Has anyone had someone latch onto them in work/school settin

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Deinonychus
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22 Jan 2011, 3:31 pm

Since I am in my 50's I have been through many situations in work and school that have taught me to be suspicious. Over the years in both types of settings there have been a few instances of people latching on because they thought I would be of benefit because I had a skill or knowledge of something they needed.
I am back in school and it seems to be happening, but please tell me if you think I am overreacting. Woman around 30, very social, almost pushy is in three of my classes. She showed up 45 minutes to the first class we were in together, (and I am thinking "jeez, what a flake"), tries asking me things during the lecture. I kind of shake my head. Later same day she starts talking to me before another class, we discover we have three classes together (or more accurately she pointed out she had seen me in another class), she asks if I will be lab partner etc. Turns out she shows up for classes unprepared, brags about how she can mooch printing free since her husband works at the school, chatters (during lectures) even after I told her I have a hard time hearing sometimes and need to focus on the instructor. Uses her phone during lectures, etc etc. Even got snarky about how I wasn't very nice that first meeting and after her mentioning three times, I finally said "you show up 45 minutes late first day of class so I thought you were a flake". She is pot smoker, working on a masters, bragged about how she slid by getting her bachelors, said she was glad she found me because she was afraid all these "kids" in the classes wouldn't take things seriously enough.
Given the short period of time, the fact she seems to put forth little effort before classes to have things printed, the right book, be logged onto the study site, etc, and how "attached" she seems to want to be to me, I am afraid this lazy person sees me as someone that will help her get through classes.
It's just weird how latched on she seems.
Any input? Sorry for the long post!



Densaugeo
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22 Jan 2011, 3:39 pm

If she doesn't do any actual work, she probably spends all her time socializing or something. Maybe she's being friendly with you because you're both older than the other students and she doesn't realize paying attention in class, etc. is an option.

Either way, I'd try to avoid doing any work with her. Or sitting next to her in class. If she's often late, try sitting in the front, etc..



XFilesGeek
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22 Jan 2011, 3:41 pm

She's a parasite. That is all.

I've had similiar things happen to me. I've come to the conclusion that these pushy, aggressive people will zero in on me because I'm quiet, polite, and bad with conflict. Thay can practically smell it in some weird "6th sense" kind of a way. They figure I'll be an easy person they can use for their own advantage because I won't just tell them off.

I really have no idea how you can make her go away, but I do recommend that you don't do her any "favors," such as helping her with projects or homework. She'll suck you dry and leave you blowing in the wind as a dried husk.


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Deinonychus
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22 Jan 2011, 4:02 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
She's a parasite. That is all.

I've had similiar things happen to me. I've come to the conclusion that these pushy, aggressive people will zero in on me because I'm quiet, polite, and bad with conflict. Thay can practically smell it in some weird "6th sense" kind of a way. They figure I'll be an easy person they can use for their own advantage because I won't just tell them off.

I really have no idea how you can make her go away, but I do recommend that you don't do her any "favors," such as helping her with projects or homework. She'll suck you dry and leave you blowing in the wind as a dried husk.


I so agree with the "6th sense" thing, agree with all you say. Have been sucked dry, gotten mad at times, but tried to be "nice".
Thanks both of you for the input. She was only late the first day, wouldn't be so awful, but I don't like her and she won't shut up during lectures. I am doubly afraid of telling her off for fear of getting reputation as last semester there was one woman who sat near me, partway through the semester she emailed me wanting me to meet her on Saturday to work on our papers. I had already told her once my weekends were my own (and how much I loved it), and sure didn't want to drag all I had for my paper elsewhere when home is so convenient, so told her I couldn't had too many things due and other plans. After that she was really sarcastic and insulting everyday I saw her, and one day after saying some snarky attack, I looked at her, made eye contact, and jeez, she scared me, so I sat elsewhere after that and it was big deal, several people asked me why I moved, and I told them I was tired of her snarky sarcastic comments and thought it better to move than tell her to kiss my ass. (not the smartest thing to say, but kind of glad now because I have no doubt it got back to her).



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22 Jan 2011, 5:01 pm

Sadly, I've had this scenario play out too many times for my liking. As others have said, she's a parasite. You're gonna need to be firm and set boundaries as quickly as possible. If you need to, tell her flat out that her behavior is unacceptable. If she keeps talking during class, tell her to please be quiet. If she still ignores your request, then move seats. As a last resort, you could try telling the professor about her and the situation you're in. Sometimes they can offer good advice or help accommodate you.



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22 Jan 2011, 5:04 pm

Keep being disinterested and aloof. She will eventually go away.



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22 Jan 2011, 5:21 pm

It feels so good to hear of others understanding this situation. Being so isolated in many ways makes me wonder if I am overreacting.
YES parasites, could write volumes on them.
I actually started stressing about her last night (what should I do?) when I was trying to go to sleep. Kind of dumb of me to need that to happen before I realize there actually is a problem!



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22 Jan 2011, 5:41 pm

She sounds like a mooch, avoid her. I've had people sorta glomp onto me like that as well because I do my work and other times because some disabled students (particularly moderate-mild autistic college students) seem to be comfortable around me.


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23 Jan 2011, 12:56 am

I would stay clear of this woman. She will probably cause you a lot of grief. I think she may expect you to talk to her just cause you are both mature. But if I was in your position and felt the need to write about it on here then it is already causing problems. It can only get worse in my experience.



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26 Jan 2011, 10:00 pm

Hi to all,
First, I want to say how comforting it was to get your responses on the situation I was in. I helped me feel less weird or wrong for thinking and feeling the way I did about this person. Feeling less weird about it helped me formulate a strategy, which was, if she comes to class unprepared again for all our classes on Monday, I was going to tell her that I needed a lab partner who was prepared, and didn't really want to sit next to her due to the distractions.
Miraculously, Monday, she was very prepared, printed out everything needed for classes, nice organization of material, had taken time.

Oh, but she did complain about wisdom teeth hurting (complained alot), was on her phone at one point said she was on facebook having her friends find her some Loratabs (controlled substance). Today claimed dentist gave her loratabs, swallowed two before class, and she had already taken some earlier. By evening class, so stoned, belligerent, told her to put her head down and sleep, etc etc etc

so, she has a drug problem (no 28 y/o who is not used to taking a controlled substance would be downing them the way she is). So, decided to do a search of her name, using maiden name. She got married a month ago, and had expressed great upset a few times that one of the teachers were using her maiden, rather than married, name. Hmmmm, seemed like not that big a deal, but after the drugs, well...

Tried for trafficking in 2009 a few counties away, convicted of lesser offense, served a month of 6 month sentence, remainder probated for 2 years. So she is still under probation period.

JEEZ, how do we become such freakin targets??????? And these people, these alleged NTs are running the world.
I would rather be me than any damned "normal" person I have ever met.



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26 Jan 2011, 10:29 pm

That mentality is not limited to nonautistic people. I've had a few autistic people with terrible boundaries latch onto me and it's been nothing but trouble. I had to learn to set firm limits and walk away to avoid getting walked all over. Autistic people can be very emotionally needy too and some (not all by any means) of those will latch onto you and drain you dry just the same as any nonautistic person of similar mentality. I attracted several after ending up in various "human interest" stories in the media. Some were just desperate and clueless, others were scary, and before anyone asks, yes they were genuinely autistic -- the abuse autistic people go through can cause some to be like that. I always felt bad cutting them off, because they all had reasons for being how they were... but I had to learn reasons were not excuses to treat another person like that and that letting them think they could get away with treating me or anyone like that was not a kindness to them or anyone they might cling to later. Not a kindness to them because if everyone excuses and enables their way of treating people they never get over it or learn to have real relationships rather than using people. Sometimes the only way they can learn is the hard way.


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Deinonychus
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26 Jan 2011, 10:33 pm

All of what you say is true, I guess I was letting off steam.
Gotta email the drug taking little thing and tell her she needs to find another seat and lab partner



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Deinonychus
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27 Jan 2011, 4:24 pm

Thought I would share the end of this situation.
I decided to email this woman to let her know that the lab partner/sitting together thing wasn't working because I found her distracting and there was too much drama, added that swallowing handfuls of loratabs at school was not really ok behavior as far as I was concerned.
Whew, it felt good, like throwing out a bag of garbage.
After I returned home and checked my email, she had fired off three in a row, angry, whining, insulting. Glad she let me know she read it!
Part of my desire to disassociate myself with her was that others around us commented after she left that she sure seemed stoned, etc. before class started she was quite unpleasant, during class she was positively snarly about someone behind us talking (funny considering how much she needed to yak), and after a bit of laying her head on the table during the lecture, left, obviously groggy, stoned etc. It frightened me she would be driving like that, told her to be careful, but I know from experience that these serious substance abusers can suck you in in that manner too, that you get concerned about them hurting others or themselves, and you can end up taking on responsibility for them or their actions.

Glad that mess over, glad I took a stand that quickly, not something I usually do when people latch on. Sad fact is, she is not even the first blonde woman from western KY who downed multiple loratabs that tried to be my new best friend. Jeez, I just want to take care of my needs and concentrate on my goals.



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27 Jan 2011, 4:29 pm

I hate people like that. Almost every semester I encounter someone like this. I used to let it slide but I eventually decided to speak with the professors and try to be unpaired, usually successfully.



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27 Jan 2011, 5:02 pm

Good job sticking up for yourself! :thumright:



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Deinonychus
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27 Jan 2011, 5:17 pm

thanks! I hope my story helps someone else, goodness knows, I feel great about it. I usually wait til I am at a breaking point or really pissed off before I say "enough is enough", this way is so much better; calmer, more in control.