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Mitch8817
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03 Jul 2006, 7:10 am

Here is a poem I wrote many moons ago. Let me know what you think (pay me out if you will, but at least back it up with COLD HARD FACTS thanks :P)

indigo night, as quiet as any other
in the twilight, he longed
the moon rises upward
forthcoming, he grins widely
peers down upon this fragile belief
he envies us so, simplicity
so close. one silent wish.
drifting on his arc
at apex, an oath
life sways in unison
the forest almost forgot
but the moon still knows
so he reaches out
beckons us up
the pale glow returned. a promise.
on the lip they watched. hush.
his only tear, silent
catches their smile and drifts
compelled downward. downward.
his gaze drinks its fill
eyes illuminating the clocktower
orderly rhythm. he longs.
at the stroke he moves against
rules forgotten, time was flying
into oblivions hands they came and went
all turned away, toward the silence
"i wont become a memory" he objected
and his light became great,
silvery illumination
and they all looked upwards
pulled upon them;
his downfall was known to all
the people watched
their whispers expanded
not a word. look.
he continued toward them
reality dawned. they all cried out:
"stop moon, please stop"
startled, he blinked twice and focused
he looked down: a world so soon to end
and saw his folly
the second followed the first
then he faded away
"shine moon, please shine"
but nothing was forthcoming
and fate was upon them

PS. NEVER GIVE UP ALIENS!!



hyper_alien
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03 Jul 2006, 7:13 am

That was amazing.

Thanks

:D


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larsenjw92286
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03 Jul 2006, 8:19 am

Very nice!


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Emoal6
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05 Jul 2006, 5:58 am

that is free verse poetry. The use of metaphors is extremely brilliant, and definitly deep. I know Ive gained an ill reputation for speaking(rather typing) my mind. See, poetry is somethig I take extremly serious. Its one of my only fascinations, obsessions. I can appear cold and heartless but the fact of the matter is I never stike in ill will, only in hope that others may see the otherside they've missed most likly. I think you're a very talented writer, though you will need a little maturing, which comes with time and experience. Its a great start tho, and do continue writing out your thoughts and feelings. Ive learned the more you write, the better you are able to flow your thoughts in a continuous stream of consciousness, thus creating a world to be inveloped into.



Xuincherguixe
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05 Jul 2006, 6:12 am

I like.

And I don't like a lot of poetry :P



lae
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05 Jul 2006, 10:50 am

Beautiful.



Mitch8817
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05 Jul 2006, 9:48 pm

thanks alot for the comments guys, its really (for lack of a better word right now) nice...and great and stuff :P
emoal6 id like to apologise for my inappropriate and heavy handed attack on you for your comments on hyper_alien's poem. i think strong emotion is best spent in creativity and expression, rather than negatively directed at other people.
thanks again guys!



larsenjw92286
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06 Jul 2006, 2:20 pm

You're welcome!


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