What's it like being a socially confident NT?

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Joe90
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24 Feb 2011, 4:02 pm

This is probably what people born without arms think of people with arms. They probably think, ''what's it like to be able to actually have arms?''
Same thing with most Aspies. I look at some confident NTs who think nothing of dressing up and getting ready to go out to a big party on a Saturday night, and I think, ''what is that like? How do they do it?''
On facebook I've watched my 18 year old cousin's videos of her and her mates getting ready at her house, for a big sociable party, and none of them look nervous or reluctant to go. If I was there getting ready, I'd be feeling so bewildered and nervous of attending this party.

I've just always wondered what it's like to just be able to be the type of NT who gives off cool vibes all the time, and everybody respects them and no teenagers shout stupid things at them in the street, and they can hold a permanent cocky, confident expression all the time. How I envy those types of NTs!
What's it like to enter a shopping centre and not be bothered by all the crowds and the noisy toddlers screaming? What's it like to be able to block them out, and not be bothered if people stand right near you in shops? What's it like to just be able to naturally keep your cool all the time?
(Those are just rhetorical questions - I'm not exactly expecting any answers, I am just wondering if anyone feels the same when you look at the really confident couldn't-care-less types of NTs).

I think it is normal to sit and wonder what it's like to have something you haven't got.


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Sulzer
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24 Feb 2011, 4:17 pm

Im always wondering that too. My big sister is always going out with her friends. I was really p'd of once when I was working on my model railway with my dad, he said something to her, and then she looked at me and said "It's called sociallizing Calum" in a sarcastic voice. I really hate it when people say things like that to me.



wavefreak58
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24 Feb 2011, 4:19 pm

What's really weird is that I much of the time don't even know that I'm missing something.

I have no arms, and arms are so foreign to my mind that I'm not even sure what the hell they are and what they are used for.


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CockneyRebel
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24 Feb 2011, 5:24 pm

I don't know. I only know what it's like to be a socially confident aspie.


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Mindslave
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24 Feb 2011, 5:58 pm

There was a brief period of time that I was like that. You know what it means?

If you stop being cool for too long, you get left behind. Once you are no longer in style, it's hard to get back in with the group, because it's all about the group and the status attached to it. You aren't you anymore, you are like a gang member almost, and it becomes so easy to talk to people, because it doesn't matter if you mess up. THEY don't matter. Only being part of your group matters, because that's all you have.



pensieve
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24 Feb 2011, 6:47 pm

Mindslave wrote:
There was a brief period of time that I was like that. You know what it means?

If you stop being cool for too long, you get left behind. Once you are no longer in style, it's hard to get back in with the group, because it's all about the group and the status attached to it. You aren't you anymore, you are like a gang member almost, and it becomes so easy to talk to people, because it doesn't matter if you mess up. THEY don't matter. Only being part of your group matters, because that's all you have.


I can sort of agree. For years I was getting into different groups of friends. Because it was the music scene it was pretty easy to be accepted. We all looked the same but for me it was a lot harder. These people could just chat for a whole day and party 5 times a week. My old group of friends are right now preparing to go to about 3 festivals which have the same lineup, just in different cities. They've booked flights and motels and have even arranged after parties. God it sounds so tiring. I made an attempt to got to one festival and one after party but I was so exhausted from the festival which I didn't even stay at for the whole duration of the event, that I just went home in a bad mood.
Then when it came to their parties I truly felt left out. So I drank too much, puked and felt like crap the next day, both physically and emotionally. And I never went back to them.

It's a lot of work to keep up. I've tried to get into different social groups, usually about a certain genre of music, but I never really felt I belonged. If I did it was only for a short time. I still go see bands but I'm no longer a part of the scene. I'm a good chameleon. I can pull off the look and I'm into some of the bands those other kids listen to so I can maybe get to hang out with some people at a gig, but make sure I don't say too much.

But I've definitely become less cool. Those people want to know what I've been up to and I struggle to tell them the truth for fear of being made fun of. I wish it didn't matter to me. I miss the old life but I love this new one too. I understand so much more about myself and I've learnt so much about the world. In the group you only knows as much as the person that talks the most.


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jamesongerbil
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24 Feb 2011, 7:17 pm

I once talked to one of those really sociable people. He was selling my father our phones. We were talking about stuff and he mentioned his military experience. They needed mechanics at the time, and so that's what they put him in, even though he barely passed. He admitted to be awful with machines and technical stuff. That's when I mentioned that that was my forte and that I was bad with social stuff. So I guess I kind of think of it as give or take. How many of those sociable people understand car mechanics, think about physics in day to day situations, be really good about memorizing, or program a computer (some of the things we may be good at)? Probably some of them, but it's rare when people have so many talents.



Mindslave
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24 Feb 2011, 7:18 pm

I'm describing the high school jock type of crowd, (in college) where it was all about beer, women, and competition. I got unofficially kicked out of the group for not sleeping with a girl I picked up at a bar. I already had a strike for not having sex with a girl at a party, but they let me off because she was really drunk (I had to make up a ridiculous story to go along with it, because rape isn't a good enough reason for ME to say no) So I just stopped hanging with them because I wanted to be me again. At least I learned an important lesson. The longer you go down a certain road, the more you become that. Political junkie, sports fanatic, it's all the same.



Kiseki
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24 Feb 2011, 7:19 pm

I wonder what it's like to be an NT who NEEDS to be around other people all of the time.

Well, I don't know any NTs like that :)


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pensieve
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24 Feb 2011, 7:37 pm

Kiseki wrote:
I wonder what it's like to be an NT who NEEDS to be around other people all of the time.

Well, I don't know any NTs like that :)

I do. I'm surrounded by them.


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astaut
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24 Feb 2011, 9:10 pm

All of my friends are NT, and many of them can appear confident socially but aren't in a genuine manner. They still have worries about if people like them, etc.

Quote:
I look at some confident NTs who think nothing of dressing up and getting ready to go out to a big party on a Saturday night, and I think, ''what is that like? How do they do it?''
On facebook I've watched my 18 year old cousin's videos of her and her mates getting ready at her house, for a big sociable party, and none of them look nervous or reluctant to go. If I was there getting ready, I'd be feeling so bewildered and nervous of attending this party.


I go to parties. I go quite often. I'm in college, and they're everywhere (on most weekends).

I think what the difference is, sometimes NTs might also feel nervous but they can be better at hiding it. Of course there are some people (NT and aspie) who don't get nervous about parties...I think it's more about the individual person more than their neurology. I know one aspie here at school who never ever attends the parties, I know NTs who go but get a little nervous about it sometimes, I know NTs who don't go at all, and I know an aspie who is at most every party.


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daydreamer84
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24 Feb 2011, 9:35 pm

pensieve wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
I wonder what it's like to be an NT who NEEDS to be around other people all of the time.

Well, I don't know any NTs like that :)

I do. I'm surrounded by them.


Actually my younger sister is a bit like that..... and my best friend (and only friend until recently when I made friends with a girl from my AS support group) is an NT who needs to be around people all the time. She gets phone calls and texts and has to check her facebook even when she is at my house spending time with me. Sometimes she calls me (or someone else) when waiting for a bus or something because she craves constant contact with people. She detests being alone!



Digsy
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24 Feb 2011, 9:49 pm

What's it like being a socially confident NT?

In one word "arrogant"