still in denial

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I was diagnosed with AS around 12 or so and didn't really think much of it at the time, figuring it was just another one of those things like ADD that nearly all kids who have trouble with school get labeled with and doesn't really mean much of anything. Though I did notice one thing in common amongst all the other aspies I met with; they were non-jackasses, an exceedingly rare trait amongst adolescents and apparently one deserving of a "disorder", lol.

Years later, after finding out it's connections to autism and reading up about it I felt further insulted at being given this label. It's true that I may display symptoms of AS but as far as I can tell, most of the symptoms tend to be traits of almost all socially withdrawn people. Just because I am an introvert doesn't mean I was born that way or that it was due to any disability or whatever you want to call it. I would say I became a misanthrope at a very young age (about 11) and that was what lead to me being a loner and developing most of my AS traits, which I don't really recall having beforehand.


Specifics:

Lack of eye contact: Yes I definitely have this but I'm pretty sure this tends to be the case with most introverts, AS or not.

Sensory issues: I've always had some minor problems with the feel of clothes and such (but not so much I couldn't wear them). Never had any problem with lights or sounds.

Rudeness: Yes, I can be pretty rude but I'm perfectly aware of it when I am and I just don't care. People I know may think I'm not aware of it because they know I'm not a mean spirited person, but even so, I have no respect for a number of rules of etiquette because I find them oppressive.

Limited interests: Okay so I would appear to be concerned with little outside of the realm of videogames and cartoons. I would not consider that as limiting however, quite the opposite, rather I have interest in all things that are able to take us beyond the confines of reality and open up infinite possibilities. To me, a normal "well rounded" interest in activities grounded in reality (eg. sports, dancing, etc.) seems unbearably dull and limited.

General lack of social skills: This is a bit complicated. Yes I lack traditional social skills, but since I became a loner I never really made an attempt at developing them in the first place. In fact, due to my love for all things abnormal, I have always detested the concept of normal social skills and it's part of what lead me to such misanthropy. because of this I would only hang around with people who had abnormal social skills, many of whom probably had AS, so what little skills rubbed off on me was gleamed from them.

Lack of emotion: This is one that definitely only became present AFTER becoming a loner. As a little kid I was very emotive, as an adolescent/adult, complete deadpan.

Lack of understanding of body language: I would say I have a decent understanding of body language but just don't look for it much. My own body language is most likely horribly broken however.


Further insulting. If I do indeed have AS, I am what would be considered a "low-functioning" aspie due to never having employment or relationships, even though, much like normal social skills, I never even made any attempt to acquire those things in the first place.

So yeah, I'm still not convinced of my AS. I've looked at other mental disorders such as schizoid and schizophrenia and I feel that those are more in line with the way I have developed. Even so, I hope you don't mind me hanging around here where I can relate to people a bit more and don't have to deal with insufferable NTs.

Well, you could do a couple of things. One is easy. You could scroll up on the list in this forum and see if taking any of the online tests listed in the "Set of scientific tests related to Autism Spectrum Disorders" in the top thread help clarify things for you. The other is that you can seek a new professional opinion. Someone else here posted that he wanted to do that and why, so you wouldn't be the first. It's okay. Self-understanding is a valuable thing. Just be honest with yourself and others, and I'm sure you can work this out. I'd also ask, however, that you honestly and seriously question whether or not any negative views of yourself or Asperger's have caused you to reject your diagnosis, rather than inappropriateness of the diagnosis. I'm not saying you have to think that's the case. I'm just saying it's a fair question.

I think it's good for you to not to accept the diagnosis without thought. Questioning things is good, and I think your reasons for questioning this are sound. You seem very smart and self-aware, so I'm confident you'll be able to work this out. I support your efforts and wish you luck!

First, lack of emotion isn't a trait, its not displaying emotion property or not understanding emotions properly. Second, being overly polite can be just as much of a trait as accidental rudeness as they both stem from the same problem; not knowing what is socially acceptable or not knowing the proper why to react in a social situation. However, ignoring rules of etiquette can be an aspie trait for a different reason; not understanding the value in social conventions. Third, sensory issues are varied, the issues are different for everyone, and technically it not part of the diagnosis criteria. Fourth, how do you know you have a decent understanding of body language?

Thanks for the attempts at help and whatnot. The problem I have with those online tests is I feel like a lot of the questions are essentially just asking "are you an introvert? yes or no". Yes I'm an introvert, but there are actual reasons for that rather than just being born that way. I question my diagnosis because I see little evidence of being born the way I am while I see a great deal of evidence showing that it was due to my development, things that the professionals likely didn't consider. It's not because of having a negative view of myself or AS, but because of my negative view of society that I question.

I have thought of getting a 2nd opinion, but I'm not sure it would be worth all the money and effort considering this is not really something that's causing me a great deal of grief. So I figured I just vent about it here instead.

And crap, you're right about lack of emotion not being a symptom. That was a symptom of Schizoid (which I believe I may have), got that one confused.

I'm not exactly sure how to explain my understanding of body language (explanations are more of a weakness for me than understanding), so I'll just suffice to say that I can easily tell that your avatar is not alright without reading it. lol

Your post sounds just like something my husband wrote to the psychologist last week, when he said Fior has Aspergers, and he has to test how bad it is... Anyway,

Most introverts do have decent eye contact. I have friends who aren't "Ms. Swing From the Ceilings at Parties", and they all have decent eye contact. My psychiatrist considers himself an introvert, and he has better eye contact than me, a very extroverted NT. Being an introvert does not equal hermit, someone with GAD, loner or any other emotional pathology.

Being rude, well, Fior gets on his soap box all the time about this issue. It's all about the Great Conspiracy Theory of the "Them", and how he will not be oppressed by "Them" and their rules. For Fior (not saying this is you), this is all bluster and bark. He has no clue about social convention, and has learned to watch me and quickly mimic.

Sensory issues, Fior out does you for noise, light, sound and touch. Today I had to wash his clothes again because they didn't "feel right" and he was in melt down mode.

Fior does have limited interest, and makes it perfectly known his hate for the "mundane". That is code for if it involves interaction with another human, I'm not doing it. Fior loves his computer, porn and political news shows. He can give a two hour monologue about some despot in an obscure third world hell hole. I finally asked him what does he get out of these grim, craptastic news stories? He has no family there. He wouldn't go down as a volunteer with a charity group. He's not doing anything to prove a point, but just spouting off facts to people that really don't give a rat's tuckus. Fior looked at me like I had two heads. He had no answer except thinking about odd things makes him feel better.

I hate to tell you, a psychiatrist would view, never having a job for an able bodied, normal IQ'd person=some type of pathology. Same with no relationships and no social skills. Also there are schizophrenics that work, have families and friends. For some odd reason people equate schizophrenia with the dude curled up in the corner, mumbling to himself. That is one part of the disease.

If I had my choice between ASD and any form of Schizophrenia, I'd pick ASD in a heart beat. Schizophrenia is consider the bottom rung of the mental illness diagnoses. If you think you are treated like trash now with an ASD, try Schizophrenia. Employers MIGHT cut you slack with an ASD diagnosis. No one will hire a Schizophrenic unless you can really pass as "normal". I know psychiatrists that will not treat Schizophrenic patients because they are considered high maintenance. Roll into an ER and say you have Aspergers, the staff might think "kook".
Say you have Schizophrenia, and that same staff is making sure the Haldol, Benadryl and Ativan is within handy reach, and same with the leather restraints. Act up with Aspergers, the staff will probably humor you if the actions aren't too outrageous. Schizophrenia the same actions will get you the above injection and security manhandling you with the leathers.

Have you tried a trial of an antipsychotic to see if it helps at all? If being AS upset me as much as it seems to upset you, I'd give it a try. What is it about Autism that makes you this angry? (because Asperger is heading the way of the Dinosaur with the DSM V) You know that Schizoid personality is being phased out too, and will be lumped in with Schizophrenia. Much to my Schizoaffective friends' displeasure.

Have you looked into PDD-NOS to see if it fits you better? Here is a link between Autism and PDD-NOS

http://www.bbbautism.com/diagnostics_psychobabble.htm

I hope you find some peace soon. Frustration and anger is hard on the soul.

I think you may have the wrong impression of how "upset" I am. I'm really not that upset at all. This is basically just me introducing myself and putting it out on the table that I'm skeptical of having AS. And this Fior, whoever he is, sounds like my kind of dude. Give him my regards.

Also I took the AQ test and only got a 19, which is fairly normal, yet I'd wager that in real life I'd probably come across as less normal than most people here.

Why is this? Are they not going to acknowledge it at all, or is it just that they're putting it together with autism generally, as a form of it? (Sorry for the aside, but I had to ask for clarification.)

The current triceratops of different autism spectrum disorders will be merged into the future tyrannousaur of Autism Spectrum Disorder and the tyrannosaur will terrorize and devour the velociraptors.

Oooooh! Do we get to watch?