I can't empathize with lack of empathy

Post Reply New Topic

are there varying degrees of Asperger's? Reason I ask is I read that a lot of people don't know what it's like to empathize with someone. Myself, I find it easy yet I've been officially dxed with Asperger's. Or the ability to go from abstract to general to specific. It seems to be lost on a lot here. If you're asking a question but seem vague on it, I'll be able to divine through context clues what the actual question is.

Absolutely, while the objective criteria for diagnosis is the same, some people operate in a highly functional way and are able to adapt to the degree of Aspergers in their life, while some cannot adapt and some lose their adaptation. As far as empathy goes some speculate that there are people on the Autism Spectrum that experience empathy in such a strong way that they psychologically block out the feelings associated with it.

I normally don't share the common emotions associated with empathy. One thing I have noticed in my life is when I hear about something bad happening to someone, at times an electrical shock feeling runs down my leg. I've heard other people talking about this kind of sensation that aren't on the spectrum so it may be just another aspect of empathy that anyone could experience.

When my wife's mother passed away, I did sense her grief and it scared me because I felt like she was going to a place in her mind that she would not be able to return from and somehow I felt like I was right there with her, even though I did not feel a great deal of sadness when her mother passed away. I guess that was empathy and for me it was a very powerful thing.

I have been very influenced by the energy of the people I have been acquainted with in life. Sometimes in a very positive way and sometimes in a very negative way. It doesn't feel like emotion, just positive or negative energy.

It is great that you are able to share the experience of joy, pain, and sadness with others. I've see other people do it so well, male and female; it seems to be an experience that strengthens the bond between people.

My wife and mother do it with the people they see on TV all of the time. They laugh alot at TV also. I can remember sharing laughter with people and the joy that goes along with it, but it seems like a forever ago to me; it seems like a very meaningful part of empathy that a person with little empathy or feelings may not get to fully participate in.

Good points, aghogday.

Also, I think that lack of empathy is something that is misused or misunderstood. Lack of entropy means that Aspies have difficulty reading NTs emotions. People sometimes think that means that we cannot feel those emotions or understand what others feel, which is actually quite a different thing.

Yes, every person who is diagnosed with AS will have each symptom to a different degree.

I'm glad you brought this topic up... I have very strong feelings (of distress) when I see other people in pain, bullied etc. I can certainly see that they are distressed and I also feel distressed. I hate it when people with autism are said to lack empathy.

The main problem I have is with expressing empathy in a way that most others expect or want me to express it. So, for example, if someone tells me of something horrible that has happened to them I'm not always sure what is the best way to respond, and what they want from me.

Perhaps a difference is that if something upsets me I tend to find the best way to deal with it is to block my feelings (e.g. through hard exercise) or to isolate myself. However, most NTs seem to prefer a more demonstrative response like a hug and a lot of vocal sympathy.

I think that people on the spectrum have problems with expressing empathy, though they may feel it just as strongly, if not more than others.

I know my friend, for example, who definitely has AS... People say she is "cold". However, I know her well. I can tell you that she cares about others deeply. She'll go out of her way not to hurt anyone and she is extremely loyal to her friends. All of her actions show me this to be true. But she shows her empathy by how she acts, not by what she says. I think that's the difference.

I find I have physical reactions to peoples' emotional distress around me, meaning it translates into physical pain/nausea, for me when someone I am close to or even around for any length of time is emotionally charged, be it in anger, sadness, what have you. I can't get my mind around it, but I feel it inside myself and react to emotions on that level. My daughter's crying from pain or upset, even a temper tantrum is especially jarring for me since I often get reduced to the point of uselessness when it happens. I can't force myself to remain calm and "parental" because it's so debilitating to me.

There are so many uncanny things in life. I find the empath scenario interesting. I remember going through a couple of years of severe stress where I could not control the level of my energy. After I got away from the stress I had a very difficult time ending the excess energy that I had to be able to relax, or I guess you could say turning the adrenaline off.

I remember walking around the block in my neighborhood with my wife and sensing a change in my experience in the flow of time. Immediately when this thought crossed my mind, my wife commented that things feel different now like they are moving more slowly. This was the first time in my life that I had a sudden change in my perception of the flow of time.

Yes, this can be chalked up to coincidence like so many of these kind of experiences are in life, but I think it may be possible that some people do actually experience this kind of empath quality. I guess this and the normally defined empathy, is that you can feel it without looking at or talking to the person, it is just a matter of their proximity to you. If so, it could be particularly overwhelming, for an empath, especially in a place like Super Walmart.

I think my ego is so enormous that it has basically taken all of my other emotions space in my life

I can't ever get transportation to stores during less busy hours, so I mainly end up getting overstimulated. Too much fluorescent light, too many people, too much noise, too much everything. And then on top of that I have to find what I'm looking for and then decide which items I want. I've actually walked out of stores without anything because I couldn't cope with everything at once.

Meltdowns at the register! Whenever I have meltdowns I get away from people as quickly as possible. This is fun when I leave all my items at the register and hide in the restroom or leave the store, and then I not only have the meltdown, but I end up having to come back and do the shopping all over again.

Amount of empathy means nothing about what degree of autism you have. Many autistic people have uncontrollable empathy and are as autistic as anyone else.