My Story:social,stimulating oxytocin rlease/stop inhibition?

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Hi,
I have a lot of reasons the biggest causer of my asperger like behaviour is an oxytocin deficiency:
- My mom always told me I was looking so absent and not engaged when I was a baby and she was nursing/trying to bond with me. I wouldn't feed breast as well.
- in unexpected situations I immediately get very stressed.

I was started being bullied frequently at age of 12 (hi school), and I was happy when school finished so I could play games. Holiday made me happy, the little contact I had with girls or group/friendship feeling with anyone made me happy.
On a camping holiday I met a girl and while we didn't get sexually involved we could talk a lot on friendly level. the week after we parted we had conversations via phone of 45-55 minutes (lucky I had a subscription and not prepaid :p) and at least 5 text messages. If the circumstances were about right I could be really social!

Then my next school year started. the biggest bully was still in my class but 3 new beautiful girls were there too. I fell in love with one of them and she seemed to like me too (but I was too shy and insecure and she happened to know the bully well and was afraid of what the bully would do, however she is the most popular girl of the school and I'm.. not really popular and have a pretty bad reputation to be honest) she treated me as equal and was really warm. She and 2 of her friends really added a positive atmosphere for me in class.(the other 2 beauties )

A few months later, when I was 14¾ years old I had a date with a girl. I met her via a social networking site and had big convo's on msn. the real life meeting went superb and a girl from my class who knew her told me the next day that she really liked me.. at the end of a second date I tried to kiss her but she didn't budge. she said at the beginning she had to leave at 4 but it was half past 3 and she said she had to change her clothes etc.. my feelings were pretty hurt. This seemed to trigger a long term depression because I only felt boredom, even when I went on holiday, when there was no school, or when I won at games, when I got money, etc.

Just telling, at about the same time I started my long term treatment which will permanently desensibilize me from dust mite allergy & hayfever (oralgen). I am still taking this up till now, possibly 2 years more(it says treatment takes from 3-5 years, its my 3rd year now ). It is a very sweet syrup like stuff which I need to take before breakfast and I'm allergic to sugar & gluten too, so I am thinking whether this had an influence on my depression and lack of social skills (ability to emphatize, have conversations of longer than 30 secs with ease) afterwards. Long conversations were only possible if the other person was very open to me.

As you can see social contacts are pretty important for me. I'm trying hard to get social interactions, I won't turn over an invitation quickly (maybe that's because I'm not invited to parties a lot). I know a few people who are very nice but still aren't close friends, it seems I'm good at getting superficial contacts but the last true friends I had were from primary schooltime.

My best friend from high school (which wasn't as close as the primary school friends but came near it, in the sense we could talk for minutes, half hour sometimes about deep subjects easily), died 2 years ago. which left me with just 1 decent friend, but he is shy and he doesn't dare to go to places with a lot of people while I love to party and meet new people, but it is awkward to go on your own so I almost never party. I tried hard to socialize with other groups but was rejected (not really until 2 bastards came in class which didn't pass the year, and humiliated me to get closer to the group I was trying to connect to)

So, last year I had a b day party with 9 people, it was quite fun but some people I wasn't very closely connected to. and at the end I waved some people goodbye, the girl next door (opposite door actually) came home from party with her friends. one of them is the girl friend of the brother of the girl's next door.
the girlfriend and the brother are very nice and open people, they are a bit older than me.
The girlfriend which is so beautiful (from outside and inside) came to me and kissed me(cheek) to congratulate me.. I didn't know what to say and said my birthday was a month ago .. she didn't seem to be offended, I should have felt happy because a beautiful,warm lady kissed me but I didn't enjoy the moment properly. sadly.

Last year I went with the brother of girl next door to party at a national party day, he was smoking outside and from the kitchen window I spoke to him explaining I was going to the same city as well, but would meet with some people there, he invited to come with him, and there were some pretty cool people with who I went to the city.. in the train at the next stop some people from my class which used to be friends but distanced a bit from me (and I couldn't care much less about) entered.. I ignored them and felt good sitting with people which I have contact less frequently but feel more connected to in the minutes I know them than I did with those old friends from high school.

So we arrived in town and there was a good mood, until bad weather showed up and the group went split and we had to shelter. but later we continued to walk and I saw someone who I knew and I lost my group after talking to him. I waited for 20 minutes at a bar because I was afraid to move on my own. I saw the girl I was in love with, and while I didn't have feelings about her anymore I was afraid to be seen walking on my own. but I mingled in the crowd and met some people living in my town, which are nice but distant. I connected with the group and it felt that I wasn't the 5th wheel like I usually was.. a real group and I actually made out with a girl they did meet.. I didn't feel a lot different but I felt there was something different... some kind of positive rush.. possibly the oxytocin I was missing for 2 years was released!

A few months later I was invited to the exam party of the girlfriend of the brother of girl next door.. I met some cool people and had great conversations.. which really brought me into the mood. in the same week I had 2 trance parties in the weekend coming up, and I finally got someone to come with me after many attempts it was another girl I met in the same holiday described above.. she could only go the first day meaning the 2nd I was going to be alone. we slept in a tent and when we were about to part I shared that I felt really bad going there on my own, ashamed. she cheered me up and said that you sometimes need to go to places on your own, not be dependant of others. this is great but I'm still ashamed of going out on my own.
The second trance party I met new people which were really enthousiastic about the music(as opposed to the girl I went with the first day) and the music was better than the day before so I had way more fun the second day I went on my own


But yeah, I shared my life story but my point is, I think a lot of my social awkwardness can be solved by a boost of oxytocin, and I think because of all the pressure of bullying for 3 years + that final failed date stopped the oxytocin traffic inside. What can I do to increase this level, and if possible start this traffic? I feel less lethargic than back than but still not the 9.4 I gave my life before I entered high school. possibly I need to get more friends and social interaction for this to get over, but the funny thing is this is a vicious circle : more socially adept>easier friend making > more oxytocin > more socially adept.. and next year I will see a lot of less people because I will take a sabbatical and have no school. this will mean no bullying but I will probably lose contacts with about everyone and everyone I know around here will have a busy agenda and not very willing to spend time with me.

How can I boost my oxytocin levels?

There is interesting research available on this on the internet. As far as I know there is not an FDA approved way to do this a this time, but it is being studied. There are quite a few side effects.

Just out of curiosity, do you know if labor was induced in your birthing process. Picotin, a synthetic form of oxytocin is often administered. I saw information awhile back suggesting a possible link between Picotin, induced labor and issues with oxytocin, but I don't think there is any reliable evidence for this.

Oxytocin nasal spray, of course.

I don't think it has been approved for usage out of the realm of clinical studies; has it?

I think this is entirely normal. You're stymied. You don't know what you did wrong. Well, it might be issues she's having. (What I learned playing poker, a lot more in life than we commonly imagine is just plain luck, and it's about trying to limit losses during bad luck, and roll with it during good luck)

It's kind of like a stream coming down from a moutain and meandering across a plain, many potential branch points. So, I tell myself, it's a matter of medium risks and taking medium steps and seeing how it goes, and then another medium step.

I think both intellectually and artistically the world is becoming a better place. Somewhat more openings for those of us with Asperger's. I mean, the Internet is quite a tool

Both my parents have a sensitivity to gluten. If your get a chance, I'd be interested in hearing more about your experiences. (I mean, gluten's just bread! Part of what is just a conventional slice of bread)

For next year, what if you did a mix of formal and informal? As just one example, what if you took, say, a formal class on paramedics, and then at the same time took some informal lessons in music and continued to explore your local music scene?

Er... the body converts all food into sugar. You may have some kind of trouble when eating refined sugar or too much sugar (which would manifest not just with sugar itself but with many foods, like in diabetes), but you wouldn't be able to eat anything if you were allergic to sugar. I'd be really wary of whoever told you that, as far as getting medical information from them. (It is possible to be allergic to things combined with sugar, like in honey, but sugar itself, you'd be allergic to all foods and to your own body which runs partly on sugar.)

I don't know, however I know that my birth was done via cesarian cut and my birth was a rough one, my neck was bent and possibly cut off of oxygen for a short while as well. Will try to find out if it did... You've made me curious with the point of picotin :p



I'd be open 2 try that, i read about that before. After some googling, looking at some sites appear to abuse it as what seems like a commercial scam. I think I'll ask my doctor about it.

I didn't even like the girl a lot.. I think the rejection was such a trigger point that my ego collapsed.. I mean before high school I was so confident and was befriended with loads of people.. if someone dared to make a bad comment to me I'd fight him immediately (even if he was 2 years older than me) and I didn't know shyness.. I wouldnt care about what others thought of me, doing things which I'd become a youtube meme for
I am always trying to find reasons why I socially deteriorated since then.. I had a heavy concussion which occurred by a wrestling game, in pairs, I was lying on the ground resting after I was pulled down, There were 25 people so it was pretty crowded. suddenly someone was smashed on the ground and she landed with her head right on mine, without the rest of the body landing so full impact on my head.. I had frequent headaches the following years and still have some pressure on my head and try to avoid fights to avoid brain damage. From CT/MRI scans it seemed I was fine, and it occurred in my second last year of primary school and not really significant changes in the last year..

Yeah whenever I feel alone I try to fill my social craving with forum interaction, (I drop by here to come for social/autistic related stuff.. the other forums are NT forums.. some forums I tend to cause flame wars with my vast knowledge in music theory/technology at my young age, with the average IQ on the forum being in the 2 digit area)
On another forum I'm part of the crew because of my vast knowledge, in depth engagement and writing skills.

Thing is my social craving is so big that it consumes nearly all my time leaving no time for real interaction and important stuff.

It also feels good if people add me on social networks (strange, people who bully me or make fun out of me add me too, if I don't add them I sometimes get a remark why didn't you add me, I responded with 'because you are a bastard'.. and he said noooohhh (perplexed... maybe many people who I think bully me tease me or their way of communicating is very rough but don't mean it bad but I perceive so... ( anything that doesn't fit in the category 'nice' falls into the category 'socially wanting to distance from me' or 'bully')). But most of the times the contact I have on social networks is shallow, brief and not bonding..


I want to focus fully on my dj'ing career, website and music production (these 3 overlap eachother a lot so that'll be efficient . with a bit of help of my parents, my money managing/saving skillz and determination I got myself a high grade studio... (worth over 5 grand) so now it is time to fully enjoy my musical sanctuary


I have biology, don't worry it is a basic term for something more sophisticated... anyways it boils down to the same, because I'm allergic to wheat as well

But really, I ate myself thru it since I'm like 9. This year I don't buy any sweets and try to live on minimal intake of raw sugar..

If my social life would be great my life would be complete.. I have a warm caring family, I'm smart, I'm pretty athletic (with my work at the supermarket they gave free tickets for a 16 km /10 mile run and I participated with 2 other people which are of high social status in my school and beat them both And school organizes a run of 5 km each year and I always was the 2nd best of my class... my bullies were not participating or puking because they smoked

by the way this clip shows how it should be in reality:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf1kFEUF-uU[/youtube]

@aghogday I found out labor was artificially induced. my head was stuck, I wouldn't come out the first time, and possibly oxygen problems occured for a while.

Also my mom had amalgamated tooths from her 10th age - mercury containing. Could be another cause but she said a lot of people had these, it was more common to have than not have.

and found some other things that could have made my situation worse: eventhough my mom and dad got divorced in peace (heck, they still do business with eachother), I lived almost whole my life with my mom, which has inhibited my manly characteristics and lowered my permanent testosteron level... Wish I could exchange cortisol for testosteron...

I realize that summing up the reasons why things made me like I am now won't help.. I must do something MYSELF to make the most of the coming 80 years I will have..