly say are AS traits, but like other aspects of AS, have brought you either criticism or discomfort, generally made you feel singled out or alone... the sort of thing that you can't complain about because when you try, people act like you're just spoiling "it" for everyone, whatever it is, just being a whiner, what a horrible, negative person you are for finding fault with everything... you know. I'm sure others have run into this.

So I'll begin, since I have two that stand out in my mind just now...

It drives me crazy when I pull up to Jack in the Box (my daughter's favorite) and the person taking my order says, "Welcome to Jack in the Box. How are you?" Not "May I take your order?" No, they ask how you are. I feel like it leaves me nowhere to go. I know the idea is to be more friendly to customers. But it's a drive-through. How friendly was it supposed to be? I've never gotten the knack of people asking how you are when they really don't want anyone to tell them, and then blaming me for not knowing how to answer, even away from a drive-through. Even when they ask if I want to try a particular item on the menu as an opener, it gives me less confusion than, "How are you?" It seems rude for me to just order, and silly to say "fine" to someone you don't know and can't see and who doesn't actually care. And most people will tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm not. I don't go there often, but when I do go there, it bothers me.

Another thing is having someone outside my immediate family (which is my husband and kids) give me a bodywash set. Y'know, one of those scented jobs with a matching lotion or powder and a bath puff from the frou-frou shops... To me, that's rather personal. I mean, that stuff will be very close to me indeed. The last thing I want to think about while rubbing soap all over my body is the nice lady from church or my mother-in-law. I'm also rather particular about what scents I can tolerate. Most perfumes are fairly sickening. I've had people puzzled by this view but I've gotten these sets before and it always creeps me out, and I can't bring myself to use them. Actually, one set in a Japanese Cherry Blossom scent from a mall body shop smelled like cough syrup so that had no appeal anyway...

Alright, what honest annoyances and the like have gotten you treated like a complaining, ungrateful troublemaker, barraged with phrases like "She was just trying to be nice!" which automatically means you're a horrible person for being upset?

Those two seem fine to me.

I hate 'how are you?' when it's used anytime. I just don't know what to say. I think 'I'm great, thanks for asking' is far too fake.

The second one is what I take as 'oh what do I get this woman? well it's either a gift certificate or nice smelling soaps.' To me that a grab and go gift. No real feeling was put into it. I've picked this up from my mother who buys those two gifts when she has no idea what to get a person. The other choices are alcohol, chocolates and some appliance for the house.

I can't stand unrinsed dishes. No matter how many times I jump up and down and scream 'RINSE' it's still not done. And when it is done - I CAN STILL SEE FOOD ON THE PLATE!
Sorry, I feel very strongly for that.

Another thing would be people all using the same type of slang especially on Facebook. OMG/LOL/PWNS/FAIL/EPIC - ARGGHH!

I can't bear it when people chew with their mouths open, or talk with their mouths full. It puts me right off my own food. I used to ask my father to stop doing it, and I'd then get "Leave me alone, I'm enjoying my tea!" type comments.

I also hate it when I don't want an alcoholic drink . . . but people can't accept this. It is beyond their comprehension that someone doesn't like to drink, and so they keep pestering me. I automatically am seen as a 'miserable' person who 'won't join in and have fun'. But I don't like alcohol - it tastes horrible, and it's bad for you. What's the point of it?

Finally, I have found that there is no way of asking people to turn music down that doesn't make the other people concerned see you as hateful. Never mind that they're the ones being hideously inconsiderate and selfish and their imaginations are so small that they can't think of any other way to amuse themselves than to drink beer, play 'Lady Gaga' at volume 11 and yell . . . I'm apparently in the wrong, simply because the music is disturbing me.

All so far seem valid to me... almost too valid for the category! But this one really stands out. The idea that people can't accept a person being unwilling to drink alcohol! It staggers the mind. Besides, I would have thought they'd be glad of someone being willing to stay sober to drive them home (if that's the situation). Anyway, mine are very minor versus that... at least no one is thinking I need to drink bad-tasting liquid that can actually harm me.

Maybe I can add my reaction to tailgating on this basis... no one acts like I'm trying to be evil for not liking it (oh, except someone who commented on my blog, seemed to think I was egging tailgaters on without basis for this assumption) but it is definitely a case of someone pushing me to do something (go faster) that could get me in trouble or killed. I think that's the closest I've come to what you describe.

Really, there's more times when you have to wonder how it's possible that they could think you're the problem.

It really bugs me when people who I don't really know shorten my name. It's Lucy, it not exactly a mouthful!

I also don't like being watched, one of my colleagues looks up every time anyone passes through the room he works in, and similarly if he comes into my office, he (rather rudely, I think) watches what I'm doing on my computer. Grr.

To be honest, people in general tend to wind me up, probably why I prefer my own company.

Germophobe here.

Yeah, I get a lot of grief for that.

'Theory of Mind'- and it absolutely works both ways here.

In principle with the "drinking anecdote," I find it irritating that I should like something because they do. "Normal people do this," hinting that I'm abnormal. Some can't understand another point of view or preference.

Dancing is one I can think of. I recall my wife and I, when we were still dating; going to outings ( receptions) where dancing was featured, and I heard a snide remark that she should find somebody who can dance. She doesn't have an interest in it, but the other dominating perspective of "liking dancing" and that my partner should likewise, is awesomely shortsighted.

So who has a disability here?

When I pull up to the drive thru at Starbucks, the cashier is particularly friendly and asks specific questions before taking an order. It takes me aback because I'm so used to hearing "welcome to ______________, may I take your order?" That's been standard at nearly every drive thru I had ventured through before Starbucks. I used to ignore the questions and order anyway because it was such a different approach and I wasn't used to it. Now, I go through the hoops and have a brief conversation through the speaker even though I feel like I am holding up the line a bit. It doesn't seem as strange now that I am used to it.

Oo, add name shortening and being watched to my list. I definitely get agitated by those. I don't even like people calling me by my first name. I realize it puts them in a bad position if they can't, since last names really aren't part of social interaction much these days, so when they ask what I prefer to be called I do usually give them my preferred one.

I had a whole family I met, cousins of mine, years ago, who shortened everyone's names. Didn't bother me so much because my mom thought it was so funny that they did it to everyone... they played no favorites. She had a point because they even did it to their son, Dustin.

I hate when people shorten my name. I tolerate it better now, but I still really dislike it. I do have one way I like to shorten my name, but pretty much everyone who knows me but my own family uses it. Since my name can be shortened multiple ways, I really prefer people to not experiment.

When I'm in public, I look at everyone that enters/exits a room, or walks by me. And I'm always looking around at things, I don't know why.

Oooh, being asked how I am by strangers is difficult, especially as most of the time they aren't interested in hearing the answer and I'm probably not in the mood for actually telling them either. I don't go to Jack in the Box regularly, but I'll certainly watch out for that next time.

Also, I'm glad my name is two-syllables and really can't be shortened (well, unless you completely butcher it). I get people calling me similar names, though, sometimes.

Being watched is definitely a pet peeve of mine, same with someone walking directly behind me.

Hmm, as for my own, I hate it when people use my stuff, especially when they don't put it back as they found it. I was fuming yesterday because I was fixing myself a big bowl of noodles and couldn't find my special pair of chopsticks. They are these nice decorative ones that were given to me as a present when I was in Japan and I think one of my room mates must have them in their room. I know they haven't been stolen and I know they'll probably end up in the sink within the week. It doesn't make me any less annoyed, though.

But here's the thing... I have no one but myself to blame. I gave them my permission to use whatever they need. Because I'm nice and trying to be friendly. So in lieu of not telling them that some stuff might be off limits to use, I can't really be mad. (Well, I can be, but it's not justified. )

I probably do when I'm out and about, but it's the fact that we're in a closed environment, why pay so much attention, and surely he should be busy concentrating on doing his job! But then, this person is a known slacker, so I shouldn't be surprised, he's one of those who you can see hurriedly minimise the web browser to pretend he's doing something useful!

The reason I dislike my first name shortened is I don't like the sound of it. If I had a different name that sounded better when shortened, I wouldn't mind. I don't like anyone shortening the first name I am stuck with, though.

It may seem rude to you to just start ordering, but almost everyone does just that. I spent over 2.5 yrs working in fast food and the most I ever got in response to "how are you doing?" was "fine, I'll have a. . . ".

I can assure you they ask you how you are because the manager tells them too. I just say fine and go on with my order. it makes it easier for both of you.