How do NT's do that?

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Just came back from week #2 of my sign language classes.

Week #1 - the person I was paired with ended up going to the pub with the person the other side of them.
Week #2 - several of the other people in class were exchanging numbers and adding each other on Facebook.

Generally it's the fact they seem to instantly get along with each other, and have some sort of connection where a friendship can grow, they exchange numbers and details so quickly, and most of them have become friendly with each other to a point where they can hang-out on breaks, where as I'm left out. I'm good these days in that I will at least try to talk to others, although it is a bit of a strain as my way of talking to others is a little flirty and a little mean in a light-hearted way, this seems to work well although but I have to be careful not to be too familiar with new people I meet. Yet, I still don't get how NT's seem to get this connection going, this ability to make friends so easily, to hang-out with each other. Any insight?

On a different note, just felt like sharing; I mentioned to the person I was paired with in class today that I'm an aspie ('it's like autism'), just in passing, then the women next to him referred to his attempt at drawing as 'very autistic' (rather than 'very artistic'). Then to make the day even better on my way home someone at the local store asked me what course I was doing at college and I didn't want to tell him so I said 'STUFF' - one of many examples of how I come across as strange, anti-social and rude to others. UGH!

I really don't know how people do it but there are some people who just knows people and they just suddenly click just like that and I'm actually one of those people who can just click just like that with anyone.

For some, they take time before they get to know the person (which personally I would prefer best) I tend to last longer with friends like that.

It always baffles me to no end. It takes me weeks to form a lasting friendship, if one forms at all. Making good friends within a week or two is way outta my league. I find it easier to deal with people when they are by themselves, so once they start bunching off into groups, I'm left in the dust.

(It's like a race against time and hoping that at least someone'll be feeling as lost as I am. )

And yeah... I'd be careful saying that you're an aspie until you get to know the person fairly well. They either won't understand or will have some bias. You might run into the rare person who actually does understand, but it'll probably be the minority.

As for sounding rude by accident, I fear I probably do that all the time. xD There are times when I wish I was just a little bit less self-aware of my social mishaps.

People like others who are similar, and therefore they click.

I'm of the mind that I should be able to say it as if it's not a big deal...because it's not a big deal, I'd rather treat it as very matter of fact rather than not mention it as if it were something to hide. Although granted in this case I didn't think it through, I mentioned I didn't learn English until I was quite old, which in turn kinda required me to explain why that was.

They're NTs, and that's what NTs do.

Yeah, you have a good point. It sounds like you were on topic and clearly had a reason for saying so. It's a pity that it didn't go over so well. (Not sure what her "autistic" comment is all about... sounds more than a bit strange)

If I could answer that question I wouldn't be here.

People have told me that the way to make friends is to do things: take night classes, go to the gym, volunteer, etc. I have tried that, and got absolutely nothing.

Exactly, I am taking night classes, I can go join clubs, but alas being aspie that does very little.

Oh, this. Yes, I keep wondering what the heck's going on.

I had easy ins to socializing and friendship in my 20s, and I have another one now, although both are related to being somewhat vocal about particular special interests, but even with these ins and even making friends* (in a very few cases, lasting friendships), there are so many dimensions I didn't and still don't understand, and things that I missed all along.

When I had a freelance writing career, I had friends who sort of networked on my behalf, which I did not realize how much of a help it was until I found myself being left in the dust when my friends in similar positions to myself were getting opportunities and I had no idea what was going on (and was not getting the same opportunities).

I feel like the more I learn about AS and specifically my own AS, the less I realize I actually know about socializing.

I also do the light-hearted meanness, but I do not know how to flirt, nor how to recognize flirting (double entendres fail on me all the time). I apparently come across as flirty sometimes, but I never intend to.

When I did try to be flirty, it was a terrible mistake.

* This may make me sound like I'm really social - I'm not. I know a lot of people on the internet. I've met a few face to face. I tend to get along okay with most people I know online, but I don't really think I'd go out of my way to meet most of them. If I'm lucky I see someone I know outside my family once a month. More likely it's once every 3-6 months.

Last edited by Verdandi on 15 Feb 2011, 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to have friends but they were vestigal friends from HS that petered out several years later. I made two friends around age 24 but didnt maintain them and havent had any sort of friendships in 15+ years. I dont really have any interest.

Whoever I'm dating is my friend. That's it.

Someone at work once said to me, "I thought we were going to hang out some time". I replied, "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to give you that impression. That's not my thing". I can be friendly. People sometimes mistake that for wanting to be their friend in a life-sharing kind of way.

WOW! I can relate to every post here! As usual LOL! I also find it odd NT's just "click." I once heard some guys talking about videogames and I blurted "I like Mario." and got weird stares. There's still a stigma with girls and videogames I believe. A girl who plays/likes videogames OMG! Also I've tried work/college etc. and NOTHING! So so much for that therapy advice. In each of my classes I've mention AS/Autism itself in some form (mentioning my AS at times) and everyone doesn't care which is fine by me. When I made an observation on a character in a story being on the spectrum someone commented they liked my take on the character since they've dealt with kids all over the spectrum. (I emailed him mentioning my AS and my observation on the character.) I'm also writing a paper entitiled Aspie for my Philosophy class. I'm not sure if I'd come out and announce it in class itself.

They have superpowers.

Why didn't you want to say what you were doing at college? It seems like a harmless question to me.

Not sure, he's a proper student (one of those full time university students), where as I'm just doing one part-time course, and he might have follow-up questions or think I'm old (don't ask me why that bothers me)...I really don't know, I just seem to get very secretive and defensive.

I find myself often saying things I can't really explain later. It seems to be somewhat common.