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Argentina
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04 Feb 2011, 9:28 am

My husband has described a work situation that is going on for him and I honestly don't know how to help him.
He is not yet had a confirmed diagnosis of Aspergers and is still considering his options in regard to pursuing this.

My husband is a disability care worker and works alongside another carer in domestic situation. So communication and socialising between themselves and their clients is a normal part of their daily duties.
He has told me that a couple of months ago he met with his supervisor who told him that she had had a complaint from staff that he is too loud and too talkative and brings up non-related subjects (I imagine she would be referring to his special interests). In fact she complained that it was so bad, she had to take a Paracetamol. My husband does not know if this complaint has come from only one staff member or multiple staff members. However, he said he has really tried to lower his voice and talk less, however his Supervisor had to raise the issue with him again a couple of weeks ago.
My husband says now his only option is to retreat into himself and say nothing or resign from his job. he is feeling very angry and hurt. In all other respects he has a very good work record. This particular job he only commenced a year ago, but he worked as a care worker for 10+ years before that elsewhere and has an exemplary record with them.

Is this type of issue common for aspergers individuals? I don't know if I am dealing with a man with aspergers and/or severe depression?



BTDT
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04 Feb 2011, 2:28 pm

No, I wouldn't say that this is typical--you may want to keep an open mind to other possibilities.

More typically, we have developmental issues in socializing that would preclude such jobs. As such, we have problems from the very beginning--not after years of work.



wavefreak58
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04 Feb 2011, 3:30 pm

What country or you in? In the USA, a formal diagnosis of Asperger's gives him certain rights under the American's with Disabilities Act. Since he is working for an agency that serves the disabled, they should be especially sensitive to the ADA. How would it look for a business that serves the disabled to treat a disabled employee badly?


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Argentina
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04 Feb 2011, 5:54 pm

We are in Australia. So absolutely the legislation is there to protect him in this situation.
Fortunately he has another job working on a production line which he seems to enjoy. He started talking about leaving the disability care industry six or so months ago.
I know my husband is really upset about what has been said about him at work. From speaking with him, he honestly does not know why someone would do this to him. As he said to me "I was just trying to keep conversation going in a friendly manner".
The irony of all this being "he is working in disability industry and probably has a disability himself"



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04 Feb 2011, 11:21 pm

It might be a load of b******s that someone is stirring up because they don't like him. I know some very loud people, one of which is an aspie and believe me neither of them have been bad enough to make take paracetemol. As long as your husband is aware of the (alleged) problem and making an effort to address it then he should take no notice. No doubt the offended individual is some busybody that spends their days firmly up a certain part of the supervisor's anatomy



Argentina
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05 Feb 2011, 1:02 am

Hi,
He has provided further detail to me about exactly what is going on. I really had to coax this information out of him and explain that I was actually trying to help. He often does not understand why I want to know things about him or what is gonig on in his life.

He tells me that she disagrees with everything he says and is very opinionated. Apparently my husband was talking to her about a film (this is one of my husband's special interests) Film based on a true story about a drug trafficker who went to prison in Thailand. Anyway my husband was saying to this lady that he felt the drug trafficker had paid a high enough price for his crime. However, this lady disagreed and was quite vocal about her feelings on this. At other times she can be quite dismissive of him.

This is exactly how my husband was treated by his mother through all the years that he was growing up and he has heard time and time again throughout his life that "he talks too much". I know that when my husband gets speaking about his "special interests" he is very passionate about them and he comes across quite intimidating and arrogant if you are a person who challenges him on a particular point during his talking.

My husband has worked with men all his life and only at this new job is he working with women. I suspect that as his subjects are more male oriented then it has not posed so much of a problem in the workplace. Also I think males are much more prone to humerous banter etc than females and probably would cope with my husbands personality a lot better than females. He can appear quite sexist too. I mean he walks around the house and will call me "b***h" or "p****" (yes....can you believe that one!). He does not mean it as an insult, just drops it into normal conversation (usually when he is quite happy). He just thinks it is really funny not insulting. I don't think he would be calling his female colleagues these sorts of things. he would realise that is not appropriate.

Unfortunately, I know my husband will not let this issue drop about this woman. To this day, I still hear about a woman from his previously employment 15 years ago and how she tried to get him fired. He swears he wants revenge one day. He says he is happy harbouring these ongoing thoughts about people that treated him badly. He says he would not like to forget or forgive these people because that is how he protects himself from all the other "imposters" in the world.



bucephalus
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05 Feb 2011, 1:46 am

Argentina wrote:
Hi,
He has provided further detail to me about exactly what is going on. I really had to coax this information out of him and explain that I was actually trying to help. He often does not understand why I want to know things about him or what is gonig on in his life.

He tells me that she disagrees with everything he says and is very opinionated. Apparently my husband was talking to her about a film (this is one of my husband's special interests) Film based on a true story about a drug trafficker who went to prison in Thailand. Anyway my husband was saying to this lady that he felt the drug trafficker had paid a high enough price for his crime. However, this lady disagreed and was quite vocal about her feelings on this. At other times she can be quite dismissive of him.

This is exactly how my husband was treated by his mother through all the years that he was growing up and he has heard time and time again throughout his life that "he talks too much". I know that when my husband gets speaking about his "special interests" he is very passionate about them and he comes across quite intimidating and arrogant if you are a person who challenges him on a particular point during his talking.

My husband has worked with men all his life and only at this new job is he working with women. I suspect that as his subjects are more male oriented then it has not posed so much of a problem in the workplace. Also I think males are much more prone to humerous banter etc than females and probably would cope with my husbands personality a lot better than females. He can appear quite sexist too. I mean he walks around the house and will call me "b***h" or "p****" (yes....can you believe that one!). He does not mean it as an insult, just drops it into normal conversation (usually when he is quite happy). He just thinks it is really funny not insulting. I don't think he would be calling his female colleagues these sorts of things. he would realise that is not appropriate.

Unfortunately, I know my husband will not let this issue drop about this woman. To this day, I still hear about a woman from his previously employment 15 years ago and how she tried to get him fired. He swears he wants revenge one day. He says he is happy harbouring these ongoing thoughts about people that treated him badly. He says he would not like to forget or forgive these people because that is how he protects himself from all the other "imposters" in the world.


I'm curious to know what p**** means, anyhow i digress. It's a tricky one. Maybe he should try and keep the conversations light when in the workplace and ultimately be prepared to agree to disagree no matter how passionate the topic. Maybe you could have a word with the supervisior just to see the other side of the story and explain that what could be merely malicious gossip is in fact causing him distress. I still have a hunch that if he has had an exemplary record in the field over ten years then the problem is with the collegues and not your husband. Also he really needs to drop the thoughts of revenge over something that happened 15 yrs ago. It's of no benefit to anyone



Argentina
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05 Feb 2011, 2:50 am

the P**** in my text is the other word for cat.



bucephalus
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05 Feb 2011, 3:20 am

Argentina wrote:
the P**** in my text is the other word for cat.


whoops should have thought of that :roll: As much a lad's lad as i am i hate hearing that word. [edit] wussy is better



BTDT
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06 Feb 2011, 7:50 am

In the USA female workers are protected against sexual harassment--could this be the concern of the supervisor?

It sounds to me like he might benefit from some professional help--whatever it is, it does seem to be endangering his job.