Is this stupid thinking?

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Is it kind of stupid to wish you had something you don't want? I mean, to wish you had friends, but not
out of any of the people you actually know? To wish you were more sociable, but at the same time not feel like
seeing anyone?

I am so confused by this. I wonder if what I am feeling is *shame*. Ashamed of being different, and yet
not having a real reason of my own to want to change.

When I think about what I really, really want, I think I would like to sit around with a cluster of aspies and not talk. The way
groups of cats do in the evening. I saw my elderly father the other day, he is very similar to me, I'm pretty sure he has AS and I got
it from him. I knew enough this time to just enjoy standing close to him, and I could tell he did too. What is there to say?
My other relatives were super nice to me, but I felt like they were also enjoying being "the kind NTs" (I only recently told them
I have AS and have been upset about it). Not so with my father. He was glad to see me, and I was glad to see him. Simple.

"Once there was a boy who woke up with blue hair
To him, it was a joy, but then he ran out into warm air
Thought about, his friends would come and see
Would they laugh and had he got some strange disease?"

(Crash Test Dummies, God Shuffled His Feet)

Does it even make sense to say "I wish I was more sociable"?

I don't think it's stupid to want be more social. I have a very, very, very social family so I can see where you're coming from.

It's not stupid at all. On one hand, you want things to be different, to be able to fit in better, but at the same time you don't want to lose the things that make you unique.

I think that is part of you wanting to have this and another part of you not wanting to have it. I get this too often and it used to confuse my shrink a lot so he was always telling me "You lost me there" and then he figured out part of me wants this or that and part of me doesn't.

I don't think it's dumb either.

I think it boils down to routine. I have my friends that i see at work (new workplace so all change now) then I practice with my band every Sunday. Outside those times i generally keep myself to myself and hence get my 'social life' when i expect it. I'm sure there are many NTs that deliberately confine their social life to the weekend and consider weeknights a closed door save partner, kids, and dog

Chickenbird, I know what you mean. I feel like an extrovert stuck inside an introvert's body. I have the desire to be social and have friends, etc.; but i can never execute it well, so I'd rather be alone. I want to have company over; but I hate it, too. My 'friends' always say they could just come over and not talk because i tell them how I hate talking; but I know it's weird for them. I want to hang out with other people who hate to talk, too. I mean, a little bit here and there is fine; but I'd like to hang out with people whose senses are not heightened by the presence of silence because they know the other person is feeling awkward that you're silent. Basically, I want to do what you said, hang out and not talk. Personally, meditation isn't at all what I'm looking for.

I like crocheting, knitting, reading, watching movies, tv shows, playing games, researching on the internet, etc. I'd love to do that with someone else next to me, completely engaged in the same thing, but without talking except rarely and that THAT is what they LOVE doing, too. Not that they're putting up with it; but that they LOVE the lack of talking.

Ah, sounds like heaven