Hi,
My name is Kirstie, I am 21yrs old and I love to write.
I have always prided myself on my imagination and the ability to think up such detail it seems almost real, the problem is I spend about 70% of my time in my head and only 30% in the real world. I can't remember science equations of maths stuff but I can remember an entire background of a character from the day I decide they were born untill they are who they are now as though they were real, even though I can’t remember what I eat 2 days ago.
I don't have friends and struggle to make them and even when I do it feels like I don't belong.
I can't talk on the phone and bearly leave my house for fear of being around people, I never know what to do in the presence of another person. The only people I actully talk to are my mum, sister, brother and local shop keeper. When I do leave the house, the only way I can do it is to put my headphones on and everything around me just fades into the background and my imagination takes over, I go somewhere eles and sometimes I don't even relize I'm doing it, it's like I just faze out.
I can't stand the idea of any physical contact, I find myself clicking my thumbs and my toes whithout realization untill someone points it out to me.
I lack empathy and find myself thinking I should be sad right now or understanding but i'm not, and then there's the little things like I have to eat with MY knife and fork only which have this pattern around the edge of them so they match, I can't stand any liquid food touching my solid food, everything has to be in order almost like OCD.
I struggle to sleep because my mind won't shut off and I spend about 90% of the time on my own and the worst thing is I prefer it.
I feel like i'm apart from the rest of the world, like i'm an observer outside everything I see in front of me. I know i'm different I just don't know why!
Sorry for going on abit but this is the first time I have talked about it with anyone.
Any advice would be great, thanks
Kirstie
22 Feb 2011, 10:15 am
