Why AS can be a blessing. aka Good days should be shared!

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Yay! No more writers block, several shorts out and working on the AS book! Happy, happy, happy....

Let me tell you about one of the advantages to being autistic.

I can have a truly phenomenal and happy day. And all I have to do is quit trying. I( can allow myself to forget all the social conventions and all of society, I don’t have to think about Steve or the fight we got in, don’t have to wonder what my neighbors think of me or what is going on in other cars. I don’t have to worry about how I’m dressed, or my haircut, or whether I am socially acceptable.

I can get in my sporty little Mazda MX6, roll down all the windows, open the moon roof, crank the tunes, and the AC and just drive…and then nothing exists for me except the music and the air rippling my clothes, the bass speaker thudding the beat against my leg, the treble and tweeters catching the high notes of the gods, and lofting them past my head, my ears wholly aware, my eyes and hands and my feet, my car, the engine, suspension and wheels all in sink as if they were one thing, and I can drive as fast or as slow as I want to, the light and reflections rippling off the curves of the hood and the shadows stripling the windshield.

I am an excellent driver (I can drive anything), and I have an excellent car, V6, rack and pinion steering, prime shocks, which I keep in excellent condition since tinkering with it is almost as much fun as driving it.

I like to drive period, in any weather and under any conditions but my favorite is to drive at twilight when the air is cool and the light mellow. Tonight was absolutely perfect, I left my house as twilight just began to creep across the sky and just as a storm was coming in from the west, I took Big Island Road - a winding two lane country road, south just to see where it went, car open running hard to stay at the edge of the storm, engine open, music swirling like a force, air fast and heavy scented, and the road a fast disappearing ribbon below my wheels and the roaring pitches of the engine.

I used to think I had no sense of smell, but I now think that was just the fact that I lived in one of the most polluted cities in the US, and now I don’t anymore but rather live in the country beyond the sprawl, and scents – some only half remembered – keep coming back to me…and when your driving with your windows down scents hit you with the force of a hammer and filter into your brain like a drug. Fresh mown hay, river water, skunk, mown grass, fresh cut timber – pine, maple, apple, cedar, fresh cut lumber with it’s burned sawdust tang and released sap smells, or even just wet lumber, fresh rain, wet wood land, marsh, wet grass, hot pavement and the smell of the mists forming where the rain fell, valley fog, manure – both sweet and hot, cow and horse flesh, hot metal from a welder’s shop, hot granite, the smell of a spring somewhere off the road with its moss on rock undertones, rhododendron, campfire smoke, barbeque smoke, hickory smoke, magnolia, mountain laurel, honey suckle, sassafras, coal smoke and electricity, peat moss, oil, gasoline, lichen on brick, and so much more, all of the scents you have come to recognize but can’t put into words, cannot describe at unless the person you’re talking to has smelled them as well.

And the sounds, too…music, the cars engine sounds, which are as familiar to me as Beethoven’s Ninth, with each roar, and click and pop familiar or cause for investigation, the sound of the tires on the road textures, the sound of other traffic or no traffic at all, the birds – jays, gulls, owls, crows, loons, whippoorwills, geese, then the livestock – the neighing of a horse, the lowing of cattle, goats, even sheep, or the wood sounds…all so beautiful.
And the sights, trees, moss, river, boats, stone houses, brick houses, cabins, chalets, industrial blocks, rail yards, rusted iron, deer, bear, possums – some in the least likely of places, factories, forests, gravel pits, koi ponds. Human and nature in all their variety and without the clouding mask of religion or social caste or learned associations. No categories, no white guy, black guy, rich guy, poor guy, redneck, skater, slut. No natural, industrial, urban, country, slum, mansion. Nothing to keep you from seeing that everyone and everything is god and of god whichever god, goddess you believe in.
Just now, just beauty, just happiness.
And my “disability”, my inability to judge facial expression or tone of voice, my inability to go “he/she likes me/hates me”, my inability to judge time, for all the problems it can cause me…and does cause me, also gives me times – driving, walking, shopping, hiking, pumping gas, or mowing lawns, eating, working, whenever also gives me these moments of pure divinity and pure being.
We have not fallen, we have not lost or Edens. We have lost our ability to experience them, with our ego trips, our petty angers, our monumental fears, we place ourselves and our perceptions between ourselves and our world, and then we blame things. Yes, even me. We blame drugs, alcohol, depression, poverty, charity, wealth, physical handicaps, physical health, the color of our skins, our autisms, our fears, our parents, our schools, our what-the-f-evers, because responsibility for ourselves…the idea that we create our worlds and are solely the cause of whatever happens to us, both good and bad, that our choices are our lives, is so darn scary that we actually prefer our pains. Yes, me included.
But sometimes…sometimes we taste heaven, Eden, Elysium, Nirvana, the garden…in a sunset, in the act of love, in our grandchild’s smile, even in a good meal after a long day, or a warm bed in a thunderstorm…and then, then we are closest to ourselves and to the gods.

Right, no offense intended. Just what Gods are you on about?
1)Omni-potent,
2)Omni-benovelent,
3)Omni-scient,
4)Evil exists
5) Old Roger(s) has lesser power than them.
One of those must be false which is it?

I assume you have read a holy text of some sort.
All man-kind losing the ability to percieve Eden for something two did?
Yeh, very merciful.

I know what you mean about moments of pure happiness, i had one the other day walking down a hill in to town. It was a gorgeous summer morning, early so still cool and the ir was no one else but me around. It was really, really 'lush' as we say in the west country, uk.
I was going to post here to see if anyone else ever gets feelings like this, feelings of absolute blis and just from something as simple as going for a walk. Guess you beat to it!

hiya


i somtime get moments like that although few and far between.

hey i am also inthe south west UK i'm in wiviliscombe (NR Taunton) where are you?


jammie

I read all of the holy texts when I was considering theology or philosophy as a major, Koran, Talmud, KJ Bible, Cath. Bible with w/apocrypha, Gnostic Gospels, writings of the Cathars, Upanishads, Writing of Confucious, Writings of Buddha, Books of Enki, Tao Te Ching, books of Enochian Magic, the C of E book of Common Prayer, books of astrology, books of Satanism, Qabbalist writings, Jainist wtitings, shamanistic and technoshamanistic writings, and most of the major Philosophical and "occult" texts, ranging from John Dee to Immanual Kant and so on. I am by preference a philosophical Taoist...and as Taoists believe that all things are the Tao, and that all things serve the Tao - which is to say all things serve Purpose, then I believe in all the gods and all of their validity. So I disagree that there must be any true or false beliefs, just more or less helpful ones to the believer. These most seem contradictory until you releaze that light and darkness are merely balancing aspects of the same thing...a belief not unique to Taoists, there are other Oriental and even Occidental sects of various religions that believe the same thing. So no matter you beliefs, you are not going to offend me until and unless you begin to use your beliefs as an excuse to harm another being, up to and including yourself...and if you would like to get more in depth as to my beliefs and their multiscriptural backings I am more than happy to do so in a private message format. And again I do not feel we have lost Eden, or that any of the holy books are to be taken as wholely literal, especially as fall from the garden myths can be found in various formats in various books, for example the fall from innocence in the books of Enki is the Eden story complete with Adam and Eve as Enki and Innana, way before Genesis. I feel that what these "religions of the Book" to use the Islamic term or "religions of the Word" to use the Judaic, are is verbal translations of very complex ideas and something will always be lost in translation - hence "through the glass darkly" . And remember also that all of these texts including the KJ Bible were heavily tampered with at various points for social or political reasons, such as allowing the dueteronomists power over the Pharisees and more recently to allow King James to divorce his wife. As a Taoist I believe Eden, Nirvana, Elysium, as you choose to choose is right here and right now, we simply can't see it because of our loss of innocence again translated in many, many ways. And there is even a case to be made that the fall was necessary at one time in our evolution - a friend of mine with a doctorate in Theology and theosophy feels that to be the case, since without the fall we'd have no egos, and without our egos we'd be unable to relate to each other. The Buddhist texts suggest this is partially correct in that before enlightenment we "chop wood and carry water" and after enlightenment we "chop wood, carry water". I hope that clarifies my beliefs a bit and that I have not offended you. And again I would welcome further conversation on the topic...

Simply put religion is a bunch of lies. Religions are the friend of logic when it helps its intention but the enemy of it when it doesn’t. Just like politicians, just like man.

You have to make up your mind whether the lies are good or bad ones, but they are lies nun the less. I cannot show you what is beyond the universe, but I have a good idea why people believe. It is all down to power for power sake. If a religion does not care about power then it dies, like the tree hugging, pagans a long time ago. And why Evangelicals Christians religions is becoming more popular and is the religion of the Republican Party. Money and religion has come together were money and Scientific Truth could not.

Go-eee, cyberpunkwriter, girt lush day ! ! Thanks for sharing! It was really inspiring. Cheers.

Positives: I will probably always see things from a youngster's perspective, which will probably mean parenting 'difficult' children easier.

I know exactly what you mean. I used to get days and times like those all the time, almost daily. I had difficulties but I had so much good too. Now I have nothing, since I have left college, and it is killing me. I have spent the last two months in pursuit of the SIMPLEST of joys, all of which have eluded me. I have not even been able to find a comfortable computer to use in the last two months. It has been either hot and muggy or raining for the last two months so I have been able to to take hardly any walks. Since I can not get anywhere I seldom even have the experience of buying something delectable to eat and that making me happy. I am really struggling trying to find other things to enjoy just to get me through but all that surrounds me seems to be misery, a new kind of it every day (at least there is some variety in my suffering, the same thing all the time would get awfully boring and indeed does, it kind of chokes and leaves you literally gasping for breath if you let yourself think about it too much.)

Kate

yay for moments of bliss. wish they could last forever.

Well said, I'd say.
Sometimes putting such ideas into practice can be a lot harder than putting them into words, though. At least in my experience. As many first-time politicians find out, it's a lot easier to name a problem than to fix it. In my own life, as I search out those moments of sublime beauty, hoping each next moment might lead me to the secret place they all come from, I always know I will never reach it. Maybe if I stopped looking so hard...

Enjoy every day as if it's your first and last, because in a metaphysical kind-of way, it is.

Religion isn't a bunch of lies. If you didn't want a debate you wouldn't have just said that. Christianty isn't just for the republican party its for all of the world. Lies they aren't. Lies wouldn't be written down in in scared books. Lies isn't apart of Christianity. It isn't all about power and God isn't trying to control everyone. Pagens are the ones that are liers and full of bull. Pagenism also includes all the worldly religions that aren't Christiantity. I can't believe that you would make us Christians seem like we are much of demons. Christianity isn't all about money. God doesn't need any of our money so don't you dare make Christianity to appear like a bunch of lies. If it was a bunch of lies all of the Christianity would just fall to the ground and die. Christianity isn't about lies. Christianity isn't about sucking up to the man nor is it apart of politics. God doesn't pick sides on human politics or Governments. I can't believe why no other Christians that are on here posted to this. And that is all from me.

Anyway I'm glad that I got that out of my system. I hope this book of yours goes well and gets published. I would sure like to read this book. If you need some help on formating and finding the right publishing just check with me and I'll help you. You can always count on me to help you count on me to for the proofreading it.

Cyberpunkwriter, that was wonderful. I have had some of those feelings too, although I can't really put them into words now. I...uh...can't smell things very well generally unless they are strong like coffee beans (good) or gasoline (bad). Good luck on your book.

Uh oh religion fight! I flirted with atheism for a while but it didn't work for me. While I am fascinated by discussions on religious texts (I was baptized a Roman Catholic), I really haven't been able to come close to actually considering joining any particular religion again. I'm an agnostic.

It's easy to confuse religion and faith. Religion can be riddled with anything you like - it's imperfect because it's manmade. Faith is not man-made - it's spiritual and has none of the restrictive boundaries that religion has enforced on people for centuries.

When you start applying human values to something that's supposed to be beyond humanity, you taint it irrevocably. At least, that's how I see it.

So I'm a Christian. But I don't go to church because I got fed up with the way it was organised and run. I believe in God, but I don't believe he is a "he" or a "she" and I don't tend to capitalise, because it seems like random sucking up to someone who probably doesn't bother about our spelling and typing ANYway. (if you were omnipotent, would you care??).

I consider the bible to be a historical text that doesn't contradict science but rather supports it...just by telling the same stories in a different and more contemporary way. (Anyone who's done degree work in historical methodology will know that each historical era has it's own specific style of historical writing, based on it's own values of what's important to that era). That said, the bible was written by humans. Humans have agendas. Again, studying historical methodology, that's something else you run headfirst into just about all of the time *grins*. So I'm not anti-gay, anti-evolution or anti-other faiths and I don't believe atheists are devil worshippers or any crazy stuff like that. Since God is supposedly perfect, he would not judge...Christianity is meant to be founded on not judging and turning the other cheek anyway. So to me, any anti- slants put on Christianity are man-made, not divine. And yet people believe them and over the centuries have been willing to kill or to die for them.

Just another completely illogical world thing, in my view ^_^. People just go looking for ways to draw lines in the sand and segregate themselves from the people around the based on things they can't even prove. Why not just, you know, live your life and find out when you die - so long as you aren't hurting anyone, I don't see the big deal in trying to prove or disprove a theology :S

Moving into the happy day stories - I get happy moments sometimes, just randomly, usually when it's sunny and I'm off exploring someplace or I've had a really good day at work or if everything seems to be clicking. If I've written a good story, or had a good chat with a friend...or acquired something special for a collection. Yep. Happy days are good

Apple

Hi jammie

I'm in Bath