suggestions for first meetings....?

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Hi...I am relatively new to Wrong Planet and appreciate being able to post here and get input from others....

Partly, I guess, because I've had to teach myself from scratch in some ways, I'm not too bad with people anymore -- I enjoy being with people, can talk to them and listen, engage and connect much better than I ever have in the past, and I enjoy that!

My biggest challenge now is when I just meet someone -- I still tend to get overeager and my mind blanks out or I can "say too much" or ask them probing, semi-rude questions....

Does anyone have suggestions or examples for positive ways to engage people when we have just met....?? like in places where I am open to making friends....I would appreciate a few more skills in this area...

Thanks!

Nancy

Well I met about twenty new people on Tuesday when I transfered to a new job. I can remember about four names, it was very stressful for me especially when i had to concentrate on the job. To answer your question I tend to keep things brief and generic with new people. I think it's better to get to know new people slowly.

Have a set of nice easy questions ready - because it's easier on you if they go first and therefore give you a guideline on how personal to get. When they answer a question, if the conversation doesn't move on you then have room to tell them the same about yourself to keep it going.

Suggestions:
What do you do (for work)?
Where do you work?
I love your (top, hair, shoes, ring)
(if they're your new workmates) How long have you been here?
What did you get up to on the weekend?
(if at work) Do you live far/do you have a long commute?

I try to compliment someone every day - twee, but it makes them feel good and makes people want to like me.

Thank you for that feeback. That was helpful....

I'm actually hanging around a lot of people now who like to rush quickly into intimate conversations, and I'm trying to hang back and still have stuff to say....Probably a lot of them are aspies, actually, and completely unfamiliar with the terrain....

Anyway, what you said was helpful to remember. I actually prefer to go slower these days....It feels better AND produces better results/ longer relationships....

I was in a conversation the other day with a new person, an I watched very closely what they revealed and then considered for a moment and answered in the same vein, advancing the conversation by inches....It felt different. I kinda liked it.

This kind of stuff can be a lot of work. Managing the interface between my mind and the outside world is a full-time job!! !! !! !! !! !! I find that NTs have a hard time understanding that, how that can be, but it sure is obvious to me!

Anyway, progress not perfection, eh....?