Female with Asperger : social life

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Hello, I have read that one of the fact which made it harder to diagnose Asperger's Syndrome in girls was that they tend to have a better social life than boys, especially in primary school. Apparently, some AS girl may have friends when they are young but become socially impaired when the social life become more complex (secondary school, end of primary school). They are usually good at pretend games or imitating other people which makes them more social than boys, plus there are different cultural expectations (a girl can be shy, etc).

I wonder if it is true for many of you.


I know that it would be true for me if I had been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (but I am dyspraxic). I did not really have friends until I was 7 (I may have talk to some children but I do not remember having friends and my teachers were concerned by my "immaturity") but I did have some friends in primary schools (and played pretend games, I still love them ). I remember that they were interested by whatever was my obsession (I taught them Braille, then I was walking around the school with spiders made of paper which were supposed to be my pets and I explained to people facts about spiders and they wanted me to make one for them). However, when I turned 9 and moved, I failed to develop any kind of friendship and did not understand why, I had not change at all and never changed (well, now I tend not to speak anymore because I am afraid people may hate me for that), a girl told me years later that "you were strange in primary school, always talking about meteorology."
I used to be able to do that, but it seems that I either met people who were less intellectually curious than in my previous school or that I became too old to be able to have these kind of relationship.
I thing I was regarded as socially immature because the younger ones were interested by what I had to say. I have to admit that I was also very naive and, apparently, you should judge people on their appearance or have a feeling telling you that "this one is a nerd, do not be friend with them" which I did not have (of course, I like nerds).

I did not talk about autism with my parents but I told them about my social difficulties and the need to see a psychologist I felt, I just got fired because of my social skills and lack of understanding instinctively what I had to do or that I could "go beyond the rules", I did not make friends at all, did not improve my social skills though I thought I would which is why I was speaking about it. My mother replied that she had watched old films about my brother and I when we were children and she was telling about how normal I used to be because I was very talkative and did not hesitate to talk to people and even had friends (especially during the holidays when we went to the beach).

The fact is : I had not changed when I moved but it did not work anymore, especially in secondary school when I learned to stop talking about my interests because I was beaten for it.

It may be caused by my dyspraxia, but I wonder how many females have had a different experience from the typical "I never had any friends or just one or two" which seems to be considered a male stereotype by some people. By the way, if there are males on this forum who feel that they do no follow the typical stereotype either, you are free to say something as well.

I was friends with girls my age between grades Kindergarten and 7. Once I got into High school, I started to alienate myself because I didn't want to pretend to be into guys, hair, clothes, makeup and Top 40. If those girls weren't going to accept me, I wasn't going to bother with them.

I had no real friends or concept of friendship until high school. As a small child, I was extremely withdrawn, talked to no one, ignored all greetings, lived in my own little world. In grade school, I interacted with other kids, but not enough to be friends. In junior high, still no friends and also the target of bullying. Then, in high school, something clicked, and I suddenly had a small group of close friends. In college, I had another small group of close friends and got along well with everyone else without social anxiety. Then, in grad school, no new friends. Total social disconnect. Alienation. And that's me today, getting therapy for social anxiety, then realizing that the issues were more fundamental than fear of social interactions as I had originally thought.

So I guess my earlier childhood and current status follow the typical model (I'm female), but I had those 8 years of functional social connections. Was I just lucky to find people who liked me, or did I behave differently?

I didn't change either from college to grad school. I moved across the country. I was quite a bit younger than most students in my department, so I thought that was the problem, but I've recently recognized the other aspects of AS that applied to me throughout my life.

Do you know what kind of "persona" you project? I know that I've always projected "weird", so it seemed like "weird" was accepted in certain environments but not in others. I thought that in high school and college when everyone's exploring everything that "weird" is easy to accept and connect with. But once I got into the adult world, it became socially unacceptable. It's really hard for me to let go of weirdness, because I feel like I can't form real friendships with people who can't accept my weirdness or genuine me. It's just that I can't seem to find the people who can.

Yes, I was this way. My tomboy nature at a young age meant I mostly had guy friends, but I also got along with some of the girls. I had no problem with friends until around age 10. I distinctly remember doing something which p*ssed off these girls in my class. It was over a boy and I had no idea why they were getting so upset.

At that point I became separate from other girls my age. This lasted until high school when I met some other weirdos like me.

What a truly disturbing and horrifying place this is. I don't expect anyone out there to actually listen to what I have to say. On the other hand, no one is listening to any of you people either.

To put it bluntly, society is causing all illnesses. People are making you sick. They are giving you cancer. They're making the animals sick. They're making the plants sick. They're making the planet sick. They're making the universe sick. And this makes sense, since that is what they clearly want to do. They make you sick by lying to you all day and taking advantage of you. It is physically and mentally damaging in every possible way. Deny it all you want, but you're sick because of it, and so am I. Whatever. Not like you're going to do anything about it. I know you won't. It's easier to sit around and wait for death. So that is what you are going to do.

Doctors and psychiatrist just want you're money. They make you even more sick. They prescribe medication that makes you sick. Why aren't you paying attention, hm? It's all a big waste of time, for the sole purpose of hurting you and me. Schools just want your money. Corporations just want your money. The government just wants your money. Everyone around you just wants your freaking money. They want you to get sick and die a horrible, horrible death because they are despicable and want to see you suffer. Get a grip already and face the awful truth. You're all really pissing me off.

Other kids would play with me until I was 10, with always them initiating.

Aspie boy here. I was never entirely friendless, though there were times when my popularlty was low enough to worry me, especially around puberty. I was making plenty of social blunders and I alienated a lot of people that way, but there was always the occasional nerd or two who didn't mind my behaviour. Most of my loneliness came from wanting a girlfriend and not being able to get one....that took me about 5 years to fix.

I never really had many friends, but I did interact with the other girls in my class when I was in elementary school. I loved playing pretend too and all the girls in my class used to play pretend during recess, so I joined in. I also had one best friend who I was really close with.

Once I hit middle school and the expectations from friends grew, I stopped being able to interact with girls my age properly. I didn't understand why I had to do things outside of school with my friends, for example. Playing pretend was no longer cool, and instead of games the girls would just stand in a circle and talk during recess. I didn't understand it, so I never joined in.

Sometimes, this is too agreeable at times.