Why the beatings or rapes disfigure the personality of some

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... people?


I suffered sexual abuse in childhood and have not been marked.
Should traumatized my past?

I do not recall ever being sexually abused, but I have been told part of me today is derived from childhood beatings.

Absurd. I do not understand the workings of your mind

Some of whatever I am was -- many scars were -- beaten into me ...

Does that make some sense?

No.

Please forgive my inability to communicate well here ...

My own personality was not disfigured by sexual abuse, yet it does bear some scars from childhood beatings ... and that happens to people at least partly because we are both needy (in nurturing ways) and vulnerable.

Any innate self-worth or confidence I might have had as a child was pretty much drummed out of me by an overly-critical father.
Not directly through beatings (although I was beaten for various childhood crimes & misdemeanours), but through the constant pressure of being called a failure, useless, waste of space, having my special interests dismissed as worthless etc.

For this to be inflicted on a child's mind at the time when it should be encouraged to grow, explore, and develop feelings of self-worth and confidence will cause a negative and introspective pattern of behaviour to become adopted, and that pattern will (and did, actually) cause many problems for that child later in life as an adult.

So although this wasn't sexual abuse or beatings (in the cruel 'beating for beating's sake' sense), it's every bit as capable of emotionally crippling someone, and I would think that anyone being subjected to similar treatments while young wouldn't be able to develop without some detrimental result on their later behaviour.

You seem to be saying that this isn't the case for you, and you're wondering how it could be the case for others?
Apologies; I may be misunderstanding exactly what it is you're asking.

It's hard to say how events will affect people. Some people are naturally more resilient. Having someone to help you through it all is helpful too. Ultimately, we are all different, and how we react is shaped by biology, our personal history, and the others in our lives.

I personally grew up with a father who committed random acts of violence against me, physical and verbal. If I had been less sensitive, maybe these acts would have had less effect on me. If I had one person who could have told me that these acts were due to his flaws, not mine, it would probably have been less crazy-making. Maybe, if I had a mother who was capable of offering comfort, it might have been less damaging. I do not know for sure.

Last edited by Yensid on 12 Feb 2011, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, nothing quite so serious for me, everybody I asked seemed to agree what happened to me was no big deal and I should have no problems and as adults I trusted them to know more about the subject than I did.

But even despite that if anything reminds me of that time or if there's some of the elements from then in a situation I know I act differently. I know I get more antagonistic, even downright hostile over little things that don't really matter. Like if I have to go to a church for a confirmation after that's done with I'll still be more likely to pick fights over stupid things like forgetting where the car is parked and explode on them for something I don't even care about. I know rationally just because someone reminds me of it doesn't mean it's their fault, I shouldn't pick fights with them or treat them like crap. But it's like there's this little primitive animal part of me that puts me straight into "fight, flight, or go away in your head and only come back when it's over" mode even if no attack is imminent. I also know I find it very hard to trust people, I was a much more trusting and open person before.

To me that's what it means when people say that even though there's no physical marks, it leaves a mark on your personality. Parts of you change so you can better survive. Even when what you needed to survive isn't there any more, they stay changed and your brain is starts using those changed parts when it feels stressed but not in life threatening danger.

Yes, yes, I can definitely identify. And as lonely as some of my alienations can be, the "safety" of even self-isolation can at times still be preferable.

I don't understand the question. Are you asking why does it effect other people but it didn't effect you?

yes.

It doesn't affect everyone equally. Some get PTSD, some get DID, some get DD, some get other things, some get nothing at all.

Denial is a powerful thing.

What you are today is the sum total of all of your experiences. Your sexual abuse marked you. Just as surely as winning an important award marks you.

Then you were lucky. I can say the same about myself too. Why am I not effected by bullying, why am I not effected by the abuse I experienced?

Why does it effected others? I don't know either. I have always wondered the same so I have came up with speculations why.

I look back and see I was slightly effected by the abuse because I started doing the same things to my brother that was done to me. I enjoyed locking him in the bathroom because that was done to me. Then I got over it so I quit doing it. My parents kept punishing me every time I did it. Also it only lasted two months when it was done to me because that was how long mom had her before she fired her. Also after she got rid of her, I was back to normal except I kept locking my brother in the bathroom. But sadly my brother was left in fear of the dark because she lock him in the dark bathroom too (it had no windows) and then I would do it to him. Also I was old enough to know what was going on, I knew the bathroom was the time out when the nanny is over and I knew how to turn on the light when she put me in there. But my little brother was too young to know and he didn't know how to turn on the light. So he developed phobia of the dark and it took him a few years to get over it after he found out at age seven why he was so scared of the dark.

The bullying, it took me till high school to get over it once I started to take responsibility and quit playing the victim. Okay I bullied too, it doesn't matter if I thought then that's what I was supposed to be doing or did it because I thought others would like me and think I am just as good as them and not think I am stupid. Some things I did that caused the bullying, my fault. I should have tried harder. Even back then mom was telling me don't do this or that and kids won't make fun of me or run from me. Even back then I couldn't figure out why I was getting picked on. Now it makes sense when I look back.


Who knows, maybe some of my personality evolves from my childhood and how I was raised. I wonder if it's possible to be effected by something and not even know it?

This reminds me of a rape thread I made in the Adult Autism issues...that did NOT go well, it was locked in the end. In the thread I was saying how I could not imagine how I would be emotionally traumatized and other members accused me of approving rape (that was weird).

But the thing is that it is different for different people and some consequences may only pop up many years later.