normal to fluctuate socialy?

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sometimes i'm a complete wreck in social situations. i'm extremely nervous, can't concentrate on anything anyone's saying, i stutter when i do have to speak, etc. etc. etc.
but not always.
sometimes i'm quite confident (usually with people i know. like a support group i use to go to) and feel perfectly normal.

or sometimes i can hardly leave my apartment. i'm scared that someone will see me like a neighbor, and i'll have to say "hi" to them or whatever.
yet other times i can leave my apartment with absolutely no fear at all. if i do see someone, i'm perfectly okay saying hi and moving on. it's not a big deal.

just wondering if this is common?
sometimes i'm okay in social situations. . .most of the time i'm a wreck. up and down.

Last edited by twitching77 on 02 Feb 2011, 6:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

Check out the discussion here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/posts150269-start30.html

The short answer is yes, autistic people's skills can fluctuate.

thanks for the link.

i guess i should be more specific on my "normal" lol.
i'm never quite normal, no matter how good of a day i'm having in a social situation.
even on the best days, i still have to force/fake laugh to other people's humor, and i still have to focus hard to understand everything that's being said.

and when i meet strangers and have to say hi to them, or thank them (like a cashier at a store). . .even on my best days, i still feel a bit off. sometimes i wonder if i'm suppose to say more then just "hi". . .(lol i have a hard time determining if people want to talk to me or not sometimes. makes for many awkward silences! hehe), and i'm almost always at least a little suspicious about the person (if it's a stranger). . .not being able to tell if they dislike me (completely irrational i know).

it's just that most the time i go out of my way to avoid social situations because it's just too much for me.
but sometimes i can actually be in social situations, and feel relatively "safe", like i can do it without falling completely apart.

was just wondering if this is normal, or if it's more common to "always" be a complete wreck in social situations.

Last edited by twitching77 on 02 Feb 2011, 6:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

It definitely varies here. When I'm in the right mood, it seems like the sky is the limit. But much of the time I get a strong feeling that I'm just not ready for the challenges.....in that state I tend to keep myself to myself, and if I have to be part of a social situation then I'll just minimise everything, I'll keep quiet and patiently wait till it's over.

I don't know what causes the right mood. It's probably related to how socially confident I happen to feel, and that can usually be traced to receiving encouraging feedback from others about how they feel about my presence....if I don't get that, I tend to feel reluctant to go out on a limb making invitational overtures to people who don't seem interested in me. In a word, it's about attention - if I don't get any (of the positive kind), I'm probably wasting my time with that particular person or group, but if they do give me attention, that encourages me to take more risks and come out of my shell. There's probably also a social fatigue element, but I rarely notice that as such.

I have fluctuations too. Mostly related to familiarity - going into a new situation I am a total wreck, but if I return, I am much better able to cope. Not perfectly, of course. Other things can tip things either way.

I mean, even talking to my family. Some days I can manage all kinds of conversations, other days I can barely say two words. There's not a lot of rhyme or reason to it.

Also, my ability to socialize is inversely proportional to how many people are involved in the conversation. One on one I can probably go on for hours, even two other people I can manage. Three or more people and I just get quiet, and sometimes socially shut down and look for someplace private to recharge.

Attention has a lot to do with it, and if someone freezes me out of a conversation (which happens all too frequently), I'm done.

It varies with my self. For example: I can have a fruitful conversation , and make some good points and even laugh and make them laugh; the next encounter I'm trying to avoid this..... I don't feel up to the task.

I can be walking in a shopping mall , and purposely avoid someone I know as I spot them before it's mutual. I took the second floor immediately.

I know or feel when the setting is right and I know in this "context" to move on as my mental and emotional abilities vary. When I do stay people seem taken aback at my different self. Interestingly, I recently told a friend of what I believe of myself, and he said,"Hmmm...... and I thought you were bipolar."

I thought .

Last edited by Mdyar on 08 Feb 2011, 4:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do that too. Meeting like that is too damned sudden, so even if I really like the other person, I'd rather not risk making a mess of the social chit-chat thing, if I'm in the wrong mood. I sometimes compromise - I'll pretend not to have seen them, but continue walking towards them while using the time to dig out a suitable script. Then when we greet each other, I'll act like I'm (pleasantly) surprised to see them. Sneaky, but effective and harmless.

I guess I should have read this thread first before I posted mine lol.

I'm pretty much the same way I think, but for the most part I'm a nervous wreck in public. Never used to be that way either. I used to enjoy going out and doing things in public. Now it scares the living crap out of me 95% of the time. I'm fine up until I start getting closer to town. The closer I get to my destination, the more nervous I become. Once I leave wherever I just was and get in my car its almost like I'm out of breath or something *shrugs*