Capable of hatred?

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What got me to start serious self-discovery and find this forum and learn more about AS was an event a few weeks ago where someone I trusted and respected a great deal back-stabbed me very badly, stopping my career dead in its tracks.

In spite of that, I have no bad feelings toward that person and have this powerful desire to simply make things right and get on with my life. In my whole life I have never held a grudge and in the past few days I have come to realise that I am not capable of hatred, even where logic would suggest that it might be appropriate.

Do you find yourself incapable of hatred or grudges? Is this an AS thing or some other component of my personality?

I'm certainly capable of hatred and grudges. I can think of many examples.

Still, I am also capable of being unusually forgiving too. If someone asks for forgiveness, I tend to believe them a little too easily. I generally do my best to deal with people honestly, and have a very difficult time remembering that other people can be different. Maybe this is a bit of the reason that I try to keep people at a distance from me. I have been disappointed by people too many times, but still there is a part of me that is too trusting.

I'm capable of hatred and grudges. Easily.

I'm the polar opposite. I have a lot of bottled-up anger and hatred, even though I tend not to act upon it. I have a great deal of resentment toward people who have bigoted worldviews, or who are just completely unpleasant people in general.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

It hasn't always been that way. I've held my grudges against many people on and offline. As soon as I was able to let go of my last grudge which was against someone here ironically, I was able to start being myself again.

I think I don't hate anyone, just dislike & don't want to deal with them. I'm not sure if this is due to being incapable of hatred, not having met anyone worth hating, or not being able to tell the emotion.

Hatred takes too much energy for me. For some reason, in me at least, such intensely negative feelings need to be actively nurtured and reinforced. I have to choose to do that. It's easier to just let those feelings wither and die.

I'm too forgetful to be particularly hateful or hold grudges for a long time. I used to get into arguments with my dad and I'd always go to bed telling myself that I'd never forgive him. This time's the last time! But then in the morning, I'd have forgotten why I was so upset in the first place.

That said... I will tend to avoid certain people or situations if I've had a bad experience. I do remember, but my solution is avoidance.

When someone backstabs me, deceives me or betrays me in any way, it takes me a long time to forget it. If they offer me a sincere apology for it, fine. I will forgive them but, depending on the issue, I may or may not rekindle the friendship. If I get no apology whatsoever, I don't forgive them and I tend to ex-communicate them.

Doesn't hatred require a fairly good theory of mind? I don't feel hated by others because I can't infer what they are feeling. I can't hate something or someone that I have no emotional connection to.

I feel loved only by those that are very close to me and only because I've been around them for so long I have gained some sense of their feelings towards me.

I think this is one reason I am so continually surprised by other people's actions. They do things that are motivated by feelings that are not at all apparent to me. There a lot of "WTF was that all about?" in my life.

I hate to say it, but I hold grudges for years, even decades, after the fact. I just can't let them go, which is actually a part of AS.

Am I capable of hatred? No doubt, I can be incredibly hateful towards just about anyone, which I am not proud of in the least. Like a lot of people here, my childhood was fraught with rejection, being bullied, paternal abuse, and being poorly treated. I also have absolutely no trust for anyone, not even most of my family. I have no idea who I can trust, so I only give one chance for people to prove themselves trustworthy before I start thinking about how they might hurt me.

Is a bad childhood an excuse for this? No. But it's still there, and I have no idea how to get rid of this malice or how to "just let go".

To wavefreak58; Hatred doesn't require actual TOM skills; if you can imagine someone else's animosity towards you, whether it's real or just in your head, you can hate. Like with me, a ton of my hate comes from fear of others. I never know their intentions, so I just imagine what bad things they might do to me, then I feel scared and feel powerless, and then the hateful thoughts start pouring in.

It's a sad way to live.

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Battle Angel Alita